unattainable (tony stonem/chris miles)

(2) Episode 7.2

I walked from the college to the familiar red door of the Stonem household and knocked harshly.

I had to knock a second time before Effy finally came to the door.
She didn't bother with any sort of politeness, or a smile. She simply stated, "Tony's not here."
"No, I know. I want to speak to you." I told her."
She looked at me like I was an utter inconvenience to her day but eventually ushered me in after her.

I followed her to the kitchen, unable to ignore the state of the Stonem household.
I'd been here several times before, and I'd never seen it look like this.
There was rubbish and dirty clothes and fag ends and booze bottles lining the floor.
The kitchen had dishes that were growing stuff and empty ready meal packets scattered around the sides.

I forced myself to ignore it and to not question it and to focus on why I'd turned up here, and I sat down opposite Effy at the table.
She looked at me as if to say 'what do you want?', with such a glare that she didn't need to confirm it with words.

"Tony said you've told him a lot of stuff about how love isn't worth it and how it always go to shit."
She looked at me with a wry smile and asked, "so?"
"So, why?" I quizzed her.
"Because it's true." She shrugged.
"Effy, I'm struggling to believe that you think that's true." I tried to appeal to the young girl's soft side, but her harsh expression didn't budge.
"Well, I do."
"Well, okay, but Tony doesn't. Tony told me he loved me, and I don't think he was lying. I don't want his head to be filled with stuff that could change his mind."
Effy smiled that wry smile again, before rolling her eyes. "If his little sister giving her personal opinion could change his mind, do you think he really loves you anyway?"

I was too taken aback to speak for a second, and before I had chance to respond to her comment, there was footsteps behind us.

I spun around to see Anthea and felt my stomach drop at the prospect of confrontation.
I hadn't seen Tony's mother since she'd kicked me out of the house after I'd yelled at her vulnerable son, and I was expecting for a rerun of being kicked out to happen again.

But it didn't.
Instead, she turned to me with a smile. "Oh, hey, Cleo. Do you want to see my best cock gag?"
"Uh, uh -" I tried to speak, but I had no idea how to even respond to that.
But it turns out I didn't have to. Anthea almost instantly started pretending she was sucking on a cock and making the loud, gagging noises to go along with it.
I raised my eyebrows as I watched, and quickly noticed that she was in a stained dressing gown and crinkled pyjamas that looked like they'd be on for several days. Her eyes were sunken and tired, and her hair was matted. She looked completely out of it.
And then I turned back to Effy, who looked equally concerned as she did embarrassed.
"Come on, mum." She stood up and walked over to her mum, linking her arm with her and leading her away from the kitchen. "Let's get you to bed."

I sat at the kitchen table alone for a moment, shocked at what I'd just witnessed.
I looked around at the house again and the dishevelled state it was in, and thought back to Anthea's unstableness.
'My mum is down, I guess.' Tony had said. This was clearly much more than that, and it made me sympathise more with his distant behaviour.

After a few moments, I trailed upstairs after Effy, and into their mother's bedroom.
Anthea was already passed out on the bed, dead to the world, and Effy was staring at her with a blank, but pained expression.
"This is what I mean." She told me, still not taking her eyes off her mum.
"What is?"
"Why bother? Caring about people." She frowned as she spoke, but in that moment, it was impossible not to see the vulnerability she was feeling.
I smiled. "You don't fool me, Effy Stonem."
I turned to leave, but Effy called my name, causing me to stop in my tracks in the doorway. "Tony does love you. I think he always has."
I smiled, feeling a sense of relief to hear that from the person he was closest to, in comparison to the last thing she'd said.
And then I left.

***

Once outside, I dialled Tony's number, feeling relieved that I had more insight on everything going on with him now.
"Hey, Tone." I smiled to myself when he answered.
"Hey. Where are you?"
"I've just left your house, actually." I told him, ready to apologise for accusing him of being distant now I knew what was happening with his mum, and ready to tell him that Effy shouldn't be putting any more doubts into his head, hopefully.
"You've what?" His tone caused me to feel worried. Had I done something wrong?
"Yeah, you said your mum was down, and I went to speak to Effy about what she'd been saying to you, and I saw everything. She's more than down, right? I just want you to know that I'm here for you, okay?" I assured him.
"What the fuck were you doing going to my house?" He snapped down the phone.
"What?" was all I could say. I didn't know what I'd done to set his anger off so badly.
"If I wanted to tell you about my mum, I would have." He hissed.
"But why didn't you want to tell me?"
"Because I didn't!" He yelled. "And going to talk to my sister about my conversations with her? Who do you think you are?"
I felt completely taken aback and stupid in that moment, and struggled to find the right thing to say. "I thought I was... I don't know, I -"
"Yeah, you don't know. I can't even speak to you right now." And the phone cut off.

I stopped still and sighed, unable to keep up with Tony's temperament.