𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯.
its been a few weeks since mike started cutting himself again, he's numb. it doesent hurt him anymore.
he's really trying, he's fighting.
he cant do it anymore, he feels like he's going crazy. he hasnt came out of his room since the incident happened.
he's been starving himself. he hasnt slept. the pain was overwhelming. his mom brings him food everynight, but he just throws it away. he's giving up on himself, he wanted everything to be over.
his arms were full of cuts, he didnt even give them the time to heal. he cut over them, when he cut it made him feel free. he would blast music to drown out any other sound, he wanted to die. he wanted to end it. he wanted the pain to stop. why did it come back? he doesent know but he's not willing to wait and find out.
he started smoking again. his eyes were always red and they laid low. he didnt talk to anyone, he would never reply to anyone. derek was doing great without him and he hated it. he hated that derek was with someone else. he crossed his mind everyday.
'youll be happy if your not here, just do it.. stop fighting it.' maybe the voices were right? just give up now?
he just wishes one day he would go to sleep and never wake up.
just finally let everything go.
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mike was sitting on the floor his back against the wall his legs up to his chest, and his head on his knees. he was over it. he had multiple holes in his wall, his knuckles were slightly bloody and bruised due to all the punching he did.
he lifted his head up off of his knees, you could see the blood stains trough his hoodie. he got up and made his way to his closet, he changed hoodies and put on a different pair of sweats.
he walked to his bathroom, hr looked at himself in the mirror. 'you look like shit.' he turned the water on and splashed some on his face, he left the bathroom and sat on hid bed.
he looked around his room, it was horrible. he didnt feel the need to clean it, its not like anyone was coming over.
his mom was worried. she would hear his screams and cry at night, she prayed everynight.. she hoped that everything would get better. she hoped that he could fight and win this battle. she could hear the pain in his voice when she talked to him behind a wooden door, it was eating her up inside. she hated seeing him like this and not being able to help him.
he needed someone, anyone. he felt like he was by himself. he felt that no one loved him anymore, he cried on his moms shoulder sometimes but he still felt like he was lonely.
he felt like no one was here for him when he needed it the most. he was breaking. he was loosing hope.
he wished that all dereks drems would come true, he hoped that he would find someone he truly wanted to be with and they grew old together. even if it wasnt with him. he wished nothing but the best for him. deep down he hoped that derek would never would never forget him. derek deserves the world.
derek gave him peace and he felt like he wasted it. derek was his medicine.
he couldnt quit and he's down on his knees again. he's never going to forgive hiself, mike was sorry for the ways he used him.
everyday mike wished he would get a call or a text from derek. just staring at his phone waiting for a notification, but deep down he knew he wasnt going to get one.
he missed his smile. he missed his giggles. he missed talking to him and seeing his face. he missed making him laugh. he missed holding his hands. he missed cuddling with him.
mike could care less rn but he knew that derek hurt him pretty bad too. he wanted to go back to when everything was better, when they were always together and it was them against the world. derek made him feel like he was enough. mike couldnt stop thinking about him, he brough him so much happiness.
mike missed him, he missed what they had. he missed them together. he missed how he saw the world when he was with him. he missed the way life was when he was with him.
he didnt want to loose it, but he wasnt getting through it. derek was not here to get him through it all, he let his guard down and he messed up. mike knows he would never stop loving derek because he knows he cant. he missed his voice. he missed when he would give him small kisses on his cheeks. he just misses everything about him, he took in every moment.
small things mattered to him.
he wished that he could build a time machine, and fix everything he did wrong. he wants to go back. he wished he could go back to when derek was next to him. he really loved him. if he had to leave for derek to be happy, thats what he would do.
his tears fell on the picture in his hand, it was a picture of him and derek together cuddling. he looked at the picture in his hand, derek made him so happy.
"im so fucking sorry."
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bro im crying-
