FATE

80. Anxiety

JONAH

The salty drop of sweat runs into my mouth from my wet hair through parted lips. It's been one week in this place and it's not going as I planned.

I think I'm going crazy.

My gloved hands wrap around the steel pipe of the weight, lifting it up gently as I close my eyes and focus on the pain coursing through my veins. It's addictive, almost refreshing- but I need something different.

The past one week has been pretty boring. The first night was hell because I couldn't sleep. I want to get Jeanne to change my room. I feel like a child was in it before me and that makes me uncomfortable for some reason. The day after, I kept sleeping through everything- the checkups on my health, even though I'm not sure I need those and the talk with Jeanne.

The second day was much better, because I found the gym.

The good thing about the gym is it's stocked up on so much equipment and it's not being used by a lot of people, because most of the people here are kids. The oldest children here according to Jeanne are about fourteen or fifteen and only a small amount of them work out during the weekends.

I push up the weight again, holding my breath and exhale once it's up. I can't stop thinking about her, I can't stop thinking about everything. I drop the weight quickly. I need to talk to Brooke. I need to hear her voice at least.

I slip out from under and grab the towel off my lap, throwing it over my shoulder. I miss her. I've never been this far away from her. Maybe that's why I feel so weird.

"Anything wrong Jonah?", Jacques asks. He's standing next to me, his hands clasped behind him and his annoying smile fills his face. Jeanne said I have to be watched by him for a while, to avoid any other "accidents". It's annoying.

"Have you ever been in love Jaq?", I ask.

His smile wavers, "yes, I have a wife Jonah"

"What?", I'm actually surprised, "you're married?"

"Yes", he nods, "I have a wife who works here as well. She teaches the children"

I beam at him, "that's nice"

He nods.

"So what's it like?", I ask, "being married"

"It involves a lot of compromise and sacrifice, that much i can tell you"

"Compromise and sacrifice...", i mutter to myself.

I take a deep breath and stand. Jacques hands my shirt over to me. Luckily, my dad brought some of my clothes over so I don't have to wear those weird uniform-like clothes again. I think I might keep the loafers though. I kind of like them. They're comfortable.

"Hi", a voice says and I glance up from the loafers.

"Oh", I motion to put on the shirt, "hey Mira"

Mira's always around. Apparently, her summer job is helping her mom around the institute. I wish Brooke and I thought about getting summer jobs at the same place this summer. That would have been really fun. Stressful, but also fun.

Mira pushes her hands into the back pockets of her black jeans casually and smiles. The red shirt she's wearing says "Fight!". I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean but I like it, plus it matches her hair.

"My mom is looking for you", she points her thumb behind her, "in the institute"

"Oh, thanks", I walk past her and out of the gym. I can tell Jacques is following.

"Are you enjoying the place?', she asks and i realize she's right next to me

Whenever Mira and I talk, she tries to push the conversation further than is necessary. I wonder what's wrong with her.