LISTEN {H.S.} A.U.

Joshua

"Hijo de la gran puta" grabbing my head that's slowly melting and turning into a stew of thoughts. My profession of frustration earned a glare from my mother through the rear-view mirror.

"Sorry" I tight smiled. My head is still pounding from a restless night, and a night of trying to not think I am absolutely losing my mind. Squinting my eyes shut, leaning my head on the cushion of the seat, remembering the noises that led me to the indescribable migraine. The sounds of harsh guitar strumming, a man screaming some unlinkable words, and a beat that thudded on my frontal lobe.

"We like noise, it's our choice, It's what we want to do, we don't care about long hair,I don't wear flares" I mutter under my breath, recalling the song that was sung all night. "Que dijiste hija?" (what did you say daughter?) my mom asked me, snapping me out my thoughts.

"Nothing, don't worry just some song from work" I will not tell my mother that I have a man singing songs in my mind 24/7 because she will land me in a priest's chamber, becoming the next case of paranormal activity, and I am more than fine.

This man's voice, or singing started a year ago on my 27th birthday during a late shift at the bar. This stinging feeling in my eardrums caused me to drop a full bottle of Jack Daniels, that only a blacked out bridesmaid party found entertaining meanwhile that small incident caused my boss to take the cost of the bottle out of my weekly paycheck. My head was pounding with this alien experience, and it was a recurring mental performance of Endless Love by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross. It was like a period, becoming worse the second day. The second day had me grabbing the walls of the dirty restroom at my job, slamming ear plugs in me, hoping that it would help. My naivety didnt' help because I realized too late that the sound was internal, and whoever this person was never stopped fucking singing.

Over the course of a year, I have learned to manage the singing man. Not complaining about his voice though, it was more than pleasant. Not pleasant when the song choice is an orchestra of instruments and yelling of lyrics that I can barely understand. I tried to understand why it happens mostly at night, why my 27th birthday, why it barely happened during the day, but no Web MD can answer these questions. My cousins say that it must be a form of "Mal de Ojo" or in english, "Evil Eye". I refuse to cave in to the thought that someone is praying for the worse on me, but at this point, whatever demon that has possessed my body or energy has not been paying me enough rent to live in my head like this.

"Mari, hello" My mom's voice breaks up my inner-thought conversation, and stared at me like I am a two-headed dog. "Yeah, que paso" (What happened) She points at the door, and I see that we arrived at my apartment. "Oh yeah, sorry. Thank you mami, love you. See you soon." I say grabbing my backpack. Blowing kisses, I speed-walk to my apartment. Welcomed by the scent of my boyfriend's cooking.

"Hey, how was your moms?" I wrap my arms around his waist, my head resting on his back. I hum in response. I usually stay at my moms when my shift ends super late, and it isn't safe for me to be out waiting for the train. "The headaches again?" I hum again, snuggling closer to him, as he cooks whatever he is cooking.

"You do realize you have to get it checked out?" He turns, grabbing my face and giving me a small kiss. "I know, but it isn't that big of a deal. I think it's just a thing." I say smiling. "Oh please, you wake up at like 4 a.m. moaning from pain." His face dropping. "Wow, moaning. Really Joshua, out of all the things you could have said. You pervert." I laugh, shoving him back. Then as my hand lands on his shoulder, a sting washed over my entire body. I stumble backwards grabbing onto my head.

"Fuck, woah. Mari, Mari" I hear Joshua faintly say, but my body hits the wall behind me. Causing me to slide down. The world of my apartment feeling small, now that this urge of sound has invaded my mind.

'And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again'

The sounds are scrambling in my head. Holding my head inbetween my legs, the words become more clearer. Sounding slurred, the man's voice and a piano rattles my brain. I let out a small 'fuck' in pain.

'What am I now?

What am I now?'

'What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin''

The last few notes dragging out. A tear drops out of my eyes, hearing the pain in the mans voice, including feeling the pain in my own head. I feel my chest hitting my elbows as I curl up, my head throbbing this familiar rush through the base of my neck. His voice vibrating, I feel him singing louder, and I start to feel my eyes water more. Hearing his sadness, and in a way the mixture of that with my pain, I stay in that fetal position for a couple more minutes.

Everything is like a storm, it calms down. My breath slowed, my arms collapsing against the floor. I support myself up, seeing Joshua on his knees holding my legs. I hold his forearms, looking for something in his eyes, I keep the eye contact until he breaks the silence.

"It's 3 in the afternoon baby, this never happens during the day." Moving my hair back. "Ya, I am not taking this stubbornness shit from you anymore. I am calling your doctor, this is not normal." He says helping me up.

Standing there in utter disbelief. For the first time, I felt what the voice in my head was saying. As if it was real, in some weird, astral way. What the fuck.

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Hey yall! I want to introduce a new story-line that was inspired from a TikTok by @ama_rodri- go check her out! 

As a Latina I have felt this sense of separation from being the main love story interest, and so during quarantine I made it my ultimate mission to have only Latin love story interest. From all categories of the community. Caribbean, and South American etc. I hope you all enjoyed this mini chapter, and look forward to the rest of the story :)))) Go check out my other story based on the Fine Line album (which is as I said based on a latin main character). I will be publishing a dark harry story but that one will be up next month because I want to really work on that one, plus I am a college student so stress is up there. 

Reminder: I am not a professional writer! I take constructive suggestions, no hate. If you spread hate respectfully chupa culo. 

Muchos Besitos <3