Little Shelby Girl

Part 4. Already dead

Vive's POV

It's been four days since they told me I lost my twin brother. Four days since my soul left my body.

At the moment, I honestly don't feel anything at all which is quiet, nice for a change. Three days, I have been screaming, kicking, crying, vomiting. It literally became a routine. Right now, I'm only thinking of ways to avoid my family. Aunt Pol, she locked herself in her room and prays the whole fucking day. Arthur has been drunk for four days straight, sleeps and eats in The Garrison. Tommy, he's in the house. Begging me to come out of my room, spending his nights at uncle Charlie's place.

I want to come out of my room, I just can't. I've never needed Tommy more before, but I also want to kill him. I want to shoot him, with his own gun. It's his fault Finn's dead. He started the war with the Lee family and now our brother is dead.

A voice in my head says we're even now. I took our mom, he took our brother.

The Lee family blew up Tommy's car. Unfortunately, Finn was sitting in it, God knows why since he can't even drive it, while he waited for Charlie to come home. Just bad luck there was a bomb in the car, meant for Tommy.

I'm in my bed searching the ceiling for new cracks. Can't find any. I am constantly busy thinking about anything but Finn. The thought of never seeing him again makes me feel light in the head.

"Vive, you need to get out. Otherwise I will kick in the door. You have 5 minutes to unlock it." I already wondered when the next begging session would start. I take a deep breath and get up from my bed. I unlock the door and go straight back to the bed. I know eventually he'll get me out of this room, so let's be a big girl now.

He opens the door and I give him a quick look. He's pale and I notice he has lost weight these days. He seems broken, just like me.

As he walks in he gets a chair and puts it besides my bed.

"I know you're mad, but I need you to talk to me. Finn's..."

"Don't... say his fucking name." I cut him off.

"I can't handle it, you saying his name right now." Tears already starting to well up again. Fuck, thought I had used them all up for today.

Tommy nods at me and puts his head in his hands. For a minute he's just quiet, looking at the floor. I have turned my gaze from him, can't look him in the eyes without bursting out in tears.

"Viv, do you mind if I come lay with you for a sec?"

Between my tears, I make place next to me. Not saying a word. He places himself next to me on the bed and puts his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. He sighs deep while I break down, again. Tears are streaming down my face, onto his white shirt.

"It's okay love, it's okay. I am so sorry Vive. If I could give my life in return for his I would do it. I know I can't make this up to you or the rest of the family in any way, but I want you to know that this broke my heart just as it broke yours."

Still sobbing in his chest, I listen to every word he says.

"Promise me he'll be the only brother I have to miss like this Tom. I can't miss you or the others, I need you to protect them, I-I.."

"Shh, it's okay.. this will never happen again."

A few minutes later, I fell asleep, crawled up on his chest. Despite my anger towards him, I can't lose him too and I need him.