Sanditon: A Sisterhood Forms

22

Charlotte was seated in the drawing room the following morning, book in hand as she stared at the fire in the grate, her legs twitching nervously yet again in anticipation of the arrival of Sidney Parker. Despite the amorous nature of their parting the prior evening, Charlotte had awoken that morning with a sense of unease weighing upon her, and it had proven to be unyielding. She had departed soon after breakfast for a brisk walk through Hyde Park, had hoped that it might lend some relief, and yet her anxieties had only increased in intensity as the clock ticked on.

When Bradford approached the doorway and announced, "Mr Parker, Miss," she stood almost reluctantly, watching Sidney enter the room, his impervious demeanour apparent as he walked over to greet her, a case in hand.

"Miss Heywood," he said in a low tone, a slight smile playing upon his lips, and yet not quite leading to his eyes.

"Mr Parker," she responded. "Please, join me."

He set his case upon a side table, Bradford having dismissed them entirely, and as he moved closer, she scrutinised his posture, the tension in his shoulders evident to her upon closer inspection. "Something has happened...hasn't it," she murmured.

He looked disconcerted as he sat in the chair adjacent to hers. "And what makes you say such a thing?"

"I may not have known you for very long, Mr Parker, but it does not mean that I don't know you well, especially when you are angry with me."

"I am by no means angry at you, Miss Heywood," his eyes softened, and he lowered his gaze toward his lap in thought, "but...there is something that has occurred...some news, which has been with me since yesterday evening."

"Oh?" she swallowed, the sense of unease growing within her, evolving into something resembling dread.

He continued to look at his hands, picking at his fingers - a habit that she could not recall. "It seems," he said as if testing the waters, "that a certain Mrs C has decided to return from Paris earlier than planned."

"How soon?" Charlotte asked, her heart thumping in her chest.

"I fear that she may be back within the week," he said, his head nearly falling into his hand as he massaged his temple. It was then that she noticed he hadn't slept, and before she was aware - before she reconsidered the fact that they were in broad daylight with servants walking the corridors and appearing at every turn, she leaned forward in her chair and reached her hand to cover his on the armrest. He met her eyes quickly, and at last, she saw the sorrow in them.

"Charlotte," he breathed, "...what if I lose you all over again?" His anxiety was palpable, and she found that she hesitated, considering fully what it might do to both of them were they to fail.

"Then...we both take comfort in the fact that we had some time together, even if it wasn't a lifetime," she said, raising his chin with her fingertips until he met her eyes once more. "I shall consider myself lucky to have had even a day with you, and that alone will bring me strength."

He nodded, his eyes beginning to well over, and she garnered the resolve from within to remain steady, "I hope you know-" he cut off suddenly, breathing in, "that you have been the greatest joy of my life."

"Even through our quarrels?" she asked, smiling, and he emitted a noise intended as laughter, yet he was not successful in disguising the misery from it.

"Especially our quarrels," he responded, shaking his head as if in disbelief, "I have never been more attracted to and angry at someone in the same breath."

"Nor I, Mr Parker...and I could not say with any conviction that I did not enjoy them, too."

He smiled, wiping at his eyes, "I knew from the very moment we parted that I had to find a way out - that I would never forgive myself if I hadn't tried."

She nodded, remembering their parting on the clifftop, the surge of hope she felt as he stopped the carriage, and the disappointment that soon followed. She had felt as if she would not survive it.

"And have you been searching ever since?" she asked, genuinely curious about his answer.

He hesitated for a moment, pondering something that she couldn't quite make out. "I admit to searching every day that I have been of sound mind...and yet, I found that I had been looking in the wrong place. I knew it instantly upon seeing you again. In a mere moment, you reminded me of exactly why I must find a way, as if by just catching sight of you, I was able to focus a mind that had become scattered and desperate."

Charlotte looked away to the fire for a moment, deliberating, "And yet, I find that there must be more to this," she ruminated, turning back to him, "tell me what she has done to you."

"What is your meaning?"

"She has changed you, altered you from the man I knew, and yet, I can't quite place what it might be."

He stood, walking toward the fireplace, needing to move. "Of that, I have no wish to discuss, Miss Heywood. It is better left alone, at least for now."

"Why will you not at least share what is on your mind? Something is bothering you, Sidney. I can see it, clear as day, and yet you will not tell me."

He rested an arm upon the mantle. His breathing had increased and he gave her such a look of internal anguish that she found she could not move, and instead sat frozen in place, anticipating that he was, indeed, about to share some news that was far greater than anything she might have imagined. And then he shook his head, a few quick motions as if to ward off whatever it was. He looked at the fire in the grate. "No, Charlotte." He spoke softly as if he were relenting to a greater, more powerful voice within his own mind, "I have no wish to burden you with matters of the past when the present is pressing as it is. Not now, at least."

Charlotte looked at him, confusion and frustration written across her face. "But Sidney-"

"Ah, Mr Parker!" Susan's cheerful voice rang across the drawing room, and they both reacted as if she had shouted the words. She paused for a moment in her path to them, adjusting to the mood of the room, and lowered her volume ever-so-slightly in response. "Thank you so much for coming. I believe that my solicitor is on his way as we speak. Bradford will notify us when he arrives, but in the meantime, why don't I order us some tea, perhaps?"

They looked at her in a daze, the weight of the world upon their shoulders and no means of relief within sight.