Loving Wright

Chapter 27: Daddy Issues

Kendra...

As a child, my mother always told me that staring was inappropriate. It was weird, made people feel uncomfortable and I should never do it.

But here I was, sitting at Wendell's Corner, staring at a little boy who was having lunch with his dad.

He had been enjoying his fries a little too much, putting ketchup on his nose and calling himself Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer. His father had wiped his nose and told him to stop, but he kept on doing it. Instead of scolding the boy, he joined in with placing condiments on his face. I smiled at the laughs they shared, though I'm sure it would be a different situation if his mother was around.

I had promised myself I would stop doing this. Staring at dads and their sons. I had done it for years. I would look at a father and son and imagined they were Anthony and Kyle. I would wonder what it would be like if he was around, and what their relationship would be like. But the staring and the thoughts had done more harm than good, and one night, after crying for hours in bed, I promised I would never do it again.

And I hadn't, until today. Kyle's question the night before had thrown me off. It was bringing back all the feelings I had sworn to not feel anymore. I was back to being the teen who wanted the guy she loved to want them again.

"Kendra?"

I had forgotten Eli was here. He had offered to take me out to lunch. I reluctantly pulled my eyes away from the two.

"Huh?"

"You ok? You seemed a bit lost in your head."

"Uh, yeah. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind."

"About Kyle's father?"

I looked at him quizzically, "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Kyle talked to me about it the other day."

"He did?" I was surprised.

I'm glad he was at least talking to someone about it.

"Yeah. He wanted to know about his dad, but he was afraid to ask you," he saw the questioning look on my face and he hesitantly continued. Probably wondering if he should betray my son's trust. "He said whenever someone brought up his dad you would look weird and be sad for the rest of the day. He's been wanting to ask for a while, but he didn't want to upset you."

I sighed at that bit of information. I thought I had been good at hiding how I felt about his dad. Turns out I'm not.

"I told him that he should try anyway," Eli said, "I'm glad he listened to me."

"Me too," I answered, "But I'm not sure if I ready to tell him."

"He needs to know."

"I know. But what do I even tell him?"

"The truth."

"I can't tell him all of it, Eli."

"And why not?" He seemed upset with me.

"How do I tell him that his mere existence brings shame to his father? That I'm being paid money to hide him like he's some dirty little secret? How the hell do I say that?" I was angry now and trying to stop the tears from running down my cheek.

"Kendra..."

"I can't hurt him like that Eli!"

Eli quickly grabbed my hands. "Hey, I know this is hard, but it's one of those things you have to do."

I was full-on ugly crying now. I didn't have it in me to hold the tears back any longer. I've been holding a lot back in for way too long.

"Look, if you need me to be there while you talk to him, I'll do it."