BAD BOY ABUSED (male pov)

#60 Don't be weak Liam.

I slammed the front door behind me letting the fresh cold air hit my face and even with the ability to inhale clean oxygen I still struggled to breathe. The evening sky was quickly approaching and I looked up towards the treehouse but knew that wasn't a safe space anymore because Olivia had unraveled my secrets before I was ready to reveal them.

I didn't want to talk about this with her.

I didn't want her to know.

She was never meant to meet my mom.

I'm not ready for this.

My feet started walking, walking in the opposite direction to my house and I had no idea where they were going but I knew I couldn't stay here and I couldn't go back home. My feet felt heavy against the concrete, weighed down by all of these intense feelings of self loathing and anxiety. I called into a small convenience store and bought a bottle of vodka using my fake I.D. It didn't take me long to get the lid off and start knocking the putrid liquid back as I walked through the streets, navigating my way through the darkness.

Somehow I ended up sat on the ledge of a high up bridge, I've been here before. I sat down against the hard iron and looked out across the water at all the twinkling lights far in the distance. As I knocked back more vodka I fixated on the lights and how they probably belong to happy homes were families sat together at the dining table and children laugh at their dads jokes.

It was a perfect world one I didn't feel like I belonged in. I looked down below my dangling feet, watching the wild waters splash against the side of the bridge legs, rusting the iron over time. I was high up but I didn't care if I fell. I was such a burden to every single person in my life. Oliva, my friends, my mom, my teachers, even Olivas parents who just cooked me a delicious meal that rudely left without offering them any explanation or gratitude.

Maybe you should fall Liam, everyone would be happier without you.

I took another swig from the vodka bottle and leaned further over the edge. The roar of waves sounded intimidating and the air felt colder, reflecting the temperatures of the ocean. The pit of black abyss is where I felt like I belonged. I had nothing going for me in my life and probably wouldn't get far in my soccer career. To escape my reality was just a dream I had fantasies about, there was only one true way of escaping my life and that rested beneath my feet.

I shimmied my body closer to the edge, and took another swig.

One long last swig.

I dropped the bottle into the ocean, watching the glass tumble in through the air, hit a rock and smash before disappearing into my fate. Now it was my turn to follow. I inched closer towards the edge and just as I was about to push myself off a vibration from the pocket of my jeans startled my dark thoughts. I instantly knew it would be Olivia and I couldn't leave without knowing what she said so I pulled out my phone and allowed my eyes to glance over the screen.

I'm sorry. Can we talk? X

I sat back on the ledge, fully positioning my body across the iron plank so I was no longer hanging off the edge and spent an hour just reading those five words over and over again before truly absorbing them. She's apologising to me because I've made her feel like she has done something wrong and although I felt betrayed by her at first I can't blame her for how fucked up my life is.

I looked down towards the water again and back to her message. I couldn't leave her with guilt and I couldn't leave without knowing what she wanted to say. I needed to face my fears and talk to her about this. She's never turned away from me, never judged me so at the very least I owe her this.