The Words Of The Moon (S1)

9. Finally Death Of Emotion

I wrote once to know who am I ...?

The death of emotion putting pressure on me at this moment ...

This time the people really died ...
They didn't speak here ... didn't see ... didn't touch ... like I wanted ...

When I saw my home ...

here there wasn't any person to saved me from another person ... our conversations started with jokes and ended with threatening and then the cold silent hold our home ...
Our laughter didn't continue ...

Their eyes were as if I was doing something wrong or will do it ...

And I wanted to be away from here and my only refuge was my room

When I was here, the feelings were created by treating with them ... so good or so bad and my father taught me that I must to bury them ...
They made me think that I couldn't live well if I didn't learn this ...

And everything I thought was happened ...

My thoughts, my dreams, my stories with different genres became as same as my life ... and they intertwined with it ...

So I stay here with a world of stories to digest the life

I couldn't be a good student ... it is very hard for me

I was not weak ...
But I wanted my birthday wishes to be these :

"Death of a Dictatore"

"Death of emotion"

And at that time, my only questions to myself were :

"How much do I tolerate?"

"And how long can I keep my balance? So that I don't enter through by a way of war or silence ...!"
But I can't ...

They told me "don't behave like this ..."
I said that I can't
I was afraided ...
I have to do it ...

Life forced me to fight cold ...
Behavior of people forcing me to do this

All of the people around me said that I can't show my feelings and fail in marriage
I spent all of my sense for them and now my heart doesn't beat faster when they laugh
I haven't any sense when they cry
I'm not in a place that they are in it
Like a soul between them

When my father call me and said : "do you love this sport, or work ... do you love to do this with me?"

( Someone has started talking who has already finished every talking ...!!!! It is fucking fun :|... )

I said : "I don't have any thought ..."
I always said it ...

He said : "you are insensitive and cold like your mother, like your family ..."

I grinned and come back to my room ...

I didn't say anything and remembered a time when I talk with him about all of my favorites work and art and sport and he didn't show any reaction and said cold : "so what ...?"

All of us know he couldn't prepare all of them for me but, he could say a good word to me when I was child ... couldn't he?

So it's good to be like them infront of them ... I like their reactions, their insults .... these are exciting to me :|

Now I asked some questions again ...
"What will happen after that?"
"How will I be?"

At this time, my mom said that I am very stupid and can't see their behavior and can't know my father's behavior ...
She said that I have to fight warmly ... don't be silent ...

I didn't want her to hear the voice of my mind because she was nervous

I can't always love people and they tease me

I can't always justify people and can't always convince them

My parents, my families, my friends ...

I can't do this for all of them ... I am only a human ... not another thing like thay want to be ...

I have not a place in my heart for a person who love him/her ... but have a lot place for a person who love me😌😏
This motto in this world is very better than another

The people who always said about me ... now their life give them a lot pain and I like to see the pain of worthless people ... so I just be silent ...

If you see a real person, show me ...
I don't want to die for him/her but I want to be alive forever for him/her

~~~~~~~~~~

I saw a movie that there was a black skin in it ...
He heared an old song and the woman who beside him, laughed at him ...

He said : you know about this singer?
She say no ...

Than he say :

"the last song that this singer was singing is about "peace" ...

He believed that we can save the world, if we hear his song and trust it ...

One day when he was busy with his work and made this song, a man entered his room

He thought that he was his colleague but the man shot at him ...

After 2 days he came back to the scene with his painful body ... and started singing ...

His fans said him that why did he came here like this?

He said : the people who would to destroy the world, can't stay calmly ...
what did I do ...?
So let's light the dark world together ..."

I want to light the world but ... it is still early to do that ...😏😎

______________________________________

Hey all

We near too the good days in story😉😍

Always love you all💜