West Coast

Chapter Twenty

Dean worried more for Cas as the days passed. He hadn't quite recovered from running Jess down to the hospital, and Dean found him checking the appliances and lights before bed more often. He was going out less, and his sleeping pattern had been thrown out, his nights were short, and he started napping during the day again.

Dean did his best to try to cheer Cas up, but Cas grew more quiet and withdrawn.

On one of his early mornings, Dean woke alone. A strange occurrence in itself, but even stranger was Cas standing in the kitchen, staring through the window with a cup of coffee. If he was doing any staring, it was usually out of the dining room window, where there was a view, and with his brush in hand.

'You're up early,' Dean smiled, but Cas didn't respond, so Dean set about making his own coffee. 'What are you looking at?'

It took Cas a moment and a sip of coffee, then blinked at Dean. 'I think we should get rid of my car.'

Dean's eyebrows shot up. 'How come?'

'I shouldn't be driving. It's too dangerous.'

'What's brought this on?'

'I should have called a cab when Jess went into labour. I was still weak, I could have... I could have really hurt them if I lost control.'

'Cas, come on, the nearest cab company is all the way in town. It would have had to come all the way here and back again. You never would have made it.'

'Then I should have waited for you or Sam, and helped Jess in the house.'

'You're being way too hard on yourself.'

'It doesn't matter. I don't think I should have it.'

Dean sipped his coffee, looking at the dark circles around Cas's eyes.

Jess and Sam had brought the baby over to visit a few times, and each time he held her, Dean could see the love in Cas's eyes, but he could also see how much it pained him. Dean too felt the ache to have a family of their own, and he wanted more than anything to give it to Cas. He loved the way Cas's face lit up when he saw Mary, and soft way he spoke to her. Sometimes he sang quietly, in his low, gravelly voice, but he was always left slightly hollow when Sam took Jess and Mary home.

'Are you sure?' Dean said, looking out at Cas's car, though he already knew the answer. If Cas thought something was a threat to the baby, he would get rid of it, no question. They had already lost all the candles in the living room.

'Yes.'

'All right. I'll find someone to take it,' Dean said reluctantly. 'You should clear your stuff out of it.'

'It's all right,' Cas said quietly. 'I'm not as attached to my car as you are to yours.'

Dean shrugged.

'Besides, I seem to remember that I always preferred my bicycle.'

Dean's mouth twitched and he relaxed. 'All right,' he said more sincerely this time. He looked at Cas's tired face again. 'Nightmares again? I didn't hear you get up.'

'I didn't really sleep.'

Dean's brow furrowed as Cas took another sip. 'Cas, we gotta talk about something.'

'It's getting worse again,' Cas murmured. 'I know. I'm working on it with Penny.'

'Do you think might need your meds adjusting?'

'Maybe.'

'I'll make you an appointment.'

'Thanks.'