ALWAYS

VIII

“Jungkook-ah…. When are you going to give us some grandchildren…?”

His mom asked them during dinner… their parents just got home and totally oblivious to what had happened earlier…

Jungkook and Rosé both stiffened on their seats while Mr. and Mrs. Jeon were both happily waiting for their answer… Rosé looked at Jungkook who’s across from her on the table… he cleared his throat after swallowing his food then he turned to his parents.

“Mom… we’re still in college… I don’t think it’s the right time to talk about these things…”

He answered smoothly… she just kept quiet and let him to answer them… they saw his mother frowned a little while his dad smiled then continued eating.

“But then… me and your dad are both getting older by now… and I’m sure Rosé’s parents would also be happy to have additional grandchildren in their family… right dear…?”

His mom said as she turned to Rosé… all she could do is to smile awkwardly and bowed her head… he watched her reaction and a creased form on his forehead…

He sure doesn’t want to have a child from her… or even not from her… he’s just not ready for it yet… and it bothers him that he’ll never be a good father once he’ll have a child… he can’t even protect the woman he loves what more if he’ll have a child of his own.

“Hon… don’t pressure the kids… Jungkook’s right… plus it’ll be hard for Rosé to conceive while studying…”

His Dad finally said… both Jungkook and Rosé sighed in relief while his mom pouted in disappointment since she really wanted to see little Jungkooks and little Rosés running around their lonely mansion… and maybe that what’s missing to make their house be finally called a home.

Mr. Jeon reached for his wife’s hand to comfort her… and her pout then turned into a sweet smile, as she turned to her husband… love filled her eyes… and their

wrinkled face showed how long they have been together and until now… love could still be felt between them.

Rosé watched the old couple and she can’t help not to feel envious of the love she felt between them… how Mrs. Jeon’s simple smile could mean a lot whenever it is for Mr. Jeon… and how Mr. Jeon’s gaze could mean a lot and so different whenever it is for his wife.

She felt envious and insecure for her own marriage... how she wanted to look that way with her husband... how she wanted to hold hands with him till they grew old... and asking for grandchildren to their own child... but it seemed all of those were just a dream and false hope for her... he would never feel that way towards her... for not even a bit of warmth can be felt from him... and not even a speck of love can be expected from him.

Jungkook saw her as she watched his parents… he saw how her eyes tried to suppress the tears from coming out… and he saw how a bitter weak smile crept on her pink lips… he turned to his parents and knew why her expression turned to be like that…

He bowed his head on his food for a while then turned to her again… and it didn’t escape his eyes the single tear that fell from her eye… she quickly wiped it off and surely his parents didn’t notice it except for him… he felt himself stiffened on his seat once again… then he felt something familiar… he felt the same tingling pinch inside his chest…

She flickered her eyes and bit her lower lip suppressing herself to be emotional in front of everyone... and as if she felt someone’s watching her… she slowly turned to him… their eyes met and stared at each other for a while… she’s sure that it was the first time they both stared at each others eyes… the first time that they are both drown into the deepness of his and her orbs…

She couldn’t read his eyes while he on the other side felt the sadness her eyes have been pouring out… he doesn’t know but he can’t take his eyes off of hers and she too can’t explain why she can’t look away from him just like she used to do… then out of nowhere… she felt something warm inside her almost cold heart….

The burning feeling that’s been pricking her insides… she gulped down on her throat but still their eyes didn’t left each other… to think that a simple dinner would turn out to be like this…

“Rosé dear… your parents called this morning and they’re asking if how are you…

they really missed you…”

Mrs. Jeon broke off their seemed to be moment… she then didn’t have the choice but to look away first…. And he on the other hand snap back to his senses.

“Ah… yes… mom… don’t worry I’ll call them sometimes…”

His mom smiled back to her and continued eating… Rosé took a quick glance on Jungkook only to see him busily eating now… she clenched on her jaw a little and unconsciously a smile crept on her lips before she continued on eating her dinner.

--

“Jungkook-ah… you’re still not over her… aren’t you?”

He and his dad had a talk after dinner while Rosé spend some ‘girl talk’ with his mom outside at the veranda… after their ‘eye contact’ earlier, it seemed that he can’t look at her again like he used to do…

He knows who his dad’s talking about… he knows how his dad never liked Tzuyu for him… just because his lover never came from a rich family just like Rosé… his dad had set the future for him and it does not include Tzuyu.

He just stayed silent… for he knows his dad would never listen to any of his reasons… and in the end he would never let him be with the one he truly loves.

“Son… I know you still love her… but you know why you can’t be with each other right…?”

Yes… he knows… it's because he's now tied with some girl he really doesn't know... if only he could blame his dad on how he’s too selfish for him to sacrifice his own love just for the sake of their wealth…

“Rosé is a very kind and beautiful girl… I heard from her parents that she too never liked to be married at such a young age and to a person that she doesn’t even know… but she agreed to it… maybe because of her family… her parents especially her dad was feeling guilty because for the second time in their family, they have to sacrifice their own daughter’s happiness for the sake of their business….”

Why is his dad talking about these things…? He thought… is it for him to love her…? Care for her and to push himself to fully accept her…?

But he’s too blind to get what his father’s talking about… he’s too selfish for his own happiness… that he believed that Rosé has the capability back then to stop everything… but she didn’t… that she too is selfish for their own wealth.

His dad tapped his shoulder realizing that his son’s completely lost in his own thoughts.

“Please try to understand and spend time with her… I really like her son… not because her family helped our business… set aside that fact… but because I know she’s a very caring person…for the short time me and your mom spend time with her… we were both easily got fond by her beauty not only outside but especially inside… we even never thought that she came from a rich family because she’s so simple and has simple needs… son, she’s not some kind of brat rich girl that we’ve expected her to be…. ”

He sighed… his parents know that he's been treating her good but what's up with this talk... why the sudden topic about her...? and suddenly confusion ran inside his mind… he wanted this talk to be ended quick… but then his father isn’t finished yet.

“I never liked Tzuyu not because she’s not from a rich family… but because I could feel something different from her once you introduced her to us back then… I know you’re truly in loved with her and maybe that’s the reason why you can’t see things in her the things other people see in her…”

He’s surprised… it’s the first time his dad had told him these things… he can’t understand what his dad’s talking about… he can’t think of that way especially to his lover… for him she’s the most beautiful and purest girl he ever met… and for his dad to talk about these things were like impossible and adding more to his confusion.

“I don’t… I can’t understand you…”

He finally blurted out… his fist clasped tightly… while he bowed his head down… and again… his dad patted his shoulder…

“It’s okay… I know it’s hard for you… all I just want to say is… just please continue being kind to Rosé… coz I know that she too is having a hard time associating with her new family… just please be there for her…”

His dad said… and it took him a while for him to nod at him… after that difficult topic, he finally felt a little comfortable when they talked about other things… but still words from his dad kept on ringing inside his head.

Why does everyone keeps on telling how beautiful she is… how they keep on pushing everything inside his head on how perfect she is… and how come he never thought and felt that way to her… except last night… and now, no matter how he shook off the thoughts away from his head… he just can’t help thinking about her…

It wasn’t the stress anymore… it wasn’t the pressure from his responsibilities anymore but purely his own thoughts of her… but why…? why is he thinking about her now…? After all those pains that he gave her… after all the happiness and the satisfaction he felt seeing her in her torment… why is he thinking about her now…?

Those eyes that he saw earlier… the sadness that it depicted, he knows he should be happy seeing it… the pain that been plastered in her face… he should be happy for in the first place he wanted it… he wanted every torture he’s giving to her… but why he can’t feel that satisfaction earlier… no… not earlier… but maybe it started last night…

Not satisfaction… but pain… since when did it start…? Why the sudden change of feeling…? Is it even possible…? Just like that…?

Everything in his mind right now was completely a mess… and the pricking feeling inside his chest doesn’t seem to help his confusion… his reasons were now completely unreasonable… and that his beliefs were completely turning out to be lies… lying to himself that he’s the victim… lying to himself that she’s the reason of his doom…

--

He saw her standing outside and still at the veranda… his mom’s not with her anymore… he just watched her from behind… how her tears streamed down from her face while she looked at the heavens…

Wondering what’s in her head right now… what’s the reason behind those tears… he just watched her as she shivered from the breeze’s coldness… then again it hit him… the same pinch in his heart has been pricking him again…

He clutched on his chest… as he watched her wiping off her own tears even it still keeps on pouring down… his breathing went hard… his feet totally glued on the floor… his mind… totally blank… but his heart… totally screaming its voice out… crazily beating as if it wanted to break out from its cage.

He can’t… he can’t go to her…. He can’t wrap his arms around her… he can’t give his warmth to ease her cold body… he can’t soothe her weeping heart and he can’t

wipe off those tears from her eyes.

For his only bound to keep her in pain… to bring agony to her lively life… to erase every smile and upcoming smiles that she could produce… he has no right to give her happiness for in the end he knows it would only bring her in more pain…and that she’s forever be bound to be locked with him and his bitter life...