fourteen

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sad feels

"I mean, it's obvious right? a family heirloom

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"I mean, it's obvious right? a family heirloom. what better place to hide a message?" John B says as we drive down the road. everyone else in the car just glances at each other, unsure of what to say. "he had to know it was gonna get back to me, right?"

"yeah. it's possible." Kiara tells him, and I nod in agreement to back her up.

"it could also be possible that you're concocting wild theories to help, you know, deal with your sad feels." my foot quickly connects with Pope's thigh, telling him to shut up while John B says his name as a warning.

"bro you know how I process my sad feels." JJ intervenes just when I think it can't get any worse. I raise an eyebrow at him, waiting for the next words to come out. "dank nugs and the stickiest of ickies, that's how I do it."

I shrug, adding to that, "bottle of tequila and I'm good."

"I'm not concocting okay?" John B interrupts us, and part of me wonders if he's trying to convince us or convince himself. "my dad's trying to give me a message."

"if it helps you believe, John B."

"look, I-I don't need a therapy session, okay? I'm not trippin' out." John B stammers but I watch his eyes in the rearview. I could tell he was trying to grasp at straws.

"I think we could all use a therapy session." I say just as JJ includes, "it's okay to trip, bro."

"look, my dad is missing, okay? missing." we all get silent at John B's outburst. "you don't know what it's like to have the person closest to you vanish, and then have no idea what happened."

Kiara looks back at me as soon as I feel my heart drop. pretty soon John B sighs, knowing very well what he just said. "Lyv..." JJ whispers, before I shake my head.

"no. it's fine." I tell him, my eyes connecting with John B's in the mirror. "y'know what, John B. I sincerely hope that what you're telling yourself is true. because I do know what it's like to lose that person. I don't want you to grow up without your dad like I'm having to do."

"Lyvia-"

"if you could just drop me off here, and you guys can continue the little scooby doo gang activities without me for today." I start to throw my bag on my shoulder as JJ reaches for my hand. "I'm tired, just let me out of the van."

"Lyv, I'm sorry." John B apologizes, but my face is starting to get hot from emotions.

"just let me out of the fucking van, John B." I snap, making everyone avert their eyes. finally, he stops the vehicle and I climb over JJ to the door. "I promise, I will text you later, but for now, I just need some space."

I slam the door shut behind me. as they drive away, I see Kiara hit John B on the back of the head and JJ's mouth wide open, probably letting some curses fly. I start walking, considering calling Sarah but also upset at the idea of her telling Topper about John B and the gear.

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