BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 2 (Edited & Translated)

Yoongi: 12 May Year 22

I Will Not Give Up
Part 12

When I got to my workroom and opened the door, I was surprised to see Jungkook.

He quickly stood up. "Yoongi Hyung, are you okay?" he asked as he took a few hesitant steps back.

I put my bag down on the floor and looked around. This was my first time back after being discharged from the hospital. Everything was just as I'd left it.

This was also the first time I'd seen Jungkook since that day at the motel. He saved my life. I should thank him. And apologize.

Instead of saying anything, I went to the fridge and took out a soju and handed it to him. He gave me a confused look.

"You shouldn't be drinking, right?" He asked me, pointing to the dressing on my arm.

"Drinking won't kill me. I wish it could," I said.

Jungkook's gaze flittered between the soju bottle in my hand and me.

After a while he said, "you're right. It would be better if it could kill people." He started to down the bottle.

That was unexpected.

Do you want to die too, Jungkook? I thought to myself. Everyone has their reason for wanting to die. And for wanting to live.

But why did he want to die? And what did he live for?

When I first met Jungkook in middle school he was lonely. Instead of making friends with the kids his age, he became friends with the rest of us older students.

I wanted to ask him how these suicidal thoughts came about, but thought it best to not pry into his life.

I started to drink the soju, but Jungkook took it away before I could finish. After a while we'd been through a few bottles.

"Why do you live like this?" I asked him.

"Live like what? What's wrong with the way I'm living?" Jungkook asked back, his words slurred.

He slouched in his chair. His face was slack from the alcohol.

"Nevermind, Jungkook. Drink."

Jungkook took another sip from the bottle and laughed.

"You know I'm still underage, right?" Jungkook started. "I'm a high schooler. Who encourages a high schooler to drink?"

Not long after that he was lying on the floor, close to passing out.

"You think I follow you around because I like you? I'm not worried about you at all. What is there to worry about? I should be worried about myself. And instead I came here," Jungkook mumbled.

"And you know why I came here, Yoongi?" Jungkook continued.
"I came back because of the music. I love your music. When I hear you play I want to cry. I want to die almost every day, but when I hear your music I want to live. That's why I say your music is like my heart."

Jungkook talked more after that. But soon it all became incomprehensible as he fell asleep. I sat against the wall to look after him, sipping from the soju bottle.

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