Bekhudi || √

6. Storm || طوفان

The violent winds had howled in a fit of ever consuming rage, the deafening thunder groaned in agony, the rain hammered the ground ensuing carnage while the jagged bolts of lightening ripped the livid black sky threatening to consume everything in its wake. It seemed to me, even nature understood my plight tonight.

I sat by the doorstep of my balcony, drowning myself in my insecurities and vulnerabilities, while the icy drops of rain mercilessly pierced my skin.

My life had been inked out by my family. My fate had been sealed. The stars had written my destiny. And there was nothing I could do to change it.

Despair washed over me, as I sat motionless, oblivious of the time, staring into the abyss. I could feel my pulse pounding my temples, warm blood coursing through my veins and my breathe becoming slow and shallow. My mind became a chaotic maze, my variegated thoughts refusing to dislodge themselves.

Hate. Helplessness. Hope.

My thoughts lugged around, confusing and agonising me, suffocating me with their silent whispers. Despite the inky darkness that consumed me, somewhere I could still see a frail light; a flicker of hope. A sudden stillness kissed me and I sighed in sweet surrender. I wiped away my scalding tears, calming the fiery crimson rage that had been bubbling inside me.

I have never felt so meaningless, so wretched and cold like a worthless, disposable pawn. Lost. Bereft of a home. But may be this was my path to finding a home.

I looked up tersely, the storm had started to wither away leaving behind an eerie stillness in the air. The silence pressed in on me and all I could hear was the low thumping of my heart and the sound of water droplets slowly dripping off the window sill.

The ghostly silence crept up my soul and I felt the void within me deepening. A dark void, threatening to consume everything. And for the first time during the night, all feelings and thoughts ebbed away and I felt empty. I wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them closer to rest my head against them. A gust of wind bellowed, making me shudder. I curled into myself trying to gather all my strength. And in that moment all bedlam evaporated from my mind, strengthening my resolve. I would not let this weaken me.

This settlement between our families was less than ideal, but at least I had Yaar to aid me through this ordeal. I would never let my troubled relationship with my family tax the one relationship I truely revered. A relationship so precious, I'd protect it with my life.

➰➰➰

The tremor of my wooden door broke me out of my stupor. I blinked taking in the languid yawn of the morning sun. The glorious golden rays warmed up the blue sky with its tangerine hues; the shoals of clouds floated idly breaking the monotony of the blissful sky.

I turned to see my mother standing by the door aghast, silently taking in my ragged appearance. Deserted by my sleep, I had drenched myself in the rain last night. My damp clothing clung to me, my scruffy hair frazzled around my face and my shoulders were slumped in fatigue.