BAD BOY ABUSED (male pov)

#47 I wasn't sweating it

Life without Liv was miserable but I already knew that. She came to soccer practice and sat up on the bleachers looking lost and I knew that she was waiting for me to talk to her but I never did because my need to stay away from her was fueled by fear of hurting her and that weighed out above all odds. During our lessons in psychology I rested my head on the table and ignored her existence.

I thought the moment I pulled away from Liv my darkness would roll in and I would lose control of myself, throwing myself back into the world of girls, drugs and fights. But in all honesty I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness. It's suffocating and I don't see a way out but at least I'm not consumed by rage and fear. I don't think any physical pain could compare to the emotional one I'm struggling with right now.

I sat on my bike ready to zoom off towards the arcade but in the distance I spotted her friend Harris. He sat on the steps of the school with his head buried inside his phone, looking at the screen with great detail like he was playing a game. I rubbed the back of my neck as I climbed off my bike. I know what I needed to do. I walked over to him and waited for him to acknowledge me.

"Harris, right?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry I lost my shit with you at the bonfire, I'm a dick when I've been drinking."

"Don't sweat it man."

I nodded and walked away "I wasn't sweating it" I mumbled under my breath. But apologizing to him felt liberating in the saddest way. I felt like I had officially let Liv go, she was better off with him and I hoped my apology would tell her that this is what I wanted for her. Even if seeing them together shattered my heart into a million pieces.

***

For the first time in three days she hadn't shown up at my soccer practice, I figured her boyfriend told her I apologized and they got together. I felt numb to everything, breaking inside and nobody could see it. Letting her go because that's what is best for her. I shot some penalties while I waited for the locker rooms to clear out and focused my energy on getting the ball into the net.

"Liam?" I imagined her voice so loud and clear I had to turn around to see if she was really there.

She stood timidly in front of me, holding out a bag of Mcdonalds take away in her hand but I didn't take it off her. She looked radiant, happy. That's the effect I have on not being in her life. I looked at her Mcdonalds with a furrowed brow and questions behind my eyes.

"It's Mcdonalds" she stated the obvious like that explained everything. "I owed you lunch." she followed up with.

"Liv, you can't be here." I said gently.

"Harris said you apologized. Thank you for that."

I rubbed the back of my neck. I wasn't strong enough for her to tell me they were together and she was moving on from whatever twisted friendship we had. She smiled knowingly and I grabbed the Mcdonalds bag from her and looked inside.

"You got me a salad from Mcdonalds? Who gets a salad from Mcdonalds?" I said not masking my disappointment but also slightly amused that she had done this on purpose because everyone knows I love food.

"I would of got you a burger, but I only buy burgers for my friends." She said purposely.

A smile tugged on my lips, I've really missed her. Her humor, the power she has to lighten tension between us, the way she keeps me on my toes. The truth was I would cave even if she offered me a three week old moldy tomato but there was something much bigger here than just the good times. Her safety. I wasn't willing to waiver on that for anything.

"Liv -" I started.

"I miss you." She interrupted.

"I miss you too but that doesn't change anything. We still can't be friends. I gotta go shower." I answered truthfully, walking away towards the locker rooms.

"Liam." she called after me.

"I'm sorry Liv, It just is the way it is."

***

I sat on the dock with Jordan, Zak and Ben. Looking out at the calm water with a joint in my hand and Olivia on my mind.

"I'm going win this bet, got the biggest loser already hooked under my charms." Zak said, dismissing the fact he had a girlfriend.

I ignored him, staying silent as I let the power of marijuana give me an escape from Olivia who seemed to be glued to my mind.

"I'm going to try and bring Olive. You don't mind if I ask her on a date do you Liam, since you're not talking and all?" Jordan said, trying to get under my skin and failing.

"Do what you want." I challenged, knowing he would never do that and even if he did, she would never accept.

"I was so sure Liam was going to win the bet." Ben said with a proud smile on his face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked turning my full attention towards Ben. I could see Zak and Jordan shaking their heads at Ben, warning him not to continue the sentence but he always was as stupid as he looks.

"Thought Olivia was a done deal for you and you would win for sure. I still remember feeling her quiver under my touch." He smiled proudly and looked at his fingers.

My fist automatically launched towards his face and knocked him backwards with the force, Ben got up and shoved into me aggressively but it didn't even knock me backwards. I launched at him again with my whole body and I could sense the commotion around us as Zak and Jordan jumped to their feet making attempts to stop the unfolding fight. I pushed Ben into the water and jumped in after him holding his head down under as he struggled for oxygen.

"Jesus Christ Liam, you're gonna kill him." I heard from the behind me as I held Ben's head under the water, wanting to kill him. I didn't let up and I could feel his struggle diminishing under my hold.

"Liam he's going limp you're drowning him." Jordan said trying to pull me off but the friction of the water made things even harder.

"Oh shit I think he's passed out." Zak shouted as Ben went stiff underneath me.

They managed to pull me off him and I climbed out of the water, saying nothing to them and stormed off leaving them to revive Ben, or not, I didn't care.