FATE

65. I'm Fine

BROOKE

I push the door to my room open and walk in, "Jonah?", I ask, "Jonah, where have you been? I was so worried. I- "

"I'm fine", he says flatly, "how are you?"

I collapse on the bed and the mattress bounces under me, "I'm okay", I say, "whose number is this? Where are you? I know you're not home"

"How do you know that?"

"I've been making Carmen go over to see you", I answer, "and no one's been home"

He doesn't say anything.

"Jonah?"

"Yeah?", he asks, "you're not in Boston, are you?"

I sigh, "no", I say, "I'm so sorry. I tried to call and say something but it all happened so fast. Blake lost his job, my mom showed up", I add, "I have to stay in Seattle with her until Blake gets a new job"

"And if he can't?"

I gulp, "he will"

"When did you leave?"

"On your birthday. I'm so sorry I missed it"

I think I hear him scoff, "it wasn't all that interesting anyway"

There's something off about his voice. It's hoarse and low- but not inaudible.

"Jonah, is something wrong?", I ask, "don't lie to me. You don't just disappear for three weeks unless something is wrong"

He heaves loudly and his breathing is shaky, "I'm fine. I just have to be on my own for a while"

"On your own?", I ask, "do you have any idea how that sounds?"

He clears his throat, "I'm aware", he says, "that's why I called you. I saw your messages"

"I've been leaving messages for three weeks"

"I'm so sorry Brooke", he apologizes, "I needed time to think"

"Think about what?"

"Us"

My heart skips a beat. I don't like the tone in his voice.

"What- ", I pause to take a deep breath, "-what about us?"

"I can't be in a relationship now Brooke", he says quickly.

Something chokes my breath for a second and my gut hurts, like there's a shard of glass in it. I flinch slightly.

"Is this about me moving away?", I ask, "because it's only temporary"

"That's not it"

"Then what is it?", I stand and pace around the room, "why are you doing this?"

"I can't- ", his voice is shaky, "-I can't talk about it"

"I'm not surprised"

"Don't make this hard Collins"

"You're the one making this hard", I stop by the door, "Jonah, you can't just disappear for three weeks and then dump me over the phone"

"It's not like that", he says, "you're not in Boston. I can't do this in person like I wanted to"

I bite my bottom lip and try to blink away the moisture forming in my eyes, "you were going to whether I was there or not?"

He sighs shakenly, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry", he says, "I love you. I just can't do this anymore"

"You love me but you can't do this", I mutter, "you realize how stupid that sounds"

"It's not", he says, "loving you isn't enough. As much as I wanted to believe it was-"