Wishes- Trixya (Sequel to Prom)

Chapter 1

Last September (Freshman year of college)

Trixie POV-

"Katya I don't know how the fuck you're expecting me to handle you like this."

"Handle me like what?" She replies, her face streaked with tears.

"You don't sleep, you don't eat, you come over at every time of the day and never have a reason!" I yell back.

Katya runs for the door of the dorm room. "I thought you loved me!"

"I do." I say, trying to lower my voice. I taste salty tears on my lips. "I do love you, but I don't know what's happening lately."

She shakes her head. "Nothing. And I mean nothing, Trixie, has changed."

She opens the door and slams it behind her leaving me alone again. I have no idea what's gotten into her.

August (Sophomore year of College)

My heels click on the stone floor. The room is mostly empty. Just a small church, a few people in it. It's so quiet you can hear the fountain in the back, every single drip of water from the faucet. This is the last place I ever wanted to be.

I'd just left Wisconsin, only to have to fly back two days later. She was supposed to make it at least another month. They said she could have years left. Then just like that it was over. I got a call from my mom, my grandma is dead. The woman who raised me from the time I was 15, who stood up for me, and took over when my parents couldn't. I expected to be there when she passed. We knew she was sick, she has been since last year, so I figured that when things took a turn for the worst I'd have the time to fly home. But yesterday after chemo she just didn't wake up. So now I'm here, standing alone in a black dress, in a church, looking over my grandmother.

I guess this image is nice, if she weren't so lifeless obviously. She has a lovely satin scarf around her head, the one she liked the most in the hospital. Her hands are folded on her chest, the rings glinting from the light shining in the stained glass windows. She doesn't look sick anymore. They've done her makeup, put on her favorite clothes. Though my heart aches I'm glad I could see her like this. At least now I know she isn't struggling anymore. Maybe this is worse though, I don't know if she feels anything, or where she is. These times are the only times I wished I thought there was a god. Then I'd be able to convince myself she was surrounded with loved ones in the happiest place to ever exist. But I don't think she's anywhere. I just think she's gone.

The funeral isn't long. A couple of people speak, I play her favorite song on the guitar. My step dad has to help carry the casket into the cemetery right outside the church. It makes my face go hot. She wouldn't have liked him to carry her away. When they lower her into the ground that's the only moment that it feels a little bit real. Real enough so that I can't take my eyes away, but not real enough for me to process that I won't ever see her again. My mom puts an arm around me, all I can do is close my eyes and wait for this nightmare of a day to be over.

My family tells me I should stay for longer but I can't handle the dysfunction after all of this. Plus, classes start in 2 days, I need to get back. I get on a plane that night and end up arriving back in Chicago at midnight. My dorm isn't far and only a half hour later I'm ready for bed.

Every muscle and bone in my body aches. Once I'm in my bed I feel like I can't move. My mind feels heavy in my head, wishing someone was here to make anything a little bit better. My friends aren't on campus yet and even if they were it feels like too much energy to even ask them to come over. Katya would come if she were here. But she isn't and she won't be for two more months. She's better, she wants to see me badly. Her rehab program still has a while to go and she isn't allowed to call at night. My fingers reach for my cell phone. I stare at the contact number of the community phones they use but I don't call it. Even if I did, the line would just ring at this time of night. After 7:00 Katya may not even live in the same world as I do.