Drunken Mistake

: 12

Past Dilemma

"Can you be my girlfriend?"

I stare at Liam with wide eyes and mouth agape. I'm speechless. Despite the loud cheering and shouting of the crowd all I can heard is my beating heart. My head running a miles yet not working at all!

Dang.

He's looking at me full of admiration, hope and love. It's terrifying- definitely.

I--

Taking a deep breathe, I glance side ways. Seeing Mica look at me with worry clouding her eyes- She must have already know.

Closing my eyes, I ready myself for a storm coming. Sorry. Shit.

"Liam. I can't, I'm sorry."

As if he couldn't understand what I said, he's smile didn't faltered. A minute passed- slowly I can see the recognition in his eyes. It's faltering- the light of hope is slowly vanishing. And for some reason- I don't like seeing it gone.

But I know I can't. As much as I want to hold him right here and now- I can't.

And that frustrates me!

"I know you have your reasons Baby- But.. We need to finish it first."

Showing me his award winning smile again- it didn't reach his eyes. That smile.. It's a force one.

He stands up. Holding his hand on me. He pulled me closer to him- As if his life depends on it.

"That's all everyone! Thank you for your time and support!"

And the cheering loudens. Tho I know they're confuse- they seems to misunderstand the situation.

A short minute passed as we exited the stage, he lets me go before excusing his self from his band mates.

Dang!

I feel guilty, terrible but I can't. I'm... not ready to commit yet.

As I exited the back stage, Mica approached me.

"Are you fine?"

She has a look that mirrored worry. I look away- I know If I continue looking at her, I would break down.

"I just wannna rest Mica. It hurts."

As if sensing my dilemma, She nod. She told me to go first to her car and she would explain it to the other two. Since there's really no class because of the program, I'm lucky.

It took me a while to get into her car. I'm in dazed. My mind as if making up for what happened earlier- spacing out on the crowd- it's working twice than it's normal pace.

I'm remembering a lot of things. Liam, my feelings towards him, what I heard about his past- everything! Including my.. past.

I'm not dumb nor dense. I know too well what I feel about the guy.

I'm falling for him- No. I already fall. Hard. Fast. Helplessly.

I know that but I'm afraid. It seems so fast! Despite the feeling of knowing the guy as if we know each other for eternity- My feelings scares me.

This overwhelming pain- tugging my chest- As if telling me how dumb my decision is.

I can't. I'm lost.

"Hey, It's fine Mavs. Don't cry, I don't know If I should call you stupid or what, really."

Startled. I flinch, hearing Mica's voice beside me.

"You didn't even notice me. You really need a break Mavs. Take your time and rest for the next two days but remember, We have an exam on September 3 and 4. Try distracting yourself with the lessons and study but Mavs.."

Sensing her sudden shift of mood. I can't help but stare at her raven colored eyes.

"Before everything, I already told you about Liam's past. The guy is a survivor before he found you. I know you're scared but you know your feelings. Don't make any stupid decisions Mavs. You reject the guy yet you're crying. I can't believe the greatest Mavie Reins, who ignore all guys is crying because of a special guy. See the irony?"

Crying? I touch my cheeks to confirm is I'm really crying- and it's wet.

Woah. I'm crying without me knowing. Dang. How am I so stupid?!

I love Liam. Why am I so scared about?! Scared that maybe it's just a fleeting feeling? That after all he would just leave me like everyone else did? Fuck!

I'm so stupid!

That guy took a risk despite his past and yet here I am. Being coward and scared!

Dang! You're so stupid Mavie Reins!

"Stop the car Mica!"

"Hey! Calm down."

Once she stopped the car, I stepped out. Carrying a new resolve on me.

"Where are you going?!"

I didn't bother answering Mica. I know by now she aleeady guess.

Why am I so stupid?! Argggh!

-

At a young age Mavie Reins experienced the pain of being left behind

She was left alone by her parents when she was a kid- she was always left alone in their big mansion together with her maids and butlers.

Her mom on an another country to work while his dad is all around the town doing business and such.

She know the pain of it all- but she denys it. Always denying. She never admits to herself that she's feeling alone- saying that she has her maids to look after her. She wasn't like any other kid who would throw a tantrums because their parents can't see them. She' not asking for more- afraid of what's the risk for asking.

Mavie realize that it was for her own good that her parents is away and she accepted that fact- but that doesn't mean she didn't feel lonely- that doesn't mean she didn't feel pain.

She does- but she never acknowledges it.

Even when she turns 7, 12 or 15. She always believe that she's fine alone.

Even if her last boyfriend left her for being weird and all- she doesn't feel alone.

But she does.

And for the first time in her life she acknowledges it.

She accepted that he need someone. She let herself feel the pain of being alone. And for the first time she takes the risk of asking more.

Because she wants more... She needs more. And the only one who can give her what she wants is..

"Liam!"