Chapter 4 : Crushed

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Freshman Year

Summer shifted everything; at least, that was what I believed. I thought it would contain the signature things I had dreamed about; parties filled with high fashion and expensive liquor, fireworks lighting up the sky with magnetic flourishes, stolen boardwalk kisses, and visits to the Ferris Wheel, its electric red and blue lights visible from miles away. It was supposed to be familiar: warm city nights and carefree days with my family, friends, and Justin.

Except that wasn't what happened.

After the messy truth or dare with Griffin almost kissing me, Justin wasn't the same. His smile was more measured, his love more flawed. While Justin and I distanced, I got closer to someone unexpected.

Natasha.

She was a mystery left uncovered, and I didn't think I would uncover it until our lives crossed that summer. Natasha didn't fit in with most of the girls here; she didn't care about making it to Ivy League schools or having the nicest clothes. We both applied for a summer job at the local country club, and the closer we became, the more I realized we weren't that different after all. We'd spent hours at night talking on the phone, watching silly romantic comedies that we could poke fun at, and sharing hidden parts of ourselves. From being a random stranger I had met at a party, she transformed into a friend that understood me — someone I could share my deepest insecurities with, even certain things I didn't tell Taylor and Luce.

She wasn't as close to those two; I could see a part of her holding back. Likewise, Luce and Taylor weren't the biggest fans of her. I figured it was just because our trio was experiencing a change with a new person. I truly believed that Natasha would grow on them, just like she grew on me.

Despite Justin and I trying to move on from the party, I couldn't help feeling bitter toward Griffin. I didn't know why he was still on my mind, but I couldn't get his cocky smirk out of my head. Or that he had been so close to kissing me and ruining my relationship.

Even though I knew the actual issue didn't lie in him, I needed someone to be mad at and blame for everything happening between Justin and me. I searched for his number in my contacts, ready to tell him off.

Griffin K. (English Lit)

Before I could rethink what I was about to do, I sent the text.

Screw you.

As soon as I sent the message, a small part of me felt freer. It felt good cursing people out, especially people like Griffin.

I texted Justin afterward.

Miss you.

His text came back in an instant.

I do too. You barely see me anymore because of work. I wish you would quit. You don't need to work.

I bit the inside of my cheek. Justin hadn't approved of me working this summer because he said I didn't need to. Just because I had the money didn't mean I didn't want to earn it. I still felt bad, knowing that I hadn't spent enough time with him at all.

I know how to make it up to you. Ready for a little surprise?

It was a spontaneous idea but a foolproof way to bring the spark back to our relationship. I leafed through my closet before finding one of the lingerie sets I saved for special occasions. I undressed and changed into it, deciding a risky text would make him weak. The issue was that sexting was hard.

Technically, it was in lingerie so it wasn't completely out there, but I kept switching angles, attempting to find one that didn't make me look dumb. The first position looked like I was awkwardly trying to hitch a cab, and the other picture looked like I was summoning the devil. I adjusted the sexy black mesh underwire set, trying to make my A's look more like B's, and spread my thighs apart a little, hooking a finger on the top of the lacy sheer bottoms as if I was taking it off. As I brought my finger down to send, the door started to open. My eyes darted to the door and I pulled the covers over myself, throwing the phone and sent image into my comforter.

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