Fuck love gimme Diamonds
As I soak myself in the in tub, I think over my life. It's a lot of what ifs, a lot of should has and would has but did nots.
I should have fought harder with Michael, after four years thoughts of him always invade my mind. Every time I look into Dematius, I see Micheal. I start to think that maybe me keeping him from his father is selfish, but than again he made it crystal clear that he didn't want to be with me or have anything to do with me.
I live everyday with guilt, guilt that my son does not have his father in his life. It's something I have to live with.
Maybe I'll tell him one day, but I honestly believe this is what's best for Dematius. I know what it feels like to be put second to the game, my dad used to make me and my sisters promises all the time than turn around and break them because business came first. You start to question yourself, as if you are doing something wrong when your not. It makes you angry and valuable all at once, and I don't want that for my son.
Dematius is my life, he is my whole reason for breathing, for living. His smile brightens my day, and when he's hurt I can feel it. I thank God everyday for the blessing he gave me when I delivered Dematius into this world four years ago.
My house phone goes off pulling me out of my thoughts, looking at the caller ID its my sister calling.
"Hello" I answer the phone.
"Just calling to see if you'll still be able to make it, you know this is very important that you come" she explains.
I let out a deep sigh "yeah I'm coming" I tell her. I really don't want to go to the baby shower but after messing four years worth of things my sister will not allow me to miss the baby shower of her third child. After she had Cherish, she popped out Journie, and now she is finally having a baby boy.
When the whole situation with Micheal happened I packed up all my things and took the first fight out of Boston to Long Beach, California. I haven't step foot in Boston in almost five years, and from what I heard either has Micheal. That's the only reason I agreed to go to Boston for my sister's baby shower.
He moved out around the same time I did, Ruby said he got married and moved to Toronto, Canada with his little girl Kara. It hurt me when I found out that he gotten married to someone else after not wanting to commit to me. He got want he wanted and left, like I never meant shit to him.
"I'll pick y'all up at the airport"
"No need, I'm getting a rental" I explain.
"Are you sure?" She question.
"Yes, I'll call you when I land promise"
We say our goodbyes before hanging up.
Letting out a loud sigh I lower myself into the warm water even more, as I try to relax my body.
"Boston here I come" I think out loud.
Diamond in the MM
