ALWAYS

XXV

I instantly felt suffocated… I looked down at Tzuyu and back at Jungkook… he’s looking at me with an unreadable expression in his eyes… this isn’t happening… please God please tell me this is just a dream…

Jungkook quickly went towards us… pushing me a bit to the side… I felt my body weakened and I thought I would fall if not for me remembering to support myself…

‘No… it’s not what it looks like…’

I want to say those words so bad… but my voice betrayed me and preferred to be unheard… my body stiffened… as I looked at him , hurriedly stoop down to Tzuyu supporting her to stand up…


I could hear the hard pounding inside my chest… it’s starting to hurt… I tried blinking my eyes hoping everything would just be back to normal… but then… the scene in front of me won’t disappear in my sight…

I looked around and people started to surround us… I felt my legs trembling as noise filled the once silent space… I could hear my name being whispered by the bystanders…

‘No… it’s not what it looks like…’

Please… just tell those words…don’t let them misunderstood you once again… please give yourself some confidence to at least blurt out those words…

“Who did this to you…?”

I snapped out from my thoughts when I heard Jungkook asking his lover… bringing up her marked wrists enough for the people around us to see… my gaze landed to Tzuyu… she didn’t speak but her slight stare on me made everyone concluded who the culprit is…

I shook my head and turned to Jungkook… who was too looking at me… I could feel the sting in my eyes… I could feel the hate from people’s eyes… and I could feel the disappointment and disbelief in his eyes…

‘Please don’t look at me that way…’

I want to shout it out loud… by my voice… why am I betraying myself… why am I hurting myself more…

He didn’t spoke a word… he just looked at me… I was expecting a cold stare from him… but I got welcomed by hurt in his eyes… why are you looking at me like that…? I turned my gaze back at Tzuyu but she now buried her face on his shoulder… I heard her cry… and I saw how Jungkook wrapped his arms around her… just then… I realized my defeat…

I felt a great pain inside my chest… crushing my beating muscle… stopping the circulation of my blood…his contorted expression said it all… but I won’t accept it quickly… I have been hurt a million of times before… been misunderstood by people for a couple of times… am I not worthy to save myself now…?

My lips were trembling… tears started to fill my eyes and I could feel that any minute by now it would burst its way out…


“It’s not…-“

“Why…?”

My mouth left hanged open as he cut me off… why…? What does he mean by why…?

“Jungkook… I didn’t-…” “You almost got me…”
I saw him shook his head, still looking at me with those eyes… what is he talking about…? I tried to speak more but they started walking and pass by me… I felt my breath leaving me for a while when I felt his shoulder hit mine…

I quickly turned around and grabbed his wrist… a slight touch that send shivers down my spine… he turned back and did I just saw anticipation in his eyes…?

‘Just at least listen to me first… never did you listened to my words… al least for now… listen to me…’

“Please… believe me… I just saw her-…” “Oppa..”
And now her voice beats me to it… grabbing his hand and holding it securely in hers… just then I felt myself loosened my hold on him… what am I thinking…? Why am I still gasping for his attention and understanding… even though I know in the end I will still not be the person who he will believe to… he and the people around us… they are all blinded by their hate for me… so what’s the use of saving myself…? if I’m already convicted instantly in the first place…

I saw his lips parted… expecting another hurtful statement from him… I bowed my head… and couldn’t help for a tear to finally escape my eyes… I really am so weak… up until now I couldn’t fight for myself…

But surprisingly… I didn’t hear a thing from him… I looked up only to see his back facing me… together with her… they left me broken and misunderstood… leaving  me surrounded by the scrutinizing eyes of everyone… leaving me to be judged by  the hate of these people…

Someone… just someone… please save me…


Tears continuously rolled down on my cheeks… now... I’m being pathetic in front of everyone… do I still have some dignity left in myself…? Oh God, how I wish to just disappear right at this moment… but maybe even you has already hated me…for a simple pride I couldn’t even give myself…

Luckily, I felt my feet dragging me off somewhere… my vision’s spinning together with the blur that brought by my tears… I just want to escape… just for now… I wanted to be alone… to have time mocking myself… why am I so weak…?

My feet continuously dragged me to somewhere… … hitting people along my way… I don’t care where my feet bring me… I just want to get out of this place…at least by staying away from this hell I could save myself… what have I done to deserve all of this…?

It’s so painful… seeing him looking at me with such disbelief in his eyes… it’s more painful hearing him with those hurtful and insulting words… I should expect that from him… I should know that he of all people would be the last person who will believe me… but why is it so painful…?

Tzuyu… oh God…I hope what I just saw earlier is not really what it looked like… how could she do those things behind her lover’s back… Jungkook who doesn’t know anything will be hurt once he knew the truth about the incident earlier… doesn’t she know how much he loves her…? Isn’t it enough for her to know how ‘he’ breaks me everyday shoving to my face that never I would replace her in his heart…

Is he that blinded by his love to her…? That he couldn’t see what she really is behind those angelic eyes of hers… those smile that could melt everyone… her wholeness was just a lie… and would it be even her love for him….? I should have listened to Jennie… I shouldn’t have mind those noises earlier… I should have just followed Taehyung immediately… I should have… up until now… these regrets were the one hunting me… slowly killing me regrets after regrets… I’m a big failure of my own life…

--

“Oppa…”

They were in the infirmary room… he was silent after the incident earlier… looking blankly on the thin air… ‘her’ face… ‘her’ crying face was the last memory he registered in his mind…

Confusion filled his mind… he’s sure ‘she’ couldn’t do it to his lover… ‘she’ doesn’t


even know her well… but still he can’t help but to stay in his lover’s side… for he  had been with her longer than his wife… he knew her too well to know if she’s lying to him… but his wife’s face… those eyes that were seeking for understanding… was once again like a dagger being plunged deep inside his heart…

Who’s telling the truth…?

Tzuyu brought her hand to his face… caressing his cheek to gain his attention… and just then he snapped back from his thoughts… shifting his gaze towards his lover…but still didn’t speak a single word…

“Saranghae…”

She told him… he just looked at her… too guilty for he never felt any skip inside when she told him that word… and instead his wife’s words were ringing inside his mind…

‘Please… believe me…’

He dropped his gaze which made Tzuyu’s brow raised a bit… gritted her teeth and formed her hand into a tight fist… but before she could lose herself… she realized something…

She still have him… the incident earlier proved that he still loves her… seeing the other woman being so broken raised happiness inside of her… at least she knew Jungkook’s still in her hands… and enough for her to feel at peace… she wouldn’t take losing such great wealth just because of some rich vulnerable girl who popped out of nowhere…

She reached for him… he was like a dead body being instructed what to do… she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her… hugging him tight as if she doesn’t want to let go of him… and behind his back, a slight contented smile formed on her lips.

--

As soon as he brought Tzuyu back to her classroom… Jungkook got welcomed by his infuriating friend…

“What the hell did you do…?”

Taehyung grabbed his collar and pinned him to the wall… he knew why he’s
mad… probably he learned what happened earlier… Jungkook preferred to stay silent… he’s too tired to speak… too tired to even think…

Taehyung waited for her in the art’s room… everything was set and she’s the only one who’s missing… there wasn’t really any project for him to pass on a subject… how gullible she is to even believe for a music major to have such project… he just wanted to paint her... capture her beauty for his own good… also wanting to spend more time with her… as if he’s not contented by just seeing her everyday… he himself wanted to capture the beauty that made him fall deep…

And upon realizing what just happened between the three earlier made his blood boil… imagining how she looked like being misjudged by the people earlier… and imagining how her husband just stood there… watching her being broken… he should have just waited for her there… he should have just went with her and never leave her side… he should have been there to protect her…

He gripped on Jungkook’s collar tighter… not minding if he’s already suffocating his best friend… and together with the forming hate he’s feeling towards Tzuyu… he knew she was up to something, how could he forget that…?

“What do you want me to do…?”

Jungkook finally spoke… but a hint of aloof could be felt in his voice… Taehyung was more pissed… he roughly let go of friend and tried to calm himself down

“I couldn’t find her anywhere… she didn’t attend her next class”

Jungkook’s eyes widen a bit… and his gaze quickly shifted to his friend…

“Didn’t you understand me…? I said she’s missing… your wife is missing and it’s all because of you..!”

He yelled… good thing the hallway was empty… Jungkook’s hand formed into a fist... trying himself not to budge… feeding himself to become numb… he already hurt her for not believing her earlier… what’s the use of finding her now…?

“Forget it… if I find her myself… don’t expect that I’ll bring her back to you…”

His friend’s voice was serious… looking at him with such cold eyes… his fist loosened… and lips parted… Taehyung turned around and left him to find Rosé… leaving the other man confused and broken…

Jungkook leaned on the wall… sliding down… not minding he’s still in the hallways of their campus… burying his face on his arm as he hit the back of his head on the wall for a couple of times…

He looked to where Taehyung went… now with only the empty hallway he was battling to himself if he should look for her… what if his friend’s telling the truth… what if his friend finds her… is she going with him…?

In the end he dropped his gaze… together with those thoughts… for once he had the chance to make her stay… but his lies got over him again… drowning him only to hurt her and send her away from him again…

--

After hours of just walking… she found herself reaching the beach that once Soojin and her went to…she never thought it was just a bit close from their campus… she gasped as she smelled the salty scent of the sea… this was what she needs right now… a refuge for her to heal her wounds…

Despite her now numb feet… she managed to run towards the shore… tears started to feel her eyes once again… looking towards the waves of the sea… she broke into tears… her body collapsed… slumping down on the sands… burying her face on her hands… she cried all the tears she could manage to pour out… thanking the sound of the waves to cover up for her loud sobs…

Her whole body shook… never she would have a place in his life… never she would be heard by him… never he would pay a sight for her… for there’s only one person who deserve all those attention from him… and sadly… it’s not her…

--

Why am I feeling this way…? Your cold face would always appear inside my head… that could bring me to such peace just knowing your there… your words that maybe so hurtful yet I couldn’t help but to keep on listening… those smiles that I secretly watch from afar… and you seeing with your lover feels so painful… Jungkook… have I already fallen for you…?

Would it be a crime to at least fall for you…?
Why of all people should I feel this way towards you…? You, who only know how to inflict pain in me…

Why should I feel this way towards you…?

I hope my tears would drown me together with this unacceptable feelings… may this sea swallow me whole… numb me and my emotions… I’m so tired… my head hurts so much… and especially my heart… please… take this pain away…

Just then… a warm touch brought me from the coldness I am feeling… I looked up from my hands feeling someone holding onto my shoulder… I looked to my side and saw a hand… and I looked up to see a familiar man looking down at me with a worried look on his face… for a moment we were drown in each other’s orbs… my tears stopped... blurring my vision but I still managed to see the warm smile crept on his thin lips… enough for the whole coldness inside of me to subside.