Back in Black // Sirius Black

Chapter 21

<<<Sirius Black>>>

When I first found out Lexi was pregnant with Cassie, I was terrified. Given my upbringing, I had no idea how to raise children in a proper environment. I used to hope I would become anything but like my father, Orion Black. I suppose I got what I asked for. Although I didn't become the abusive, judgmental father figure, I became the absent one. Cassie and Regulus grew up without me, and they grew into fine young adults. It hurt to think that they didn't need me one bit.

Still, I wanted nothing more than to be a part of their lives. Even though she was now fourteen, I felt like a new father around Cassie. Instead of fearing I would drop my newborn baby, I was terrified I would say the wrong thing, and the teenager would resent me. I often looked for assurance from Lexi around the children. Sometimes, talking to them seemed more daunting than facing a Dementor.

After my months in hiding with Lexi, I'd thankfully noticed a difference in my interactions with Cassie and Regulus. Our conversations were no longer forced, and I felt as if the children looked forward to our meetings as much as I did. Lexi supervised everything, and I was thankful to have her as the mediator in case I started a parenting disaster. She grew into such a wonderful mother. The way Lexi cared for and raised our children only seemed to make me love her more. Still, the feeling was slightly unsettling because I soon realized Lexi didn't even need me to become the best mother. No one in the family seemed to need me.

You could imagine my surprise when Cassie asked to meet me without her mother's supervision.

"Mum, I was wondering if I could work on my Patronus project alone today," Cassie asked when she arrived at the inn.

"Alone? But don't you need our assistance to perform such a difficult charm?" Lexi asked dubiously.

"I need Sirius' assistance," Cassie clarified. "I was wondering if it were okay if I worked with only Sirius today."

Lexi's jaw dropped, as did mine. We exchanged shocked glances, and I stared at Cassie nervously. Cassie's grey eyes were filled with hope, and she beamed when her mother finally agreed to let us practice alone.

Soon enough, Cassie and I arrived at a hidden cave near the outskirts of Hogsmeade. I knew about the place from my escapades with my girlfriends during my Hogwarts years. The quiet, secluded area in the woods was the perfect location for Cassie to practice her Patronus charm. As we approached the clearing, I kept wondering why Cassie wanted to work with me alone. I didn't have the courage to ask, and instead started to instruct her on how to produce a Patronus.

Cassie was a very intelligent and determined girl. Her progress was remarkable, but it never seemed to be good enough to her. With each casting of the spell, Cassie was able to produce an impressive amount of silver fog. Still, she was constantly frustrated, and I was scared to ask her what was on her mind.

"I'll never get it, I'll never become an Animagus!"

"Cassie, what is the rush?" I yelped after Cassie threw her wand to the ground in a huff. Red sparks flew from the tip of her wand, and it skittered to my feet.

"I just... I need to find some sort of talent to impress..." Cassie began. "Nevermind, it's stupid."

"To impress your mother?" I asked. "To impress your friends? Your professors?" A faraway look plastered Cassie's face. She wouldn't meet my eyes. "Oh, to impress... a boy?"