BAD BOY ABUSED (male pov)

#46 I'm too damaged to let you in.

I woke up, hoping the nights events were just part of some horrific nightmare but when I glanced over at Liv I was reminded of the painful expression she wore on her face when I tore into her skin. I slipped out of bed, using her shower to cleanse away the badness, or at least try to. I quietly headed to the kitchen, leaving her extra time to sleep in.

As I loaded the pancakes on the plate I felt cheap, like I was trying every trick in the book to make it up to her but in reality my crime was unforgivable.

"Liv... wake up."

She appeared so peaceful and even wore a small smile on her lips as she lived comfortably through her dreams.

"Liv.."

Two sleepy eyes blinked back at me sweetly.

"I made you breakfast and let you lie in past the alarm clock, but you don't have long to get ready now." I said, feeling nervous now that she was awake and the events of last night lingered over us like a big fat elephant in the room. I sat down beside her and watched her tuck into the warm dough.

"How are you feeling this morning." She said indirectly addressing the situation.

"Better." I lied, trailing my eyes towards her bandages and feeling a rush of guilt wash over me.

"Don't." She warned, reading my thoughts. She got up to use the bathroom.

My attention got drawn to a large patch of red blood that covered her white bed sheets. My heart jumped into my mouth. Oh my God, was that me? Did I do that to her? Did I pop the vein and she kept bleeding?

"Oh my God Liv! You're bleeding" I screeched, alarmed at the sight and the thought of me hurting her that bad.

She threw her hands over her face with embarrassment and I looked from the bed to her wrist, the bandage was still mostly white. The blood couldn't have come from her wrist. I looked back at the bed, it wasn't in the right place to come from the wrist either.

"Oh." I muttered as the realization set in.

She practically ran off into the bathroom and I quickly stripped the sheets off the bed so the blood didn't stain.

"You stripped my bed?" She still wore her red face but I think she was horrified I had her dirty sheets in my hand.

"Yeah, you gotta wash the sheets right away on a cold wash or the blood will stain. Trust me I know." I told her.

She pulled her hands back over her face "Oh my God." she exclaimed.

Seriously after the way I acted last night this is what brings her shame, I moved over to her and gently removed her hands so I could look into those pretty eyes.

"You're not seriously embarrassed about this are you? You've seen me cry, have meltdowns, lose control, get morning glory, have nightmares, the list goes on. This is nothing, it's natural." I reassured her.

I just overreacted before because I thought I was the one who did it.

"So is elephant shit but I wouldn't wanna see it plastered all over my bed."

For the first time this morning I laughed. She laughed and things felt a little less tense.

***

"Sup Liam, you don't seem very happy." Jordan said as he bounced the soccer ball from one knee to the other.

"I messed up pretty bad last night." I said quietly.

"With Olivia?" Zak asked and I nodded.

"What happened?" Jordan asked, stopping his tricks.

"It doesn't matter." I said stopping the conversation there.

"Chins up, you'll fix it." Zak said.

I tried to put her out my mind and focused on practicing my soccer skills, my friends moved the conversation on to the girls they had set up plans to sleep with at the lock in but I stayed quiet, keeping my mind on the ball.

I felt a sharp jolt to the back which shoved me forward, catching me off guard like a knife slicing through my flesh. I turned around to see Olivia's friend, with a face like a raging bull full of anger and hatred directed at me. Another shove came to the chest, tearing off the layer of skin that protects me from the darkness.

"You think you're a big man huh? Hitting girls, what you got for me?" she screamed at me, shoving into me again making me feel like I was bleeding under the material of my jersey.

Of course she told her friend what happened, she probably tells her everything and now she was attacking me and I have never deserved it more. Liv followed behind her as the guilt swallowed me whole. Her eyes locked on to mine and I searched for answers amongst the green, I needed to know if she was really okay or was putting on a front this morning because she was frightened of me. I didn't even care that she told her friend, this is what I deserved. For everyone to know I'm a damaged, piece of shit.

Jordan stood in front of me, blocking her friend coming any closer with her thunderous hands. "He's not hurt anyone so take yourself off our field." Olivia visibly cringed at his words, clearly uncomfortable with the entire situation.

"He has, look at her wrists. Show them Liv." Her friend burnt her eyes into my scalp but I kept mine blinking blankly at Olivia as haunting images replayed in my mind of yesterday.

The look of pain on her face as I buried my nails deep into her skin, wanting to cause pain. Aiming to make her bleed, desiring to kill. I was just like him. Everything I tried not to be but moulded by the person who raised me. She's safer without me, I'm dangerous. Damaged.

"It wasn't him." her friend turned to face her "It was me. I did it to myself." She said without taking her eyes off me.

"Think you owe my boy an apology." Zak said, stepping forward.

I said nothing, my guilt just climbed knowing Olivia was lying for me and my friends were defending a monster but I couldn't speak, I was numb. Letting her go was my only choice.

"If I find out you're hurting her I'll castrate your balls." her friend said before stomping off the pitch leaving Olivia and I to stare down the awkwardness in silence. I couldn't take it any longer and stalked away towards the locker rooms.

"I'm just like him." I whispered to myself repeatedly.

"She's better off with the basketball player."

"I could hurt her again."

"Liam?" Her voice stopped my mutterings but I was in no mood to speak to her right now. She needed to stay away.

"Liv, I need a minute." I spoke deep and cold.

"Liam, don't shut me out." She sat down on the bench and slid over to where I was sitting.

I have no choice but to shut you out Liv, because I'm too damaged to let you in.

"Liv, I need a minute." I repeated, desperately trying to get my head around the situation.

"I'm sorry. She saw the cuts and assumed it was you." She blurted out, ignoring my pleas.

"It was me." I said quietly, feeling the guilt overspilling. "If I can hurt you once, I will hurt you again. I'm just like him." I could hear the emotion in my stained voice as I said those words out loud.

"Liam you're nothing like him, don't say that. You didn't mean to hurt me, you had a nightmare and I touched you when I shouldn't of. It was an accident, I'm fine."

I grabbed her wrists and eased the material of her sleeve up, sighing at the heartwrenching display of cuts and colour on her swollen skin. It looked a mess, and I could how tightly I gripped her just at the sight of the gash. I felt small, powerless to my own control and overtaken by a deep sadness.

"Liam stop, I'm fine." Olivia begged.

I tucked a stray hair behind her ear, looking softly in her eyes. I won't let that happen again.

"I don't think we can be friends anymore." I said quietly before getting up and walking out, leaving her sitting alone on a cold bench.