FATE

96. A Twisted Kind Of Freedom

For the first time, at night- I don't see Brooke in my dreams and so I am not tortured by the thought of her face when I wake up the next morning. I smile when I see my ceiling again and when I feel my sheets. The last time I was in this room, I was battling thoughts with my evil reflection twin. I was also waiting for Brooke.

The punching bag hangs from the ceiling. If there's one thing I'm going to miss, it's the gym at the institute, but I guess I can use it during the weekends. While I'm home, I'm going to have to go back to my morning runs.

The morning breeze wheezes past my ears as I run. I focus on the sound of my heartbeat, turning it into some sort of rhythm for the music of my soul. I can smell it in the air and somehow taste it too- freedom. A twisted kind of freedom. I think back to the day I saw Carmen for the first time. I was different. The person I was then is most definitely not the person I am now. That's how I know I'm better, I'm growing.

I think growth is one of the most amazing things a person could let happen to themselves. Sometimes, people grow physically only while they're stuck in the past. I don't know if I ever grew past my "trauma". I was just an eleven-year-old boy grieving over the death of his mother in the body of a seventeen-year-old.

I'm eighteen now and I think I finally understand what it's like to grow, what it's like to fall in love, what it's like to have friends who love you and family who will always be there for you. Most of all, I think I finally understand what it's like to hope.

I turn past the street, heading towards my house. I'm looking forward to this morning. Hailee asked if I could take her to therapy. I wonder if she told Carmen I was back, and if Carmen told Brooke. I don't want to think too much about that. For now, all I really want to do is go back to my normal routine like that day never happened.

Next to me, Bruno jogs at a slow pace. He's been really clingy since last night. This morning, he even stepped into the house. Francis said it happened for the first time a couple of days after I left. He thinks Bruno went in because he was looking for me.

"Alright buddy", I bend to face Bruno once we get to the house, "Francis is going to bathe you soon. I have to go drop Hailee off, okay?"

He grunts in response and licks my hand as I pet him.

"He likes bubbles", I hear Francis say. I turn around to see him walking out of the house, with Lauren next to him. She's so short, she barely reaches above his knees. She's carrying a bucket with her and seems to be having a hard time doing so too but she's smiling so I know she's happy.

"Jonah!", she exclaims when she sees me, "good morning"

"'Morning Lauren", I smile as she walks down the porch slowly, carefully not to drop the bucky of water.

I stand and move towards her to collect it but she hurries past me towards Bruno. I glance at Francis, "you have the child doing manual labor?"

He shrugs, "She asked for it"

In front of us, Lauren giggles as she scoops some water from the bucket with her hand and raises it, throwing it into the air. It excites Bruno but it gets her pink pajamas wet. She doesn't mind.

"I'm going to shower", I say to Francis before heading into the house.

I use the bathroom in my aunt's room, which is also where Lauren slept last night. Aunt Wendy said they had quite the conversation by midnight but she won't disclose all the little details- and she made Lauren pinky promise not to say anything either.

Being in my bathroom brings back memories I would rather not trigger but it's been cleaned. There was no blood in the bathtub or on the tiled floor when I checked and the cabinet beneath the sink has been cleared out.