Wishes- Trixya (Sequel to Prom)

Chapter 4

Trixie POV

November (Freshman Year)

My chest is tight, it aches with a pain I haven't felt for years. Not since a few years before Katya. It makes its presence known, I don't appreciate it. I want to ignore it. I can't, I'm stupid to think that would work. How do you ignore pain that seems to flood your whole body, paralyze every limb? And yet nothing really hurts. My fingers move fine, I can see them flexing slowly in my lap. I don't feel them, not really. If I were to describe it I'd say I'm three inches in front of my body. The illusion of seeing through my eyes is there, but I'm not actually connected to it. To any part of me.

The exhaustion begins to set in as the clock above me ticks. To see her like that, in the hospital, a wreck. What was I supposed to do? How do I help her? A part of me wants to scream at her, ask her why she'd ever do this to us. I'd like to yell at her until she cried just so I knew she felt anything. But I feel bad for wanting that. The other part of me wants to hold her and never let go. But I can't protect her, not when she's like this.

In bed I ask myself where I went wrong. I wonder how I could've fixed it before it happened. There had to be something I could've done that would've prevented everything. She wouldn't have a relapse, she wouldn't be in the hospital. Or something I could've said to her even after the fact. And I know there was nothing. I know it's not my fault, but I wish I could fix it all for her. But it's her issue to deal with, she needs to figure her shit out herself, and I just have to hope she will and support her when I can.

She should be in rehab but I doubt they'll make her go. Katya knows how to talk her way out of anything. If she doesn't want to go, she won't. She won't go until there isn't a single other option, or until she realizes this is hurting her and actually started to care about it. Both situations make me nervous. Realistically I know there is a third situation but I can't bring myself to admit that. Not in words at least. Not tonight.

November (Sophomore year)

Katya texts me the minute I get out of class. It's perfect timing really.

Katya: Wanna come over tonight?
Me: Uh sure
M: What time?
K: You free at 8? I think Violet will be out then and Fame will be locked away in her bedroom like she always is lol
M: Yeah
M: I'm bringing ice cream
K: Solid plan
M: I thought so too :p

My next class goes until 7 which gives me enough time to eat before going to Katya's. Whenever I have someone to see, class always seems to drag on longer than seems necessary. I suppose today isn't the worst example of this, at least I have something to do the whole time. It's a dance class, ballet actually, and being the least graceful, least flexible dancer, there isn't a minute that I'm not hyper focused on every move that I'm making. When I watch myself in the mirror I hope that I'm never cast in a show with extensive dancing, that is if I would ever make the cut for dancing.

When I arrive at Katya's my arms are numb from the cold and also carrying a pint of ice cream. Even the hallways of the apartment complex are freezing and I'm very glad that I don't have to walk them every day. Especially in the winter. She opens the door and takes my things from me, instructing me to leave my shoes by the door. "Fame is really weird about dirt, probably because we don't own a vacuum." Katya tells me. I can't help but to laugh at her a little bit. I've missed dumb shit like this.

We sit on the couch which is small and worn and she hands me a spoon for the ice cream. "The dishes are dirty." She shrugs.

"Even if they weren't who eats ice cream out of a bowl when they don't have to?"

"Fair point."

"How's college going?" I ask her.

She thinks for a moment and shrugs again. "It's fine, so much work right now because I missed some and I did all the assignments and stuff but I have to take all the tests now."

"Ew."

"Ew is right." She smiles. "But it's alright. I guess I'm happy I'm like having a life again. It's kinda nice to go places." Her eyes widen as if she's truly shocked and I chuckle at her.

I'm happy for her, and proud but it feels weird to say that to someone, especially when you're equals. What does it matter if someone equal to you is proud of you? "That's good." I reply and her face lights up.

Katya and I sit in silence for a moment but it's not weird silence, just thinking of what to ask about next. "What are you doing this week?" She asks. "I mean besides like finals and shit like that. Because I know neither of us want to talk about that."

"I've been playing the guitar between studying and classes." I say. "I've been so busy I keep forgetting to eat."

"You always schedule way too much for the time you have." She informs.

"Oh I'm aware, but I don't really care. I like to work."

Katya makes a face and scrunches her nose. "To each their own I suppose."

"I'm working on a song for you." I say it quickly, half hoping she doesn't catch it. To say it embarrasses me.

Her mouth falls open in an overly dramatic response. "Can I hear it?"

"When it's done." I reply.

"What's the fun in that?" She whines back at me.

I roll my eyes. "The fun of that is once you hear it it might actually sound good."

"Ugh fine, but I'm holding you to showing me that song."

"Okayyy."

"Okayyy" she mocks me, and I play hit her in the arm.

"Very rude of you."

I'd expected to leave early, but I should've known better than that. Every time I check the time it's getting later and later so quickly, but there isn't even a pause long enough in our talking to mention it. I don't really want to go home anyways, and I hate driving in the dark. She ends up on my lap, cuddled close to me, and the time slips my mind. I'll just stay the night, leave in the morning when I have to go to class. It's not breaking her curfew if she's not leaving her apartment. At least that's my excuse.

Katya falls asleep on me, I can tell because she goes all heavy and stops moving for once in her life. When the door of the apartment creaks open I'm scared half to death but it's only Violet. She rolls her eyes at me but doesn't say anything, not wanting to wake Katya. After that she disappears down the tiny hallway and the room goes dark besides the dim streetlights reflecting from outside.

Okay I know I haven't updated in a while but I had no motivation to exist sooo. Oops 😬
New chapter will be idk when but probably pretty soon. This fic is going to be hella short but I think if I make it longer it won't be good anymore. Hopefully this is good, it's probably not as good as the other one but oh well lol, I like writing it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Have a good day and stay safe :p