Summer 010

Chapter 33: You're all I have

I don't know how long we've been stuck here. Maybe six hours? Ten?

I lost count. All I know is that my body is dehydrated, and my stomach is past the point of hunger. My eyes hurt from the lack of sleep.

After my earlier confession to Sawyer, he disappeared. I know that he's still on the boat because I can hear his footsteps upstairs. I can also feel that the ship is not moving anymore. We're just stuck in the middle of the ocean with a psychopath.

As for Noah, he looks exhausted. The blood on his face is dry, and bruises are starting to form all over.

He got furious at me when he found out that I told Sawyer about Logan. It was supposed to be our secret forever.

"Are you still mad?" I ask.

He lets out a long exhale.

"You would have done the same thing if our roles had been reversed," I add.

His eyes meet mine, and I can't help but think about how much we've been through together.

In a split second, the sudden realization that we might die any second now hits me. Some life collage flashes through my mind: building sandcastles, sleeping under the blanket fort, running on the shoreline, listening to indie rock music.

I remember our phone calls over the weekend when he was in New York, and I was in California. I remember waiting all year long for him to come during august.

Is it all over? Is this how it will end?

No, I can't die without him knowing what I feel for him.

"Noah?" A lump forms in my chest.

He hums, raising his head for a split second before dropping it again. He looks so fucking looks drained that it tears my insides apart.

I take a deep breath, gathering all the courage I manage to grasp. "I need to tell you something."

He opens his eyes again, only to blink at me.

"If something happens to us, I-" The words get caught in my throat. I'm terrified, goddamn it!

But then, I think of how much I regret never saying anything to him in the first place. Maybe if I had told him before he dated Celeste, this nightmare would have never happened in the first place.

He's looking at me with so much intensity as if he can see through me.

I look away, unable to meet his gaze anymore. "I want you to know that I'm in love with you." I barely recognize my own voice as my words clumsily stumble inside the room.

"I think I've loved you since the moment I met you ten years ago."

I gulp, throwing a glance at him only to find him looking at me dumbfounded. Shock is written all over his face, and his silence only nurtures my anxiety.

"You don't have to say it back. I'm only telling you this because I don't want to die without you knowing..."

But as the silence grows between us, so does my humiliation. I wait, and wait, and wait, but he doesn't say anything.

Fucking hell, I already lost my dignity. Actually, I have nothing left to lose. I might as well say everything else.

"I remember how I would rush home after school so that we can talk on the phone," I smile at the memory of ten-years-old Amelia scrabbling through her math homework to call them.

We were so innocent, so carefree. I could call Logan and Noah any time without worrying about being clingy, and we would talk for hours.

But then we grew up. Although Logan and I remained inseparable, thirteen-year-old me didn't know how to handle her emotions. She didn't know why her heart would race faster when Noah smiled or that her stomach's knots are butterflies.