Chapter 3

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Katya POV

November (Freshman Year)

"I'm trying to help you." She says, stepping closer to me.

"You aren't." I reply. "All you do is make everything ten times worse."

Her eyes won't meet mine which may as well be the equivalent of throwing gas on an already ignited fire. She can't even look at me and it only makes me more angry. "Have you ever thought that maybe I don't want your help. Have you ever thought about the fact that you've done just as many horrible things as I have and you don't get to come in here and act like you know what's best for me?"

My chest is tight, I want her to leave.

"You don't know what's best for you." Trixie says. "But fuck it, I guess, until you want to admit that nothing anyone can do is going to help anyways."

Tears stream down my face. I'm not usually a crier, at all really, but I'm so angry that it's happening anyways. "I'm doing what's best for me." Is all I can manage through clenched teeth.

"Katya drugs are not what's best for you!" She screams.

"I'm clean right now!" But we both know thats' a lie. I want her to understand that I'm doing my best. That's not what I say, not when we're this angry at each other. "Get out." I tell her. "Get the fuck out of here."

November (Sophomore Year)

I stare at myself in the mirror. My makeup is a little messy, done in a sight rush, but I still like it. I'd decided not to do a ton of makeup because we're only going out to a random Italian restaurant down the street, but it ends up being a little more than I planned. The eyeshadow is a dark brown with a lighter shimmer over it. My hair was a little bit crazy today so I straightened it which I haven't done in forever. It looks nice, but I also look like a 14 year old trying to look grown up. I don't have time to worry about that now, Trixie's just texted me to tell me she's here.

"Have fun!" Fame yells as I rush out the door. "And be back by midnight!"

"I will!" I reply. At least midnight is 2 hours later than it was at the center. I feel like I have all the freedom in the world.

Trixie's car is pulled up to the curb and I get in the passenger side, shivering in the cold weather. "How are you?" She asks, leaning over to kiss me.

"Good." I laugh. "You have red lipstick over your pink now."

"Damnit." She says, rubbing it off with the back of her hand. "Dinner?"

I nod and we drive across the street. The restaurant is busy but there isn't a long wait. After we order the place clears out a bit, once it hits 7:00 they dim the lights slightly. Trixie doesn't stop talking for a long time but I don't mind. She's one of those people that could talk for hours about nothing and I'd still listen like it was the most important thing ever said. "Katya." She says in a sing-songy voice.

"What." I respond, shaking my head to clear my mind.

"Were you even listening?" Trixie chuckles.

"Yes, my mind was just wandering a little bit."

"Okay, well are you in the mood for a surprise or not?" She asks.

Her question seems random. "Uh I could go either way. Why?"

"Well if I tell you it's not a surprise is it now." She replies. "Be patient I'll tell you after we eat."

I fake sigh. "Fineeee."

The food comes after a couple more minutes but it takes us forever to finish. By the time we're done the restaurant is almost empty and there's only a few servers left. Trixie gets the check even though I tell her over and over that I want to pay. She grabs her keys and we return to the car. "Okay surprise now?" She teases.

"Sure." I reply. "Where are we going?"

"I can't tell you."

"Please?" I whine. "I want to know."

"Millennium park?"

"Really?" I ask, my stomach filling with butterflies.

"Sure, it's free, we have nothing to do, and I know you've been wanting since we got to Chicago." She smiles, seeing that I'm so happy.

"We gotta hurry because I have to be home by midnight though." I tell her.

She nods. "I know, Fame will kill me if I don't bring you back on time."

"She really is nice Trixie, I know you don't like her much."

Trixie shakes her head. "No I do like her, I just want you all to myself and now you have a curfew."

"Well you have me until midnight." I reply, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

While she pulls the car out I turn up the radio. The street lights shine on the windshield and all I can focus on is the music and the bumps in the road. Some days it felt like I wouldn't be doing this so soon and now that I'm sitting in the car it feels like I could be dreaming. But, by the smell of Trixie's strawberry perfume that my dreams have never been able to replicate I know this is real, and nothing could ever make me more content.

Outside of the car it's freezing and we huddle together in our coats. Something about the air stinging my skin makes it that much better. You only get to do these kind of things when you're in that stage in life between a kid and a real real adult. I'm not going to let weather stop us from going to the park. We walk past a big group of people that look like they've just come from a wedding. Everyone around seems to be heading the same way. "Wanna follow them?" I ask, pointing to the crowd.

"Sure." She replies, running ahead of me, laughing. "Come on!"

I run after her, feeling my shoes hit the cold pavement. When I catch up she hangs onto me again for warmth. Following everyone we end up in a big open area with a little stage at the front. Some local band is playing there, people are sitting on blankets watching. I grab Trixie's hand so I don't lose her in the crowd and we make our way to a little spot in the corner, sat under some trees. I sit on the grass and pat the ground next to me. "Come here it's cold." I laugh.

Trixie huddles next to me. "We really picked the coldest day of the month didn't we." She jokes.

"With our luck that is probably what we did." I reply. She takes my hands in hers and rubs them warm and after a few minutes it's actually cozy in the little corner. My mind feels like it's buzzing, my blood feels electric under my skin. But it feels good this time. It feels happy for once.

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