Malang

15. Mad.

this had to had so much, almost like the last chapter of arsalan sithara but well, i couldn't make myself write. it's so frustrating i swear, i had been trying to write this down for like more than a week but ughhhhh fucking hate it...

it kinda sad cause i feel it's the end of arsalan and sithara within me *so hurt crying*

i hope i update the next chapter asap plus sithara has never been more mad than this before...like ever

15. Mad.

It was crazy how every time life hurt me big I thought it was the worst that had to happen to me; I thought the pain life had brought to me time and again was enough to make me numb to all the subsequent ache flowing my way but I was proved wrong every damn time because I still shatter in pain.

The thought of all calls that Aadya never returned, the thought of all the messages she chose to leave at seen, the thought of her refusal to talk to me despite knowing that I could hear her say no because Daniya's phone was on speaker left me broke.

I couldn't believe she lost trust in me, I couldn't believe that she required so much of efforts on her side to make herself call me Amma once again, I couldn't believe that all this while my love for her hadn't been enough to make her stay mine inspite of all hell breaking loose between us, I couldn't believe we had come to the point where she couldn't bear me in front of her eyes even when we had started so purely-by her choosing me as Amma first, much before I had chosen her as my baby.

I felt so empty from within, my entire being crippled at the fact that I was living my fear, my nightmare. I felt constantly clutched and entangled in regret, in guilt and an everlasting burden of ruining her world.

I couldn't fathom I failed as Aadya's mother. The mere thought initiated revolts in my heart. It was so painful that I couldn't even smile to cheer up Arryn and Athiya's confused and upset faces.

I straightened and rubbed the back of my palm on my cheek to clear off the lone tear on it. Kabir's hand crawled onto my stomach once again, holding me as he realized that the waves of misery had hit me again.

"You being too demanding Sithara." He hissed and I looked up at him, my eyes filling with tears once again and my lips wobbling on their own. "She is a baby, it is too much for her to understand. It is not about the love between you two, it is about her coming in terms with the reality. You being unfair, not just to yourself but to her as well by rating the love you two share. It is too soon and very inappropriate. "

I had no clue if Kabir made any sense because all I knew was that Aadya did not know how to live without me a few hours let alone a whole day and here she was away from me for more than a week and that too in so much of pain.

It was not just about my needs, about the peace of my heart but it was so much about her, about the love and care she needed at this point of time and how I couldn't shower it over her.

I hadn't even seen her since that day, all the little I knew about her so far was from Daniya. I would have died in helplessness had she been not there to tell me about Aadya, to take care of her in my absence.

"Kabir I don't know if I will be able to live with her hating on me from inside, she is my life Kabir..I dont know..if I should have loved her more? At least have told her that how precious she was to me?" I felt so full of agony and disappointment.

"Amma." Athiya walked over towards us in the balcony with an envelope. I quickly wiped off my face. My children did not deserve the trauma. "Umar uncle came. He said Abba sent this." I took it from her as she sat in front of us with a tender smile.