Cinders

~36~ Better

The ride home is a silent one. I'm not mad at Taylor, he didn't do anything wrong—I don't even think he's mad at me.

I think seeing dad like that shook him a little...I know it shook me. I don't know where to go from here, as far as dad is concerned. He truly wanted to hurt me. If Taylor hadn't stayed, I wonder what would have happened. I have to force myself to think of something else, because the thoughts coming into my head are making me sick.

For the briefest moment, I thought I could get abused—From the one guy in my world I've always been able to count on...That is until I met Taylor.

Sitting is horrible right now. I will NEVER underestimate the power of a hand spanking again—Especially when dad is delivering it. I've always thought he was a wimp. I couldn't have been more wrong.

We get home and Taylor looks at me hard.

"You ok, buddy?" He asks in a concerned tone. He isn't mad at me at all.

I just shake my head, a tear slipping out of my eye.

Taylor comes over to me silently and pulls me in for a hug. I fall into his comforting arms, and let him take the world off of my shoulders, if even for a moment.

"I wish mom was here," I cry, surprising myself. She'd know what to say and do to make this better—To get dad to snap out of it.

"Me too," Taylor says sadly.

"What if he still hasn't calmed down by tomorrow?" I ask once I pull out of his embrace and wipe my eyes.

"He will—He was pretty in control before we left."

"But if he's not?" I ask again.

"Then you'll stay here, Liam. You'll just go to shift with me."

I just nod and hug him again. For knowing him such a short amount of time, I sure do love him. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about me.

Taylor breaks out of the hug and looks at me hard. "You need to go to bed now, bud. I'm not gonna dish out any punishments without your mom here, but I'm sure she'd have you go to bed."

"K." I'm ready for bed anyways.

The next morning I get ready, fully expecting to head to shift with Taylor. Since today's Saturday, I don't have school.

Taylor is finishing up getting ready and packing his duffle bag, when there's a knock at the door. I just freeze and look at Taylor. He gives me a reassuring smile as he opens the door.

He looks at dad carefully "You good?"

"I'm better," he says quietly. I still can't see him, I can just hear the tone in his voice. He's still not ok.

"I know you're his dad, and I'm stepping out of line, but I don't know if I'm comfortable with 'better' Alex."

"I'm not comfortable with better either. I can't take him," dad says with devastation in his voice.

"It's all good—He can come to shift with me," Taylor says, with relief in his voice.

I'm relieved too, and I'm ashamed that I am.

"I'm sorry—Usually I'm out of it by now. I don't know what the problem is."

"Ellie?" Taylor asks quietly.

"Probably. She's gotten me through every single one of them. I guess I never realized how much I rely on her. If it wasn't for her friendship growing up, I'd be dead right now—I'm not gonna call her and bug her, though. I'll get myself out of it."

I suddenly want to give dad a hug. I'm not mad at him. I did this. I put him here.

Before I can talk myself out of what I'm about to do, I go up to Taylor and go through the door, giving my dad a huge hug.

"I'm so sorry, dad—I deserved that last night. It won't happen again. Please forgive me," I beg, tears falling down my face.

I look up at him, and he has a broken expression. He hugs me back tightly, and kisses my head.

He just silently holds me, and I can hear his chest racking with sobs. "I'm sorry I lost it on you last night," he cries, trying to calm himself down.

"You didn't lose it—You stopped the second Taylor told you to. You sent me with him when you knew it wasn't safe. You're stronger than you think, dad."

Dad smiles a watery smile and kisses me again. "I sure do love you, bud"

"I love you too."

"I'm still sending you with Taylor—I've got an appointment with my therapist in a bit. If I'm feeling good this afternoon, I'll pick you up then. If not, I'll come by after shift is over tomorrow."

"Ok"

He lightly punches my shoulder, nods at Taylor, and leaves. As I'm watching him walk away, I suddenly realize something...

I've been wrong about my dad. All of my life I thought he was a wimp. A pushover. Someone I could manipulate whenever I wanted. In reality, he's the strongest person I've ever met. He fights demons every single day, and he never quits fighting. He admits when he isn't ok, and he gets help when he needs it.

I hope I'm half the man that he is someday.