ALWAYS

XVII

All throughout the night all he could think of is her… no matter how he shift his eyes especially his mind towards the girl he suppose to spend a happy night with… all he could see and think of is his wife…

Seeing her with his friend once again was really like a dagger being plunged inside his chest… how her smile could still melt his heart… how she could look good together with other men… and then suddenly it hit his mind if he too could look good with her… after all she’s his wife… but then… as usual… he brushed off the foolish thought… feeding himself especially his pride yet another lie…

But as much as he lock himself away and deny everything… in the end he still lose to himself… totally forgetting his pride once again… it now became his habit to succumb to his own self control…

She became like a drug… a drug that could enthrall every fiber of his body… a drug that he couldn’t escape to… at the same time a drug that continuously and slowly killing his heart….

No matter how he think of it… the reason behind the torture he’s suffering… he couldn’t make himself to get the right answer… for whenever he’s close to   answering it… he would always drop out… cowardly accepting defeat for he doesn’t want and never wanted to pursue the one and only answer his mind could give him…

Since when did he learn to compare his lover to his wife… since when did he anticipate for his lover to get tired and ask him to bring her home… and since when did he focus his attention to some other girl beside his lover… he’s now a wreck… totally confused and in pain… too much torture adding up to his stress… he just wanted to escape it for once… the night should give him his time to break free… but in the end… he would still be locked up together with his own suffering… that the girl he should pass on the pain he’s carrying inside became the primary reason of his torture.

--

He should see Tzuyu cute whenever she ask for him to do the tasks in every booth… he should be feeling fluttered whenever Tzuyu wrap her arms along with his… his heart should applause for excitement whenever Tzuyu peck on his lips…he should feel disappointed when Tzuyu told him she’s already tired from

walking around…and he should be feeling down thinking she couldn’t join him in watching the fireworks…

But he didn’t… blaming himself why doesn’t he feel the same for her just like back then… why he cant make himself head over heels drooling for her company… all through out he did was trying to just look at her… the face of the girl he fell in love with… the woman his heart should beat loudly… but he can’t… why can’t he feel the same…? Since when did it all started…?

Such a peculiar feeling… his heart wouldn’t do somersault anymore whenever her sweet smile crept on her lips… his heart wouldn’t beat twice faster than it normally beats whenever she says she loves him… the voice that he always wanted to hear became just like any other sound… being mixed with the noise of the fair… how could everything change so fast…

It’s his first to see her became disappointed when he didn’t get her what she wanted… or maybe he already did saw her back then but too blinded to see that she really liked throwing tantrums whenever she didn’t get what she wants…. It’s his first to notice how her expression changes from serene to being irritated whenever they would have to try another booth… it’s his first to notice that she wasn’t really fond of walking around and instead insisting that they would just go to her house and spend the time there… he really wanted to enjoy the fair… especially watch the fireworks with her… but to his disappointment it’s his first to know that she never liked watching fireworks… telling him that it’s too smoky whenever it ends…

In the end she decided to go home… slightly telling him through her actions that she shouldn’t have agreed coming to the fair… constantly dusting of her dress when they were in his car… fixing herself each minute… totally ignoring the bear he worked hard for… for she would pout the entire night if he couldn’t get it for her…

He was silent… just listening to her small rants about how could the university allow outsiders to join the fair… that the fair shouldn’t be held in the field for it’s too dusty… and that it should just be a concert rather than a lame fair…

Since when she became such a nagger…? he realized… Until he found himself sighing after every of her complaints…

A wave of relief showered him when they got to her house… she invited him in but being with her somehow made him tired… he managed to get himself excused… telling her he have some business to finish… she pouted… obviously disappointed again…

That night he didn’t kiss her goodbye… just a small wave after series of persuasion to let him go…

And after that… here he go again… finding himself going back to the fair… hoping that ‘she’ would still be there… it bothers him thinking if she’s still with his friend… how foolish could he get deciding to go back and still pushing his luck finding her alone…

His heart paced hardly when he’s finally close to the fair… his feet dragged him quickly as soon as he arrived… looking for her around the area… and literally for him… he felt the time stopped when he saw her familiar figure under that fateful tree…

How could he forget looking first to her sanctuary… and just then… he felt himself being carried away by the wind… towards her… in front of her… together with her little angel… and still… to his wonder, how her eyes could draw him out of his consciousness…

He heard the first batch of the fireworks… saw it through the reflection of her eyes how the glitters of light showered upon the heavens… and there… his heart skipped once again… and his breath caught up in his throat… afraid he would choke… he managed to heaved a deep sigh….

Maybe together with the relief of seeing her alone… and maybe together with the relief of finally finding her…

The colorful heavens lightened up her face… how breath taking her beauty could be… maybe more beautiful than the joint lights of the fireworks… immaculate… just perfect…

--

They sat quietly beside each other… the fireworks continued its wonders… both of them had their eyes to the heavens…the sounds momentarily broke the formed awkwardness between them… and still under their own world… with nothing could  be heard other than the simultaneously hard beats of their hearts and the sounds of the fireworks…

How she wished for the moment not to stop… how he wished the same…

How she felt wonderful having her heart beats wildly… how he felt the same…

How happy could she be at this moment… and how he felt the same… Another unforgettable night… not only for her… but definitely for him…
Both oblivious as to what the other feels at the moment… keeping only to themselves the stolen happiness they’re both unknowingly sharing…

And just then his hand landed to hers… both stiffened at the sudden contact… but he didn’t pull it back… loving the warmth that her hand is giving him… that she too couldn’t resist…

Minutes passed… still no one spoke a word… the fireworks lessened… until the last batch were blown in the skies… the light slowly subsided… until it revealed back the velvet paint of night….

People started to go home… the once noisy and lively fair slowly silenced… everything now ended… and together by their earlier moment… it would remain part of the university’s memory…

Soojin stirred from her sleep… breaking the two back from their reverie… their hands parted as Rosé caressed the back of her little angel…

Jungkook did the same… and when he noticed a slight shiver from the little girl… he took off his sweater and wrapped it around the child… Rosé looked at him shyly… he looked at her but quickly broke the gaze… bringing himself back to reality….

“We should go home…”

He said monotonously as he stood up… she nodded and tried to scoop up Soojin but almost fall back if not for her husband’s support… her legs felt numb for letting Soojin sleep on her lap for quite a while.

He held her on her waist… and noticed her numbed legs… he sighed and got Soojin from her arms… letting the child’s head on his shoulder as it continued her slumber…

He let go of her… got the teddy bear from the ground and gave it to his wife… “Can you walk…?”
He said in his always cold voice.

“Ye- yes…”

She stuttered as she nod… he looked at her first before turning his back and started his track… holding the little girl securely on his arms.

Unconsciously, a smile curved on her lips… she hugged the teddy bear on her arms and walked after her husband…


The ride was quiet… Soojin’s now on Rosé’s arms… while she too has fallen asleep… He didn’t notice it not until they got home…

He looked at his side when he noticed that she’s still not getting out from the car… his jaw tightened as he felt another wave of weird skip inside his chest awhen he saw her sleeping form…

He sighed and a crease formed on his forehead… it’s now been quite a while since they got home… but he cant make himself to wake her up… he ran his hand along his hair while he’s slumped on his seat.

He looked at her again and saw her lips parted a bit… the lips that made him lose himself once seemed like taking an effect on him again…

His hand then suddenly reached for her smooth face… trailing his fingers from her cheek down to her plump lips…

He wanted to feel it again in his… such a cruel intention of him while a little angel is still on her arms…

She then finally stirred from her sleep when she felt something warm touching her lips… he quickly pulled back his hand… she rubbed her eyes with her other hand  and yawned a bit… he just found himself watching every of her moves… he could’ve just get out of the car instantly but he chose to stay.

“Omo… we’re already home…”

She said sleepily as she looked around… she found him staring at her and can’t help but to feel a little guilty thinking if he had waited for her to wake up

“Mianhe…”

She bowed her head a bit to him.

He gasped upon hearing the word again. He began to hate that word when she
said that night’s ago… he looked away… and didn’t answer her back… he just went outside of his car… she too did the same…

The maids started to come and greet them back… quite surprised to see them together but definitely happy to the scene before them.

“Let them take her in…”

He said to her as he made his way inside… The maids got Soojin from her. “Uhmm… Jungkook… can she sleep in our room…?”
She called to him… he looked back… for she thought he would go to his lover’s house… better yet let her niece join her in sleep. soon after the two were left alone
on the entrance.

“Can’t she sleep alone in the guest room…?”

He suddenly blurted out… his eyes widen a bit upon saying those words… the thoughts of having her tonight lingered his mind that he completely forgot controlling his own words… but relieved that she seemed didn't notice his intentions…

“Uhmmm well she can but-…”

“Fine… I’ll go sleep in the guest room…”

He cut her off and walked away but she ran after him… she caught up with him and grabbed his hand… he stiffened feeling her hand with his again but managed to look back… it all sunk in to her now that he wouldn’t be going to his lover’s house tonight.

“You can still sleep in our room… the bed is too big for the three of us…”

He jaw tightened again. a moment of stillness until he crept a smirk… he turned
around and leaned closer to her.

“Do you want me to do it with you in front of your niece…?”

She shivered a bit… realized why he doesn’t want her niece to sleep in their room… she looked down and let go of his hand… hearing those words from him hit her hard… admitting to herself that maybe she’s slowly falling into their lustful deed… she wanted to feel his gentleness once again… she knows it’s stupid… totally low of her to think about those things… he had raped her multiple times but here she is now wanting for more just because of that one night.

He looked at her… thinking that of course she wouldn’t want it… he looked away and clicked his tongue.

“It’s already late… go to sleep…”

And with that he left her standing there… went to the guest room and flopping himself down against the door… hugging his knees and pulling his hair a bit by his hands… and after a while he groaned and run a hand on his hair while leaning himself on the door…

Remembering her porcelain skin… her pink lips… soft hands… plump cheeks… his chest began to throb hard again… memories of what happened between them that night repeated inside his mind once again… his lips parted as his breathing got heavy…

“I want you so badly…”

He whispered painfully looking ahead of the room… hitting the back of his head at the door hoping the thought would come off while clutching his chest with his other hand...

'This is wrong.... I couldn't succumb to her... why is this happening...? I can't... not to you Rosé....

He held covered his mouth as he felt another wave of pain...

'I couldn't be in love with you. '