[1] Blank Slate || Julie and the Phantoms ✔

CHAPTER 26: Hurt

When I find Luke sitting on the keyboard bench in my room, I almost tease him for being a stalker. Then I see the look on his face.

"I'm sorry if I pushed you too much," I apologize. "I shouldn't have tried to force you into giving that song to them."

"No." He shakes his head, eyes catching mine. "I needed that. I only left because it was..."

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to," I interrupt. "You deserve peace and I nagged too much."

"I need to talk."

I sit on my mattress, adjacent to the piano. "Okay. I'm listening."

"I didn't have many regrets in my life except for running out on my parents." Luke is getting choked up so I wait for him to continue. "Especially my mom so...thank you."

"You helped me with my nightmares and with grieving for my sister," I say. "You're one of the only people who understands what I'm going through."

"And I don't even understand all of it," he adds with a small smile. "But I'm trying."

"I know," I reply. "I wanted to help you feel better. Get some closure, you know?"

"Yeah," he says. "That was perfect."

Luke holds my hand for longer than usual and I feel a strange rush of butterflies. This time isn't any different from the rest, but for some reason it feels different. We feel each other's pain. We understand each other.

"I'm glad it helped you heal." I can count every eyelash he has. I'm sure he can feel my breath on his skin. Oh gosh, I hope it doesn't smell bad! I ate tuna salad at lunch!

I pull away, worried that ghosts can smell halitosis.

"This is an interesting little relationship that we have," Luke comments.

"What do you mean?" I ask, quirking an eyebrow.

"Every time I feel like I'm getting closer to you, you pull away. Shut down," he explains. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"It's not you, it's me," I say. How am I supposed to tell him that I think I have bad breath? That's embarrassing! Then again, if I did then Luke would've noticed by now.

"Don't say that," he groans. "I don't want us to keep doing all of this back-and-forth. How do you really feel about me, Adelaide? Be honest."

I freeze at his mention of my real name. It reminds me of everything we've recently been through. Reminds me that Caleb owns both of our souls. Luke's dead. I'm not dead. He has to cross over.

Without me.

I'm going to be the one left behind again. To think that all of this happened because I was searching for the ghost of my sister. It's depressing to think how life can become twisted and the world grows ugly as you grow up.

"Luke, why are we pretending?" I question, turning to him.

"You tell me." His eyes light up. Luke misinterpreted what I meant.

"No, I don't mean hiding our feelings," I say with a shake of my head. "I mean why are we pretending that we could ever be together? Sure, I can touch you. But you're dead. I'm alive. You have to cross over because it's the only option for you. We can't be together."

"Why not for even a short amount of time?" he asks, advancing towards me. "Loving someone is better than never being in love at all."

"Are you sure? There are so many uncertainties. What if you forget about me in the afterlife? I'm not going to forget you," I tell him. "I'm sure there will be other ghosts girls. The pain isn't always worth it. I don't want us to hurt anymore."