momma's pride and joy

It's What Mama Wants

Knowing what I had to do for Johnny, reminded me of something Mama would have done. At that moment I realized I was becoming more and more like her everyday.

"Johnny," I asked. "Would you like to go talk to mom?"

He nodded.

I stood up.

"Come on."

Taking him by the hand, we headed out of house and down the dirt road that led to the spot where mom was buried, in the patch of oak trees, on the far end of our land.

When we got there, Johnny laid a bouquet of wildflowers at the base of Ma's headstone. He had picked the flowers on our way over.

He knelt down and I knelt beside him, placing a hand on his back for support.

We were silent for a few moments before he looked up at me, like he was unsure what to do.

"Go ahead, Johnny. Tell her what your want to say."

He looked at me and asked, "Will she really hear me?"

"Yeah, sure. Of course."

Looking back toward the headstone, he began to speak,"Mama, I love you and miss you real bad. I wish you could be here. Me an' Jimmy an' Jessie miss you Mama. We miss you real bad, Kerin and Timmy, too. We need you to come back. The annual Parent/Student Camp-Out in the Museum is in two weeks, and you aren't here to take us. We go every year. We always have. Even last year you took us. I knew you was weak and really should have stayed home, but you insisted that it was our yearly tradition and you took us anyway. This year, with no Mama, we can't go. I need you to come back so we can go one last time, please."

Hearing Johnny plead with Ma, and seeing him cry, made me tear up. I pulled him against my chest and wrapped my arms tight around him.

"That's why you left school and ran all the way home? Because you guys wanna go on the museum camping trip again?"

"Uh huh, cause Mama went with us every year and this year she can't. It isn't fair. I really want to go with her."

"Well that's not possible. I miss her too and I looked forward to that trip every year just as much as the rest of you."

I fell silent after that and we both continued to kneel in front of Mama's grave.

After a few minutes an idea had formed in my mind. It felt as though I could hear Ma talking to me, making the suggestion herself.

Once I knew what I should do, I spoke.

"Johnny?"

"Yeah, sis?"

"Wait? Did you just call me sis?"

"Yeah, Jimmy, an' Jessie an' me talked about it when we was walking to school today, an' we decided if this is who your gonna be now then we need to honor what Ma told us in our letters and treat you like you are and not like our brother any more. You aren't ever gonna go back to being our brother are you?"

"I have that option, but I suppose not."

"Good, cause we wouldn't want anyone else taking care of us."

"So you guys are completely okay with this arrangement?"

"Yeah, besides, it's what Mama wanted."

"I'm glad to hear you say that," I responded with tears beginning to trickle down my face. "I was just about to make a suggestion and ask if we could still go on the trip. I mean, I could take Ma's place. Would you guys be okay with that?"

Johnny looked over at me and a big grin pushed up on his cheeks.

"Okay, yeah. I mean, you are like our Mama now anyways. You take care of us and you are real pretty like her, too."

He leaned over and threw his arms around my neck. "Thank you, Kerin."

After a long embrace, I stood up and took hold of his hand. "Come on. Let's go home."

On the way back to the house I asked, "Johnny, since you're home early, you wanna help me prepare dinner?"

"Cooking dinner is women's work."

That was all he said. He went quiet after that and we continued to walk in silence.

After a minute or two he finally spoke.

"Kerin?"

"Yeah?"

"If I help you with dinner, do I have to wear a dress while doing it?"

I chuckled as I began to answer, "No, sweetheart, you don't have to wear a dress."

After that he didn't respond and we continued to walk, again in silence.

After another minute or two Johnny meekly questioned, "Whats it feel like?"

"What does what feel like?"

"Wearing pretty dresses."

"Well, I don't know how to describe it. It's different from pants, obviously, and the wind blows up your legs. It's not even like wearing shorts. It's different. I like it a lot, but it's hard to describe to someone who's never experienced it."

"C-could I, sometime."

"Johnny, are you saying you want to wear a dress?"

"I just want to try one on and see what it feels like, but don't tell the others. They can never know."

I looked over at Johnny and gave him a comforting smile. "Of course you can, and your secret's safe with me."