DEAD POET'S REVIEW 2.0

10. Kirti Kriti aur Kartik ki | DEE

Title: Kirti Kriti aur Kartik ki
Author: Rasnak
Reviewer: scrubstains
Chapters read: 5
Score:  6.5/10

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Bear in mind that I am making this review as someone who hasn’t seen the serial. I have tried to read on the inspiration of this story, as listed in your introductory post. Still, I may miss out on several references.

The cover is apparently personalized, which is something I appreciate. I am sentimental for that stuff. Also, you have included elements that are symbolic in the story.

The blurb somehow reminds me of “Bollywood”. Think: music, grandeur, and an explosion of colors. Something about Indian epics remind me of sensory overload. I look forward to that in the story.

I had to search the title, which Google translates as “Kirti Kriti and Karthik’s”. I hope they got it right. Just a friendly reminder. It may be better to include translations when using a different language. This is not to discriminate, but as a way to cater to potential readers from different nationalities.

PLOT AND NARRATION

The plot quickly shifts from present day to the time of the epic. While I understand how the story should be driven forward, I am sceptical about the approach. It would have made a greater impact if the present-day scene was solidified, especially since it is the start of the story. Take the readers to that place. What do your characters see, feel, hear, or smell? Appeal to our senses. Bring us there. Stories with cultural ties are a wellspring of inspiration for such things.

That observation also applies when the story transits to the time of the epic itself. I find myself with several questions. How different is this setting with the present time? Since the story has historical elements, I am interested on how this pans out. What makes Kritik and Karthik stick out like a sore thumb? The difference in dialects is one thing, but I am looking for something that will allude to their original timeline.

Another thing I want to note is character introductions. As a reader, this is a pivotal point for me. Remember the saying, “First impressions last?” Meeting new characters is like meeting a new acquaintance. We have an initial judgment about the way they are—how they appear, how they interact, how they speak. The same thing goes in stories. If a character will play an important role, I suggest highlighting his presence when introduced. In the story, I was hoping Mahadev will appear godlike in his presence. Mythical creatures tend to have that vibe. The same thing goes with the characters of the epic. Even if I have an inkling of who they are by researching the epic, I find myself bombarded by the characters coming all at once. Which makes this character different from the other? I think their personal traits are something to work on.

I am curious about Kritik and Karthik’s selection to be transported in the epic. I feel like creative liberties were loosely taken. One moment, the two were at the festival. The next, they were feeling a sense of impending doom. It would have added more mystique if that situation was well played. Because of the lack of an overarching theme, the narrative felt flat. As a reader, I keep on asking myself, “What makes the two children worthy of being selected?” I cannot just simply believe Mahadev when he said, “It is all about choosing the right people and you two fit the role perfectly.” Mahadev may know, but the readers don’t.

I also find Kritik and Karthik’s reactions a tad bit unrealistic. Case in point will be their first contact with Mahadev. From what I understand, Mahadev is a Hindu god. I find no fear nor intimidation from the characters when they first saw him, despite Mahadev popping out of nowhere. Their interaction feels rushed and informal. I also find how his character spooked everything for the kids by telling them what will happen.

There also seems to be a disconnection between the children and the grandmother when they were offered to be taken to the epic, which is disjoint from the scene she has with them. If you were to be taken far away without the knowledge of your loved ones (substitutes notwithstanding), wouldn’t it be something that will bother you? Yes, there may be a sense of excitement, but realistically, it doesn’t go that way.

The same critique applies for Mahadev’s interactions with the characters of the epic. Going through the next parts of the story, I begin to wonder is Mahadev is some sort of fixer-upper for the plot to be driven forward. An omniscient being who gives answers to questions. I believe the role has more potential.

As for the interactions with the characters of the epic, I am looking for hesitancy on both parties. They are practically strangers tossed together for the next great adventure. Is this written this way to emphasize the youth of the main characters?

Some readers may prefer the pacing, but then it sacrifices the world building of the story and the connection of the characters. It also reflects in the narrative because instead of bringing us to the time of the epic, it became more “telling” than “showing”. It is like watching a movie at an increased speed, missing out on the finer points of the story.

Several of my previous questions have been answered in the story, but I keep on looking for more. Like I said, the “telling” did it for me. I wanted to know these characters by how Kritik and Karthik perceived them to be, not simply because they are labeled in the narration of the story.

One thing I appreciate though is how Kritik asserted her perspective on women by showing Pandu that she is capable of training the way the boys do. That’s a nice touch of empowerment in there. Another is how Karthik cooked for the family (even if he failed to gauge the spiciness of his cuisine). I like how their characters broke gender assignments. The gesture is appreciated.

TECHNICALITIES
The addition of Tamil phrases made the story more organic. Like I said in my first impression, I have a soft spot for those things. However, several terms were introduced but not translated. A glossary could have been helpful to guide the readers unfamiliar to the language used.

Several punctuations are missing. Several words are also misspelled. I am not a fan of using ellipses in conversations when not appropriate. Please review on their use. Do not miss out on editing your chapters, even if you don’t catch all the edits required (It is a plus point, though.)

Run-on sentences are also prevalent in the story. It is alright to cut your sentences, especially your independent clauses. This way, the length of the sentences will be adequate. These improve the readability of your chapters.

Additionally, I would advise separating dialogues in a paragraph when they are not from the same speaker to avoid confusion.

FINAL WORDS

Firstly, I want to thank you for introducing me to this fandom. I find it complex yet interesting. It reminds me of plays we had to watch during my high school years.

For the story, I am looking for more meat, with emphasis on world building. Pacing is something that must also be worked on. Several interactions seem unrealistic. Characters should be given a spotlight, especially if they will play an important role in the story. Again, in terms of the actual plot, I am making these observations without full knowledge of the epic. I may be missing references.

In terms of technicalities, several edits must be done. Restructuring of the narratives and dialogues is something to look into. Readability will be improved by minimising run-on sentences.

Thank you for letting me read your book! Best of luck to you.