DAMAGED // spencer reid

9

I had taken some time off work, a week to be exact. It wasn't a lot, but I realized that I had a lot to do. First off, I had to make my apartment kid-friendly. Luckily I had a small guest bedroom, which I was converting into Willow's new room. I was currently sitting on the floor in her room, painting the walls pink, her favorite color. I was wearing old overalls, luckily, because I was totally covered in paint, it was even in my hair. Willow was helping too, except her definition of painting was coating her hands in the paint and rubbing them on the wall. The doorbell suddenly rang, causing Willow to squeal and run to answer it.

"Willow! Clean your hands first!" I yelled after her, getting up to stop her from touching the door. But it was too late, her grubby little hands had already latched onto the doorknob as she pulled it open. Spencer was standing there, a takeout bag in his hands.

"Spencie!" Willow grinned, reaching for him.

"Oh, no you don't!" I managed to scoop her up before she could get pink paint all over him. Spencer laughed, seeing us both covered in pink.

"I see you guys have been painting! I bought takeout, alright if I put it in the kitchen?"

"Yes, thank you," I breathe, relieved. I carry Willow to the bathroom to wash as much paint as possible off the both of us. I finally let her out of my arms so that she could go find Spencer, while I tried to clean off the doorknob. After a successful cleaning, I walked into the kitchen to find Willow on Spencer's lap, happily munching away on a wonton as he wiped her face with a napkin. I take a second to smile at the view in front of me.

"You are a saint," I say to Spencer, plopping down across from the two and piling a plate full of pad thai.

"Are you ready to go back to work tomorrow?" He asks me, eyebrows slightly furrowing in concern.

"All set. Little Wills here is staying with Ms. Harmon across the hall until I can find a long-term nanny."

"I'm sure Hotch wouldn't mind giving you a few extra vacation days to settle in."

"I'm fine, Spence. I'm excited to go back to work, it'll keep me busy," I assure him with a small smile. He lets it go, but I can tell he's itching to convince me. Willow picks up her napkin and waves it in front of Spencer's face.

"Swan!" She exclaims. He bites back a smile as he takes her napkin and intricately folds it into a swan, a trick he showed her a few days ago that she has become obsessed with. Willow giggles with delight once he's finished, handing it back to her. I glance at the clock, it's already 7.

"Time to get ready for bed, Wills," I say to her, getting up from my chair. She scowls but allows Spencer to lift her off his lap. I take her into the bathroom, giving her a quick bath to make sure she doesn't have any more paint on her. I wrap her small body in a towel before helping her change into her new princess jammies that we bought yesterday. She runs out of the bathroom to say goodnight to Spencer before bed.

"Night night, Spencie!" She grins, waving at him. He looks up from a large book in his hands and smiles back at her.

"Goodnight, Willow!" He returns her wave. I take her hand and lead her into my room. She crawls into the bed that we have been sharing and burrows under the covers.

"Night, sweetie," I kiss her forehead, about to turn off the light.

"Ada?" She asks.

"Yes?"

"I like Spencie."

"I like him, too," I chuckle, sitting down at the edge of the bed.

"Is he my new daddy?" She wonders. I tense slightly, not ready for this conversation.

"No, Spencer isn't your new daddy. He's just a friend."

"Where's momma?"

"Um... she's in a better place," I stumble.

"Where?"

"She's in heaven, Willow. She misses you, but I think she's happy that we're together," I smile sadly, stroking her hair.

"I want momma," she frowns, not understanding.

"I know, I'm sorry. Just get some sleep, okay? You have a fun day with Ms. Harmon tomorrow." She murmurs but doesn't inquire further. I kiss her forehead again and turn off the lights before closing the door behind me. I didn't even realize I was crying until I reach up and feel the wetness on my cheeks. I quickly walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me, sliding to the ground. I silently sob, knowing that I'm way over my head and I have no idea how to raise a child. I cry because I'm angry at my mom for dying, but also because the last time I spoke to her we were fighting. Willow needs her mom, not her sister who knows nothing about children. A soft knock on the door quiets my sniffles.

"Addie?" Spencer's voice asks on the other side. Shit, I forgot he was here.

"One second," I call back, getting up and patting my face with a wad of toilet paper. I wipe my nose and comb out my hair with my fingers, but my face is swollen and red in the mirror. I take a deep breath before opening the bathroom door, revealing Spencer leaning against the opposite wall. He takes in my appearance and furrows his brows in concern.

"Addie—" he starts.

"Please, don't." I say, brushing past him. I don't need pity from anyone, especially him. I walk back into the kitchen and see that he has cleared the table and washed our utensils already.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that," I gesture to the clean kitchen.

"It's no problem," he responds quietly. We both stand there in silence for what seems like an eternity.

"I'd better get some rest before work tomorrow," I sigh, avoiding his eyes.

"Addie, please talk to me. I know you're struggling, I just want to help," he blurts out.

"You're a great friend, Spencer, truly, but I swear I'm fine!" I say over enthusiastically.

"Don't lie to me," he crosses his arms.

"I don't need anybody's help, okay?" I exclaim, throwing my arms up.

"Then why were you crying?" He narrows his eyes at me.

"I wasn't."

"Yes you were!"

"Jeez, Spencer! Stop trying to help me all the time! You act like you... like you need to fix me or something! Like I'm broken!" I whisper-yell. He steps back, jolted by my words.

"You know that's not true, Addie."

"I don't need your pity, I don't need anyone's pity. I'm perfectly fine on my own, I've been alone my whole life and now isn't any different."

"But you're choosing to be alone! There are plenty of people who love you and want to be there for you, including me, but you're too self-absorbed to even notice!" Spencer whisper-yells back at me. My whole body tenses and I hear my breath catch in my throat. Spencer must too, because his eyes soften slightly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"No, Spencer, you're right. I'm self-absorbed. I'm too busy with my own personal life to notice anyone else. I'm too busy being a fucking mother to my baby sister ever since my dad was murdered and my mom killed herself last week. I'm sorry that's an inconvenience for you. Now get the hell out," I march over to the door and yank it open.

"Fine. If this is what I get for always trying to help," Spencer spits back at me before gathering his bag and leaving. I close the door behind him, breathing heavily. I've never been so angry in my entire life. How dare he?! I feel like crying, but I'm too worked up for tears to fall. I lay down on the couch, trying to subdue the painful ache that is starting in my head.