Cinders

~19~ Push

Dad works silently at his desk for an hour, and I just sit there, literally staring at the wall. I'm bored. I'm cranky—I feel like testing dad to see how far I can push him before he blows.

Stupid, ya say? Nah...I call it enjoying life a little.

"Can I PLEASE turn Netflix on the computer now? It's been an hour and I'm bored," I whine.

Dad looks up at me, surprised I'm asking him about Netflix again. "No"

"Then would you hurry up? I wanna go home."

I'm secretly excited to see if I can get him to blow up.

"I'm working, Liam. You're just gonna have to deal with it."

I sigh loudly. "Then can I go and get something out of the vending machine, please?"

"No. You can sit there until I'm done."

"Why are you acting like this? I didn't realize you were so scared of mom."

Dad puts his papers down and glares at me. "Would you be talking to mom like this right now?"

"No"

"Then why are you acting like this with me?"

I want to tell him it's because I know he won't do anything about it, but even I'm not that stupid. "I just wanna go home."

Dad sighs and puts his paperwork down. "Ok, I can do the rest tomorrow," he says as he gets up and gets his stuff together.

"Let's go, Liam," dad says with an attitude. Whoops, maybe I really am gonna see dad blow.

"What? Back to mom?" I ask with a condescending laugh.

Remember how I said that I wished I learned how to use the filter in my brain before words reached my mouth? Well, I really wish that part of me would hurry up and mature.

Dad spins around and bends down so he's in my face. "Don't," he spits out. "I'm not stupid. I know exactly what you're trying to do. Don't test me, Liam. For both of our sakes, don't test me."

He grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder. "I said let's go."

His voice is quiet but the meaning is loud. He's mad, and he's about to go off. I follow him out of the office. He doesn't say a word to Julie as he leaves, and doesn't say a word to me the whole way home.

Once we get home he goes to his room to change. He comes out a few minutes later, and he's still mad.

"Let's talk," he says as he points to the couch.

I go over to the couch and we both sit down. I'm suddenly regretting this brilliant idea of mine.

"Mom's right. Mom is ALWAYS right. I've got to step up. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, or what it's gonna look like, but it's going to happen, Liam. I don't think that I'm ever going to be able to spank you, but that doesn't mean you can keep up the disrespect you've had. It ends today. Am I clear?"

"And if I don't?" I ask.... why am I doing this to myself?

Dad's face gets red as he tries not to yell at me. He puts his head back on the couch and puts his hands over his face. He stays like that for a minute before he grabs me by the arm and pulls me over his lap, face down. He puts his arm around my waist, pulling me into him. I try to move, but I can't. His grip is strong.

I've never had to see how strong my dad truly is, but I can't budge—not even a little. Is my dad seriously going to spank me right now? If so, I'm screwed. I can't move. He takes his other hand and puts it on my thigh. He never once smacks me, but it's there, resting on my thigh, showing me that he could.

"Dad, let me go!" I say, trying to kick my legs to get loose. Without missing a beat, dad takes one of his legs and pins my legs down, leaving me completely immobile.

"Is this what you're wanting from me, Liam? Are you seriously wanting me to spank you? I know how to do it, buddy. I can do it. Keep testing me. I don't know how many different ways I can say it. Is this the only thing that gains your respect? Because if so, that really sucks."

He keeps me there another minute. He doesn't once spank me, but he's showing me that he could, and easily.

He finally lets me go and pulls me back onto the couch. "I never, EVER want us to be in this position again. Am I clear? If I find out you're around anyone else who's doing drugs, and you do not leave, we will be. I'm not playing. You don't see what drugs do to people. I get to. Every. Single. Day. I believed you when you said that you didn't smoke the other night—But next time it isn't going to matter. If someone is doing drugs and you do not leave, we'll be in this same position again. My dad used to beat me with the closest thing around. If I have to spank you, I will only use my hand, but I promise you that I'll make it hurt. Please don't make me show you."

I simply nod. I've changed my mind. I don't wanna keep pushing him anymore.

"I'm going to enforce the grounding that mom has set. Are you gonna tell me what it is honestly, or do I need to call mom?"

I sigh. "Two weeks—no phone, no tv, no nothin'."

"Jeesh," dad says as he leans back on the couch.

"Well, just because you're grounded doesn't mean I need to be. You can spend the rest of the day in your room. I'll let you know when dinner is here," he says, dismissing me the way he did Julie today. I get up with a sigh and start to go to my room.

"Liam?"

I just turn around and look at him.

"Did Taylor spank you?" He asks. He doesn't look mad—Almost jealous at the thought of Taylor being able to do it, but he can't.

I shake my head. "No. He gave mom his belt. I gave her attitude though, and he got mad. He's scary," I say, smiling a little. It was supposed to be kinda funny, but dad didn't think so.

"Why does he already have your respect, then? He's never spanked you. It's obvious you like him, and obvious you respect him. Why do you respect him, but not me?"

Man, dad sounds sad.

"I do respect you."

Dad chuckles "No you don't. As long as I'm giving you what you want, you're fine. Today, when I didn't let you watch Netflix, I honestly think that's the only time I've told you no before. You got nasty—Your mom's done it all. I'm basically a glorified big brother," he says, going to the fridge to grab a beer.

"Just go to your room," he says, not looking at me again.

I go to my room, lay on my bed, and cry. Mom's mad at me, Dad's mad at me, even Taylor's mad at me. I've got no one on my side anymore. The one guy who I could trust to always be on my side, literally put me over his lap a minute ago.

I'm all alone.