Torment

HER BURIED HEART

She dozed, and watched the night revealing
The thousand sordid images
Of which her soul was constituted
                     –  TS Eliot

In the beginning Burns did not cry. Her emotions remained buried beneath her skin. Untouched. Undisturbed. For a moment she thought time will heal the wounds she had bore from the death of her very own mother. She was wrong. In fact, it seemed like time only made it worse. As days turned to weeks, then months, and years, the wound kept expanding and expanding. She bled more. She suffered more. And no any other type of bandage or medicine could cauterise that one untreatable injury she carried.

"Are you ready?" Burns' eyes fluttered. As her breath left her body and as the newly risen sun radiated against her face through the window she was standing at, she nodded. But she did not turn around. Without a word, she unlocked the windows opened. The sweet breeze of summer gently blew the white curtains along with her hair in front of her. "You know I can talk to your manager I will-" She shook her head and kept her eyes straight to the clear blue sky.

It was a good day. But it almost pained her to remember the remnants of the past she had experienced back then in Santa Lucia. The clear horizon was very similar, the trees, the ambience, the people. Even the weather was very reminiscent of her birthplace, of her mother's home. Yet again, it was different. There was no way everything would be the same. She could no longer amend what has been done. Neither could she go back to repeat and redo the past.

Slowly, Burns' left hand, where her diamond engagement ring shone, reached for her key necklace. She then briefly turned her head sideways to say, "It's fine Roche I'll go."

"Okay, I'm just worried." She nodded and kept her gazes still in the clear blue sky. "Are you okay though?" Roche stood behind Burns and held both of her arms. Again, she just gave him a quick glance before looking back outside. "Of course," she breathed.

It felt very monotonous. Mechanic. Burns in truth, considered herself as a machine everyday. Since the death of her mother and her gradual disassociation with her father, she left Palermo to pursue her career as a licenced anthropologist, become a world class best selling author and well, accept Roche Medici's offer of marriage. Without much contemplation, without telling anyone, even Hariette, Burns said 'yes'.

She felt her fiancé's lips touched her temple for a second. "I love you," he whispered. Burns gulped. Her heart contracted.

What did it even mean to say I love you?

Because her mother did, and so did her father. They promised to love each other. Forever. Yet it only lead to destruction. Chaos. Pain. It even went as far as death.

But Burns and Roche were on the same level. Or at least she thought they were. She had no one. Hariette tried to be by her side. But it was too much for the old lady and her previous acquaintance with her mother made it even worse. In the end, she knew she also had to leave the old lady behind. Although they were still in contact, she hardly saw her these days. Burns had been far too busy. Too focused. Too rational with her life.

When Burns did not feel like going out on dates, he would understand and stay by her side. He had become her greatest companion. Her friend. Her confidant with everything. And she did the same. They treated each other as equals. Neither of them were ever angry or hurt. Hardness, as Elie Wiesel would say, had become their religion. Nothing unnecessary were said. The two of them lived a normal life, travelling the world. Or at least they tried to. As Burns escaped the past, Roche was chasing her future.