DAMAGED // spencer reid

28

**2 YEARS LATER***

Spencer's POV:

I stand in the kitchen, pouring my second cup of coffee. I didn't sleep at all last night, but it's been pretty common for me these last few months. Cases have become more and more frequent and it's hard to find time to relax. And it's hard to relax, even in my free time. Everything seems stressful nowadays, JJ is pregnant again and has been reducing her work schedule while Rossi decided to retire four months ago. He still consults on some cases, but we're low on manpower and haven't been able to find any worthwhile or experienced replacements yet.

It's hard when you realize that everyone seems to be moving on with their lives except you. Hotch just moved in with Beth and is making an effort to be really involved in Jack's life, JJ and Will are having their second baby, Derek is recently engaged to Savannah and Penelope just adopted a cat and moved into a fancier apartment. As for me, nothing has changed. I'm just about to turn 30, I'm not in a relationship and I still live in my crowded apartment. And I'm really happy for the rest of my team, of course I am, but sometimes I find myself envying what they have. What I thought I would have by now... with her.

I don't really say her name anymore, I've found that it's best to push her memory to the back of my mind. After she left, I spent months convincing myself that I hated her. But it was foolish, because I could never truly hate her, no matter what she did. And it was hard to hate her for doing something that I probably would've done too, because I understood why she left. But that didn't make it any easier, and it certainly didn't help me to move on like I thought it would. The problem with loving someone so deeply like I loved her was that it made me wait for her, even though she was gone. I never even looked at another girl twice after that, knowing that my heart belonged to her rather than myself. And I tried to move on, about a year later, and even went on a few friendly dates with a barista at the coffee shop. Her name was Katie and she was a perfectly nice girl, very sweet and funny, but I felt like I was betraying her by seeing Katie. And I hated myself for it, because she was the one who left.

***FLASHBACK***

I walked into the BAU the morning after Addie broke the news that she and Willow were moving. I still felt numb to the whole thing, like it was simply a dream rather than reality. I knew I only had a week left with her, so I was praying that there were no cases in order to maximize our time together. If she even wanted to see me, that is. I grab coffee from the kitchen on my way in, grabbing Addie's favorite mug from the cupboard and filling it with coffee as well. I notice that she hasn't arrived yet, so I set it on her desk for when she does. I settle into my desk across from hers and immediately start on my stack of paperwork. I notice that Addie's usually high stack of paperwork isn't on her desk, which is weird because I usually finish mine and end up doing at least half of hers. But maybe she just brought it home to do instead. I get to work, filling out reports at a lightning fast pace. I glance at the clock. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. Addie is rarely late, and she always texts when she is. The rest of the team is here already, chatting in the kitchen or starting on their own paperwork. Finally, half an hour later, I decide to get up and go ask Hotch if he knows about Addie's whereabouts.

"Hotch?" I question, standing in the doorway of his office and lightly knocking on the doorframe.

"What is it, Reid?" He asks, not looking up from the files on his desk.

"Do you know where Addie—er—Dr. Grant is? She hasn't shown up for work yet."

"What do you mean?" Hotch finally looks up, sending me a quizzical look.

"I mean Dr. Grant isn't here yet. Is she going to be late?" I question once again.

"Reid, she's gone. She left for San Francisco this morning."

"This morning? No... she wasn't supposed to leave for another week," I reply, confused.

"And when did she tell you that?"

"Last night!"

"I think she may have tried to avoid the mess of saying goodbye, Reid. I think last night was her way of doing so. I'm sorry she didn't tell you, but she came in very early this morning to hand in her final resignation papers. She already left."

***PRESENT DAY***

I make my way over to my desk, briefly glancing at the empty one opposite of it. I know it's pathetic, but sometimes I swear I can imagine her sitting across from me again, cracking jokes and trying to get me to smile. It always worked. I sit down and start solving the daily crossword puzzle, which takes me 42 seconds longer than usual. I really need to start sleeping, maybe I'll look into some melatonin vitamins. Afterwards I begin to start on paperwork, the gruesome details and accounts of some of the files barely making me flinch anymore. Like I said, I've become numb, in more ways than one.

"Conference room, two minutes!" Hotch announces across the bullpen. So we have another case, splendid. I gather my satchel and coffee as I follow the rest of the team into the conference room and get seated. JJ is standing up front, ready to present, stroking her large belly. Garcia is the last to enter, rushing in with her sparkly heels clacking on the tile and her laptop in her hands, plopping down next to me.

"Okay, we have a series of murders in New York, four to be exact. Kyle Sherman, Denise Hill, Antoine Solari and Lucas Porter we're all killed within this last week, all in crowded subway stations located around Manhattan. All we have on surveillance is a black hooded figure, no facial recognition. He shot all of his victims as they were getting off the subway, a single bullet to the back of the head. The station was so crowded and noisy, nobody even registered the gunshot. NYPD has asked us to come in and help with a preliminary profile," JJ explains, showing us the CCTV footage and pictures of the victims on the screen behind her.

"JJ will be assisting us from Quantico, so I've asked Garcia to come along on this one. I know we've been struggling with our numbers recently, so I'm here to let you know that I have personally hired a new agent to join the team. She'll be accompanying us on this case as well as any others in the future," Hotch adds.

"Well... who is she??" Garcia exclaims. I'm curious as well, we haven't hired a new agent in forever and she must have been impressive if Hotch hired her personally.

"Hi, everyone," a voice says from behind me. I freeze, that voice bringing up all the memories I shoved away. I would recognize that voice anywhere. I slowly turn in my chair and meet her eyes.

Addie.

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sorry this chapter is kinda short but I wanted to tie you guys over! next chapter will definitely be longer
hope you like it!!! thank you for 6k reads 🥺💕