unattainable (tony stonem/chris miles)

Episode 9.2

A/N: I said the next chapter would be tomorrow but here it is a few hours early!

I walked circles around several blocks after I'd left Tony's house.
I took deep breaths to avoid the tears pooling in my eyes.

I'd believed Tony about his feelings for me, but he was already back with Michelle without a second thought. How could I fall for his tricks?
And on top of everything, I'd lost my best friend. And although I'd have liked to deny it, the speed that Chris had moved on from me at, did hurt.

As I paced, I noticed a familiar face sat on a nearby bench, gazing out over the water ahead.

I walked over and perched beside her. "Hi, Effy."
Effy stayed silent, which I expected.
I'd met Effy briefly several times and I'd never heard her talk. Tony had explained to me before that she never spoke.
"I know things got a bit out of control the other night. I hope you're feeling better."
I studied Effy and her new school uniform. "And they sent you to the posh school? Do they think that'll sort you out?" I chuckled. I watched Effy smirk, but say nothing.
I sighed. "Why don't you speak, Effy? Does nobody ask you why? It must mean something. Doesn't anybody care?"
I watched Effy's face tense at my questions, but she remained silent.
"I'm glad you're okay, Effy." I smiled, rubbing her shoulder. "You know where I am if you ever need anything."

***

I walked away from the conversation with Effy and back in the direction towards my house.
Chris and I weren't on good terms and Tony was clearly occupied, I had nothing to be moping around for.

But then I saw a recognisable figure with a black hoodie pulled up over his head smoking something with a distinct smell.
It was Chris.

My mind told me to walk past. We were arguing, we'd both been hurtful, we were on bad terms. I told myself that he wouldn't even want me to stop.
But as I peered over, I noticed that he looked in turmoil as he rapidly smoked the joint and I couldn't help but approach him to check that he was okay.

"Chris?"
"Oh, hey." He mumbled, still puffing on the joint and barely making eye contact with me.
"What's going on?"
"Uh, well... Angie's married. Or engaged. Whatever. It doesn't really make a difference, does it?"
"Shit," was all I managed to say.
He nodded. "Yeah. Shit. Anyway, what's wrong with you?"
I tilted my head in confusion. "There's nothing wrong with me."
Chris scoffed and then chuckled a little. "Come on, Cleo. You honestly think I can't tell when something is wrong with you?"
I sighed. "Tony won't ever commit to someone, will he?"
Chris furrowed his brows and shrugged. "Why?"
"I think he's gone back to Michelle... already."
"Shit." Chris muttered.
"Yeah. Shit." I agreed.
"Do you want to come and smoke an entire forty bag in an hour and then head to Anwar's party?" Chris offered.
I nodded. "You know me too well."

***

"Well, neither of us really dressed for the occasion, did we?" I pointed out.
I looked down at Chris and I. Chris was wearing grey jogging bottoms with a droopy black hoodie and I was wearing black leggings and an oversized grey hoodie.
"Nah. We still own it, though." Chris winked at me and I chuckled.
"We do. Now come on." I smiled, linking my arm with Chris and heading inside. "I'm glad we're okay."

Before Chris and I managed to reach the area with the alcohol, Tony abruptly intercepted us.
"I've been looking for you." He told me, bluntly.
"So?" I snapped.
Tony's face looked confused but he turned to Chris. "Chris, can you give us a moment?"
Chris looked at me for confirmation that that's what I wanted and I nodded.
"Fine." Chris turned and walked away.

"I've needed to talk to you." He told me.
"Why? Bored of Michelle... again?"
Tony frowned at me. "What are you on about, Cleo?"
"You! You were with her this morning!" I accused, raising my voice.
"Yeah, no -" Tony started, keeping his confused impression.
"You were with her, right? Are you going to deny it?"
"I mean, I was, but -" Tony began but I quickly interrupted, fed up of lies, excuses and manipulative behaviour.
"That's just absolutely typical, Tony. Isn't it?" My voice was still loud and I could feel the lump continuously growing in my throat.
"You're not even letting me talk!"
"What's the point? You only talk shit anyway!" Tony and I were both yelling at each other now. Tony scowled at me. "That's genuinely what you think, isn't it? You don't trust a single thing I say. Why the fuck are you considering starting something with me when there's no prospect of you ever even trusting me, huh?"
"I don't even know." I snapped, staring at my trainers.
"I don't either!" He yelled, and then sighed. "Effy's waiting in the car. I'll see you around, Cleo."
I watched as he stormed off, suppressing my tears.

I stood taking deep breaths. Chris quickly approached me as Tony went out of sight.
"Are you okay?"
I shook my head. "No. I shouldn't have expected any less anyway though, right?"
Chris noticed the tears in my eyes and grabbed my hand. "No crying tonight, Cleo. Come on. Let's dance."

***

Chris and I jumped around energetically with each other until we had sweat beads on our skin.
He grabbed my hands and twirled me around and we both laughed.

I could still feel the lump in my throat, but more than anything, I wanted to humour Chris. It wasn't his fault that I'd been betrayed by Tony, and he was going through his own crisis. And despite everything, he was still my best friend, and I knew that Chris needed me and our friendship to be normal.

Just as we bounced off each other, giggling and sweating, a man in a quirky shirt with an unattractive face tapped Chris on the shoulder. "Excuse me?"
Chris spun around so we were both facing him.
"Give it back, mate." The man demanded.
"Who is this and what have you done, Chris?" I whispered.
"It's fine, Cleo. Just go." He shot his caring smile at me. "You don't need to see this wanker get knocked down a peg."

***

I wandered around on my own for a while. I couldn't find anyone to talk to. I couldn't get Tony out of my head.
I felt the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes returning and I rushed to the bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror and allowed the tears to overflow.
"For fucks sake." I muttered as I wiped the tears off my cheeks. "Pull yourself together. He's always been a dick."

At that moment, the bathroom door opened and I startled.
I didn't want anyone to see me bawling in the bathroom, and when I saw that it was Michelle, I wasn't sure if I was relieved to see a comforting face or irritated that she'd managed to get Tony back again.

"Hey. What's wrong?" She rushed over to me and comfortingly stroked my shoulder.
I sighed. "Tony acts like he likes me all the time, and then he runs straight back to you." I wiped the tears off my cheeks again.
"Wait. What?" She looked at me, puzzled.
"I know he was with you this morning." I sighed again. "Let's face it, I was stupid for thinking he could actually want me and commit to me, right? Honestly, it sounds stupid to even say out loud."
"Cleo, Tony came to my house this morning to tell me that he has feelings for you and that it is completely over between him and I. Did he not tell you that?" Michelle was still puzzled, and her expression made more sense now.
I took in Michelle's words, but I felt in disbelief. And then I let out a groan. "God. I don't even think I gave him the chance to tell me that. I feel so fucking stupid."
I watched as Michelle smiled. "You like him, right?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Not that I ever expected to, but I do."
"Then ring him. He wants you. Get your man." She nudged me, grinning.
I instinctively hugged her. "Okay. Thank you, Michelle."
She hugged me back and then pulled away. "I'll leave you to it."

I rushed into one of the cubicles and locked the door behind me.
I dialled Tony's number and called.

He answered within the first ring. "Cleo! I'm so glad you rang. I need to talk to you." His voice was faint on the other end.
"Tony? You're really quiet. Your signal is bad."
I listened to the silence for a second. "Is that better?"
"Yeah, that's better."
"I need to tell you something. I'm a twat. I don't know why I'm like this. Maybe I can change. I can change. It's always been you and you only, Cleo. The truth is, I'm in love with you." Tony spoke softly.
I covered my mouth to soften my sobs. "Tony, I -" I started but I was cut off as there was a blaring noise and the phone line beeped out. "Tony!?"