Azar
I woke up and saw my father in law in the room looking really gloomy. He turned and tried smiling but it didn't reach his eyes.
MJ: Hi
Me: Hi, I adjusted myself and he came sat in the bed and looked at me for a second.
MJ: Feeling better?
Me: Lower pains but am okay. I looked around and turned to the door and back at him.
MJ: he just went to get something for you to drink. I nodded and closed my eyes trying to gather my thoughts in regards what happened..
Me: Did they say what wrong? I whispered although I was feeling cold like a piece of me was missing somehow. He looked away and I swear I saw his eyes get glassy. I closed my eyes and let it go.
Tshiamo
I woke up and my grandfather was in the car with me.
Me: what happened
Grandpa: you are up?
Me: yeah
Grandpa: come let get your wife something for her to eat and drink. I slowly walked in as I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and got her all her favs than walked to her room and We got in and she gave me a smile that lighted up my world and I slowly got stronger.
Me: Hey muffin.
Azar: hey. I walked to the bed and kissed her forehead then scooted her to the side and got in the bed and helped her snuggle to me.
Me: How you feeling?
Azar: Lower body pains but am good.
Me: You gave me a fright and just than the doctor walked in and I saw my father and grandfather slowly leave the room. As much as they leaving I know they will listen. I looked at the doctor and read his mind before he could say anything and my heart felt like it was being squeezed out of me. I didn't know I was crying until I saw Azar wipe away the tears from my face and look at me confused.
Me: Doctor give us a minute ill share. He nodded confused and left closing the door.
Azar
In all the months iv been with Tshiamo iv never seen him this broken. He looked at me and tried smiling through his tears but it made it worse.
Tshiamo: I love you, that hasn't change and that will never change. Do you understand?
I nodded confused as to what happening.
Tshiamo: I need you to be strong for me because if you break and when you break, you break me too.
Me: What going Tshiamo?
Tshiamo: You were bleeding heavily today because you miscarried. I felt my head buzz and I felt my heart leave its place for a second and I started shaking my head no.
Me: I had my period baby just that this time it was worse. He held me and looked me right in my eyes and I saw his pain and a scream I never knew I had escaped my mouth and he held me tight as I cried my life out. The pain, the loss and the fear of the unknown all came rushing down on me.
Me: I didn't know
Tshiamo: I know baby.
Me: I lost our baby
Tshiamo: Its not your fault baby.
Me: is it because am human? He lifted my face to look at him and the pain in his eyes broke me more.
Tshiamo: Its not you. It never was you. Its just not our time yet okay. He held me tighter as I cried my eye balls out..
3 months later
Tshiamo
The past few months have been tough with losing the baby and the traditional ceremonies and wedding. Yet We still managed to find each other. I walked in the house that I share with her and found the aura was different. I walked in and touched the floor and closed my eyes as I watched her crying and she got in took her bags packed them and wrote a letter and left. I felt the first pang on my back as I walked to the piano by the corner and there was her note:
Tshiamo
My light, my soul but mostly my Human.
The past months have been more than I can handle. I have watched you try and do you best to let me heal and to walk with me through this journey but iv heard you cry at night in your sleep a million times and when I ask what wrong in the morning you never share. I have watched us try our best to be in contact with each other yet we slowly drifting apart. I need time and space and so do you to sort through your demons and so am I. Am not divorcing you or leaving you but we need time apart to heal and overcome our fears and face our truth. I have accepted an internship in pretoria and found a small apartment that ill be renting at there. In this time apart I want you to deal with your nightmares and I with mines. I love you Mohale with all my heart but us together is doing more damage as we hide our hurt trying to be strong for each other.ill see you in a year time"
Love
Azariah Mohale
I stood there for awhile read the letter a million times and cried my lungs out. I cant tell her that I have been reliving that day ever since. I cried until I couldn't anymore. I heard my father voices telling me to breath but I just couldn't and next thing I collapsed to floor and I hear Tlali screaming for me not to die on her. Her cries were the only thing I heard as I have in to my pain and loss....
