BAD BOY ABUSED (male pov)

#52 You.

"Would you like more ice cream Liam?" The kind lady asked and I shrugged my shoulders not feeling confident enough to say yes or even nod my head.

"Just give him some." In my moment of silence Olivia was my voice.

Her mom loaded my plate with the most delicious looking vanilla ice cream and then added two wafers and some chocolate chips. My hungry tummy grumbled and I quickly dug my spoon in and demolished the cold desert before her mom could change her mind and take it away from me.

"Okay the tree house is my tower and I'm trapped, you have to slay the dragon and save me."

I grabbed the foam sword and swooshed it through the air but even a six year old me knew how ironic it was that I was the one who needed to save her. Her giggle brought me out of my dream and I blinked in the slither of sunlight peeking through the blinds. Wow, I can't remember the last time I had a pleasant dream.

Maybe you're getting used to sharing a bed Liam.

I felt the soft pads of her finger tips glide over my back in a small, sweet movement that tickled the surface of my skin. In that moment I was thankful that I was waking up from a nice dream because I could tolerate her touch but fúck she doesn't learn her lesson does she?

I rolled over to meet her enthralling green eyes sparkling with burning curiosity and I instantly knew she had traced her fingers over one of my many scars.

"What did I tell you about touching me when I'm asleep?" I said calmly.

"What are they?"

As my mind instantly relieved through some of the heartbreaks from my childhood the darkness rolled in, threatening to take away the sated feeling I clung to from my wonderful dream. Liv waited patiently for me to answer but I doubt she thought she could get through my integument.

"Cigarette burns." I replied quietly and I have no idea why but I felt compelled to share more so I continued. "Things were real bad when I was young, I  was just a helpless kid. They would stump their cigarettes out on me, they would throw me in a crate for long hours without food, drink or bathroom breaks just so I wasn't runnin' around the house being loud. The bashing's were harder too because my body could take less."

I struggled with the darkness, it was clawing at my skin wanting to rip out my throat and my lungs couldn't quite keep up. She reached out and grabbed my hand and the tiny gesture punctured a hole through the darkness and let in a pocket of light.

"They?" she asked timidly.

Yes, they. My mom doesn't love me, she never has and I don't believe she ever will but I honestly didn't feel ready to fall down that rabbit hole with her right now.

"Don't think just because I protect her she's any better than him. She's no angel but she's my mom and I can't help but love her." I admitted honestly and silently prayed she didn't push for more answers.

***

We arrived at school in Jordans car and as we stepped out of the car together we became the center of attention. Having this many people watching me was uncomfortable, what if I gave something away?

Olivia hovered awkwardly, clearly feeling as out of place as me and suddenly my alien feeling transferred to the situation between us. I felt like we were somewhere beyond just saying goodbye but I felt like we were beneath hugging goodbye, besides that would just get people talking even more.

You're Liam Maines, don't overthink this.

"uh... I got to get to soccer practice, the scouts coming today."  I muttered out.

"Okay, bye Liam." She said casually.

"See ya later Liv." I said before walking away feeling empty that I missed a chance to cradle her in my arms in a rare moment I actually wanted to.

I made my way down the corridor holding my head held high and walking towards the locker rooms but Ruby intercepted me on the way, leaning up against my locker. In a quick movement she grabbed the edge of my jacket and pulled me towards her almost clanging our bodies together. I stepped backwards holding my hand out so she couldn't come any closer.

"I'm not in the mood Ruby." I told her straightly.

"You're never going to get what you want out of her, you should just move on to better things." Ruby grabbed hold of one of my biceps and gently moved her hand up and down my arm blinking with flirtatious eyes.

"What, like you?" I said sarcastically as I shrugged her hands off me.

"She's too virginal for you." She used her index finger to trace circles around my chest and I instantly flinched backwards, getting increasingly annoyed about her hands on me like bugs trapped under the surface of my skin.

Oh Ruby how little you know. I'm so fucked up that her being virginal is my perfect match.

I grabbed her hands, holding them still and away from my body.

"Don't worry about the needs of my dick, it's not your concern." I said sternly before dropping her hands and walking away. God, I wish she would just take a hint.

***

Olivia was on my mind the whole day so by the time Psychology rolled around my heart was pounding on the inside of my chest and my feet couldn't walk to the classroom fast enough. She was sitting there looking lovely as usual with her blonde curls flowing weightlessly around her face and her little pink lips pressed up against the tip of a pencil.

I smiled genuinely when I sat down beside her and she took me by surprise asking if I was nervous for the scout tonight. Of course I answered 'no' without putting much thought into it.

I found soccer at my darkest time. When I turned seven and stopped relying on Olivia for an escape I used to run to the park and became friends with Jordan and his crowd who used to play soccer. It became my escape anytime something bad happened, I spent hours in the park with a soccer ball forgetting everything and focusing on perfecting my skill. When I'm on the field I shut out everything else, every emotion I'm struggling with and every dark thought I'm having. There is nothing but me and the game.

"So what's the plan then, for the future?" She asked seeming genuinely interested.

You.

"I wanna become a professional player, this scouts from Stanford University. That's one of the best colleges for soccer players and if I could get a full ride then it will give me a foot in the door for my future."

"Wow, I never knew you even thought about college. You've spent high school being so reckless, I always thought you didn't care about college or school work."

"Of course I do. It's all about the money, Liv. I don't wanna have to worry about money in my future, I've been there and done that. I've gone hungry, I've sat in darkness with no heat because the bills were not met, I've seen what people do just to get money. THat's not gonna be me. I'm gonna make a shit load of money so my kids don't have the same worries as I did or do."

"You want kids?"

"You picked up on that out of everything I said?"

Truth is, when I thought about my future I thought about myself being normal, capable of being happy. Having a family and showing them endless amounts of love and never having them doubt that they are cared for greatly. But also feeling the unconditional love back from them. I thought about them tucked up safely in their beds, sleeping soundly knowing nobody is going to come in and do terrible things to them because Daddy would protect them at all costs. I thought about them having food on the table whenever they felt hungry. That image was what I strived for, it was my hope and Olivia had no idea how much hope she gave me.

"I mean sure I do, someday."

I just hope I can shake off enough of my damage to make it happen.