Dear God...

My Testimony: Wanting to be a wife..

Friday
10.16.20
8:46AM

Good morning everyone I know it's been a little while since I've updated. And I am sorry I'm going to do better I promise. Life has just been keeping my busy.

Anyway I woke up this morning feeling encouraged and feeling as if I should share my little story maybe it can help you. Maybe your going through the same thing or maybe I can help you avoid going through this either way I hope it helps.

So! Here's my story. It may be long so bare with me.

For as long as I could remember I've always wanted to be married and have kids. I've dated a couple guys putting my all into it in hopes that maybe he could have been my husband.

Nope!

I was putting my all into the relationship doing things kinda like being a wife of sort to them when they weren't putting the same energy out to me. I was wanting to show them I was "wifey type " so that maybe they'd think. Hmm okay she seems like the type.

Then we'd break up. And I would always hear the "you were a great girl friend it's just.. "

I've only had about maybe 3 or 4 relationships my whole life.

First one idk we broke up bc I guess he wasn't feelin it anymore but got married like a year later and had a baby. That kinda crushed me bc ya know..been wanting that 🥴🥴 so he's married and what not.

Found another guy I was with Him a while I really liked him a lot grew feelings strong like I was thinking like this could be my husband I liked him ALOT.

Nope!

We stopped talking then reconnected he told me he still had feelings but didn't wanna get back together. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he was almost a father... to some girl after we broke up🙄🙄

Once again! Heart broke!

I was feeling as if it were me if I was either doing something wrong. Or not pretty enough all type of things went through my mind. I was hurt, crushed, devastated.

This was an open door for the Devil it  allowed the enemy to come in. I was depressed feeling as if something was wrong with me. He was telling me I was ugly, I'd never find anybody, all sorts of things and I began to believe it..

So I was praying talking to God throughout those two relationships. But I'm not gonna lie I kinda fell back from God I was spending so much time with the guy that I wasn't praying to God as much, I wasn't In my word as often as I was when I was by myself.

So then I met another guy. I liked him he was FIONE. I mean the others were too but this one was just my type. Clear Chocolate skin omg I'm takin a whole Hershey bar, he had a beard which owee I love a man with a beard. We had sooo much in common I never had as many things In common wit someone as much as I did wit him. Anyway once again I was bein a wife to someone and I lowered my standards for him. He didn't have a job, or a car but we broke up bc I guess he had personal stuff going on.

Once again I was hurt. And alone

Then I met a guy on a dating app I guess i gave him my number and he texted me later on I was over being hurt soo I had deleted all my dating apps before he had texted me.

I was OVER DATING.

I was like I'm not bout to keep giving my heart and then let it get stepped on again.

But yep I did it to myself again! 🙄🙄

I started talking to this guy. But this time I didn't put my all into it. I just didn't feel like I should have I'm not sure if it was because I was feeling tired of getting hurt or just God was telling me not to.

So we dated for a short time but the biggest thing about it was our belief he believed one thing and I believed another. Faith wise.

Also do not change what you believe for someone else. Keep what you believe and hold it into your heart. God sees and he knows and he will bless you for it is what I think.

Anywho so I was giving him my time going to visit him we live an hour away from each other he'd come see me or I'll see him. But it was different than the other guys I wasn't feeling him as much. And I believe a lot had to deal with his belief and it bothered me. We both came to a conclusion that we should have gotten to know each other better and befriends longer.

So to sum it all up... I was loosing myself with these guys giving them my all when they weren't doing the same for me. I was making thinking about being a wife so important in my life I was giving giving and doing that I wasnt really receiving that same energy.
When I was with these guys I wasn't as strong in my word or talking to God Like before I was
loosing myself.

I was getting hurt over and over but I still had faith that I'm gonna find my husband. But see I was the one looking for him I was doing this on my own. I wasn't waiting on God and that's where I went wrong and messed up.

In Proverbs 18:22 it says. "Whoso Findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the lord." (KJV)

And in some other versions it says "he who finds a wife finds whats good and receives favor of the Lord."  NIV

Keyword: findeth

I wasn't letting them find me I was looking for them. But now I know that I have to let him find me. And I will let him find me bc when I was looking I wasn't doing good by myself.

I've been praying for my husband and for myself as well. I've made a list on exactly what I want in my husband and first thing on the list is that he has to have faith and believe in God that's number one priority.

I believe my husband is coming sooner than I think I just believe that.

So what I said all that to say is...

First off love yourself because once you do you will know who you deserve to be with. You won't put up for anything less than what you deserve. You will know what you want. And you won't put up wit anyone mess. Take time out for yourself take yourself out on dates enjoy your "me " time.

And just speak life into everything that you want. "Ask and it shall be given unto you."

I am learning this as well. I'm putting myself first again I'm not going to let myself get hurt again. I rather be single than doing what I did before. Right now I'm waiting on God to send my husband I'm no longer doing it on my own. Life is all about lessons. You live and you learn.

I really hope this testimony will help someone.

If you have any questions comments or want to share a testimony yourself please please don't hesitate to let me know. This is why I made this for us to share the word of God and help each other connect on a spiritual level. We need each other.

I need you...

You need me..

We need God..

Have a blessed day you all! It's Friday 🙌🏽🙌🏽

~Kiki💕