Cinders

~15~ Do Better

Dad takes me out to the hall, and we walk for a minute to get out of earshot of mom.

He silently turns around and looks at me, crossing his arms, saying nothing.

"I'm sorry, it slipped out," I say, knowing EXACTLY why he's mad.

Dad just shakes his head, visibly angry. "I've asked you repeatedly to quit talking about her—Now I have to talk my way out of this, when there isn't even anything to talk about."

"I'm sorry." I've officially decided that having dad mad at me sucks.

"I can find my own dates. I do it pretty well," he continues, his voice getting even quieter.

"Yeah? Well you do a horrible job at it."

"Come again?"

"Come on dad—All the girls you bring home are dingbats. You only bring them home to sleep with them. When have you ever dated someone you've actually liked?" I really wanna see what he's like when he's mad at me. Maybe I'll finally find out tonight.

"I know that we have a pretty easy going relationship, Liam. I've never gotten you into trouble. I've never even raised my voice to you—But let's get something straight, right now. I'm the dad, you're the kid. I deserve some respect out of you." His voice barely above a whisper at this point.

"Start bringing home some decent women, and then maybe I will," I say, raising my voice and going back to mom's apartment. I storm in and go to my room, slamming my door.

"What's wrong?" I hear mom ask dad when he comes back in the door.

"He has an attitude," dad says simply.

"Look, El. Liam has it in his head that I need to ask out Megan. That's something I will never do. Out of respect for you, I will never cross that line. I promise you; He's mad at me about it."

"Ok," she says simply.

Dad chuckles. "That's it? That's all you have to say?"

Mom sighs. "Please don't date Megan."

"I won't"

"Ok," mom says again, ending the conversation.

Dad opens my door, motioning for me to follow him to the kitchen.

I follow him silently and wait for him to speak again—It takes him a minute.

"I didn't appreciate that," he finally says quietly. Then he looks at both mom and me "I'm not feeling like going to the game anymore. I think I'll give the tickets to Wallace. I'll see you next week, Liam."

Dad turns around and leaves....Without saying goodbye...without giving me a hug...without telling me he loves me. He just leaves.

Mom and I just look at each other silently for a moment. She's just as shocked as I am. "I'm going to bed," I say finally.

I get to bed and the tears start falling. Dad never even raised his voice, but this felt bad. I screwed up really bad this time with him.

~*~

The rest of the week goes by slowly; I haven't heard from dad. He hasn't stopped by or called me on mom's phone. Mom gives me my phone back on Saturday, and gave me the lecture on how this phone is a privilege, and it can be taken away again easily.

It's Sunday, and mom has her first shift again tomorrow, so I'm finally headed to dad's. I've been waiting for this day for weeks, and now that it's here, I'm actually a little nervous. We pull up to dad's place and mom and I walk in. Dad smiles at us, and gives me a side hug, but it's obvious that he still isn't happy.

When mom leaves, I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. It's so nice to watch TV again—Oh how I've missed your beautiful face!

"Did you have a good week?" Dad asks as he sits down next to me.

"Yup," I say simply, not taking my eyes off the TV.

"Did you get your history project done?"

"Uh huh"

"Mom said you broke up with Aria. You doing ok?" He asks, getting annoyed by my one-word answers.

"Oh yeah. I've learned how to break up with girls from the best," I say, finally looking at him.

Dad's nostrils flare out and his fists clench. He silently gets up and goes into his room, slamming the door.

I sigh and close my eyes for a minute. That was a mean thing to say.

Dad doesn't come out for about an hour. When he finally does, he sits back down and asks quietly: "Does Chinese food sound ok?"

"Sure"

Dinner gets here and we eat in silence. We clean up in silence. I finish my homework in silence. I'm wishing that I was back at mom's right now. I finally just get up and go to bed. It's 9:30, but I can't handle the silence anymore.

The next morning, dad still isn't happy. "Morning," he says simply.

I don't say anything. What's the point?

He takes me to school, and doesn't say a word the entire way there. "Have a good day," he says as I get out. I just ignore him.

The days goes by uneventfully, and before I know it, dad is picking me back up again.

"Did you have a good day?" He asks

"It was swell," I say with an attitude.

Dad sighs, but doesn't say anything else.

When we get home, I start to go to my room. "Can we talk?" Dad asks before I can shut my door.

I nod and go over to the couch, sitting next to him.

"We've got to fix this bud," dad says quietly—He sounds sad.

"I'm sorry I told mom," I say, with more attitude than I meant to have.

"This is so far past you telling mom, Liam. The things you said to me. Do you have any idea how badly you hurt me?"

I just look at him, saying nothing.

"Is that really how you see me? Some player that just uses women for sex?"

His voice sounds devastated

"Yeah," I say simply. Honestly.

"Well, I'm sorry I've given you that impression. I'll do better."

I just nod.

"You've got to do better too, buddy. You can't talk to me like that. You killed me. I thought we had a better relationship than that."

He actually sounds like he's fighting back tears.

"I'm sorry, dad," I say, leaning over and giving him a hug. He hugs me back, tightly. "Let's both do better, yeah?"

"Yeah," I agree

The rest of the night gets better. We're both trying to heal what was damaged.

~*~

The next day at school, a few of the guys on the team stop me in the hall. "Dude, you still have your fake ID?" Nick asks

"Yeah, why?"

"You're with your dad tonight, right?" He asks, smiling a little.

I smile back. "What's the plan?"

"The bar at the edge of town. The guy doesn't care if the ID is fake, just as long as we have one. You in?"

"Of course, my dude. Sounds fun!"

See, you're probably thinking that I'm an idiot, right? I finally get ungrounded, and I'm going to go back to doing the same thing....You'd be right. I am an idiot. But hey, I'm only 15. I've got a lot of years to be responsible.

Tonight's gunna be sweet.