BAD BOY ABUSED (male pov)

#61 You can do this Liam. You can be happy.

My words fell thick and heavy but hovered in the air between us. Through the crippling silence Oliva let out a gasp and I pulled my eyes away from her, too ashamed to look her in the eye.

"Liam." She whispered and leaned in to comfort me but I didn't want to be touched.

He was everywhere, he was here, he was in my mind. I could smell his cologne and hear his funny accent. I could feel his hands grazing up the skin of my premature body like bugs crawling beneath surface that I couldn't scratch out. I could hear him laugh and see his teeth in the center of his stubble. I could see the pleasure on his face whenever I tried to tell him no or acted reluctantly to the things he told me to do. I could feel his body next to mine as he crawled into my bed and pressed his adult sized erection penis into my back.

"Liv, please don't touch me. Not right now. I can't."

She backed away, freeing up a large amount of space between us and it was exactly what I needed in that moment. I took another deep breath and continued sharing my story.

"When I was about ten it stopped. I hid a lighter in my room under my blanket, when he approached me I set fire to his pubes. Jax gave me one hell of a beating for that, I couldn't move for weeks but the man never asked for me again so it was worth it. I haven't seen him in seven years but I could still pick him from a line up."

"I just thought to myself in a few months I'm eighteen, I've lived with this my entire life, I can handle a few more months. I've had the beatings, I've had the abuse, I've come home and found them strung out on whatever they've taken and I've had to throw my fingers down their throat to make them vomit it back up just so they didn't die.  I thought I didn't need help but I was wrong. I didn't know I needed it until I got it.  I blamed myself for years but then I realized it's not my fault. It's their fault. I struggled to control my anger and just pummeled anyone who got my way but then you came along and your presence just calms me. I haven't lost control of myself in a long time, thanks to you. For the first time in eighteen years I feel hopeful, because of you. And I'm really trying with the intimacy thing, but it's hard. I don't know if he messed me up or they messed me up or both but I think that might be the hardest thing that I'll ever have to conquer."

"But you will Liam, I promise you that you will. We'll conquer it together."

She took hold of my hand, gently rubbing my skin with her thumb and everything just felt a little lighter now that I shared my heart. There was no secrets between me and her any longer, she knew me entirely and she was still here holding my hand. Well, there was one secret left to tell and right now was not the time to tell her.

"Now you know almost everything about me." I whispered into her ear.

"Almost?" she shrieked.

My lips instantly stretched into a smile and I honestly couldn't wait to tell her that I loved her. She was my whole world, the one thing I found in my life that was worth living for.

"We'll save the rest for another day." I teased, throwing my arm around her and pulling her in to lean on my chest. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and inhaled her tropically scent that felt like home. "Thank you for not turning your back on me." I said with complete sincerity.

We spent the rest of the night, or morning cuddling in the treehouse listening to the world wake up outside of our little wooden bubble. She lay on my chest and I stroked through her smooth, shiny blonde strands of hair. It was such a simple act but to me it was comforting and stress relieving and I left feeling calmer and lighter now that things I had been holding onto all of my life were off my chest and into the hands of someone I loved and trusted.

For the first time ever I felt like I had found a piece of myself that had been smashed years ago and now I was rebuilding my interior with the help of my saviour. For the first time ever I felt like a strange emotion of happiness was trying to break through the darkness of my soul. I didn't know what to do with that I just knew I was going to cling onto it with every fibre of my being in the hopes of making it last and grow.

You can do this Liam. You can be happy.