FATE

88. The Future

I lay my head on the armrest, looking up at the ceiling. Jeanne clears her throat and i turn my head to see her taking her seat on the chair opposite me. I glance at the door briefly. Then back at her.

My eyes open wide. She's not wearing her labcoat today. She's dressed in a pair of black pants and a white shirt with sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She doesn't look exactly comfortable as she toys with a loose strand of her hair.

"You're not wearing your labcoat today", i say.

She frowns, "you noticed too?", she asks and i nod. Then she groans, "I forgot to pick it up from the dry cleaners and i was running late this morning"

I sit up and cross my legs, "you look like you're the one who needs to talk today", i lean back into the chair.

"No", she says flatly, frowning at me.

"Is that denial, Doctor Jeanne?"

She scowls at me and looks away. Then she glances back at me and chuckles, "you remind me so much of her sometimes"

"Who?"

"Lauren"

I blink at her, "oh"

She stares at the book lying on her lap and runs her hand over it, "yeah", she says, "she was an angel"

I furrow my eyebrows as i watch her. She looks sad- really sad. I guess she must have been really close with my mom.

She looks up and me and an emotion flickers in her eyes. Then she clears her throat and raises her hand, pulling a pen out of her bun. I didn't notice it was there.

"Well, shall we?", she asks.

"Sure", i shrug.

"So, did you have a good talk with your father yesterday?", she asks.

I scoff, "did he tell you about it?"

"No", she says.

She's lying.

"It wasn't that good of a chat", i wave my fingers in the hair and watch them wiggle, "he's asking for forgiveness"

"Are you going to give it to him?", she asks.

I turn to face her, "never"

She smiles, "Jonah, do you ever think about the future?", she asks.

"Nope", i drop my hand.

"Why not?"

"Because I've wanted to kill myself for a long while time", i answer, "and i thought i would have the guts to do it at some point so there was really no need to think about a future"

"No plans? Nothing at all"

"Absolutely nothing", i say, "I never saw a life past highschool. I don't even know what i'm going to do for college next year"

"So you want to go to college next year?"

"Yeah", i nod, "with Brooke, Hailee and Francis", i smile, "maybe Carmen too, i don't know. It'll be fun"

"So you do have a plan for the future", she tips her pen in her hand so it's pointing at me, "even though it's not long term"

I cock my head. Maybe she's right, but that's only because i had Brooke. Before her, there was nothing- so i don't really know if I'll be able to do it now that i don't have her anymore.

I need to stop thinking about Brooke.

"I have a question", i say.

"Yes?"