His Donna. (Under Revision)

Chapter Thirty-Three

"What are you doing?"

"..."

"Alvin" Valentino grinds his teeth together as he squeezes my elbow as if trying to shake some sense in me.

"Don't bother,you of all people know what it feels like to have one of your own betray you. I have worked with these men for close to ten years,I let them near my children. At a time I entrusted my life to those men,I have had their backs in the worst of situations. We have been through wars together. We wear our battle scars together. Besides, its out of my hands now,the rest of my men have been notified and are due to arrive at 0500 hours, which is three hours from now. Have your men pull back until we are done."

Valentino sighs heavily cupping my face in his hands as he gazes at me.

"I don't want anything happening to you. What am I going to tell the kids? Do you know what they had to go through seeing you in that condition when your PTSD was triggered?do you know what I went through? Just please,at least let your men and some of my men handle this. I can't ..." My Don trails in a thick voice with so much feeling my heart clenches seeing him like this because of me. But this has to be done. Its now my fight.

"Christian is my second in command, I trained him. I'm the only one that can understand him and hopefully get to the root of this. I need to understand why him and bane is doing this. I need to know who this he is Valentino. This isn't a mafia war any more. Our children's lives are being risked if I don't step up."

At my words Valentino stands straight and just stares at me for a minute. His hands fall to his sides,he clenches and unclenched them a few times. He looks so defeated,far from the man I know.

"When I went to find you last night, I pulled a call from one of the dead guys. I spoke to someone who claimed they wanted you back...I can't recall the exact words  but he sounded...I just,I can't lose you when I have only just found you,please come back. If not for me then for the kids."

Taking a step toward him I wrap my arms around his waist, laying my head against his beating heart. "You know this isn't the first time I have done this...." But he doesn't let me finish. "No,its not but its the first for me. I know that you're a bad ass in your tuff but it still doesn't make it any easier for me. When you passed out at the mansion I could literary feel my heart cease and worst part was I didn't know how to help you. And then the kids,I just I never want to experience that kind of fear again"

My PTSD attack was something of a surprise for me. I haven't had those in years,in fact not since finding out I was pregnant with the twins. But when that blast shook the mansion I was back in Afghanistan again, I could feel the pain and panic all over again. It felt so much like I was losing another part of me.

Sighing I pull away from Valentino and move to sit on the bed. If I'm going to marry Valentino he at least deserves some explanation for those and what triggered them.

I gulp shifting from foot to foot debating the timing. The last time I had to speak about my mental issues was with a shrink and I hated every second of those sessions.

"Do you remember the night we met?"

"Val frowned but hesitantly nodded probably wondering why I was bringing that night up.

"That was the first time I ever stepped in a bar" I chuckled at the irony. I was my parents worst nightmare in my teens but despite my get ups I had my limits,beer and clubbing was that limit. Sure I was never up to any good but the social lifestyle has always been Alexander's tuff.

"That night was one of many when I couldn't stand the pain and loneliness. I had just come back after visiting his grave in California. I was in so much pain and anguish. I hadn't even reached home yet when i diverted downtown to that bar. I wanted to forget,even if it was just one night. I just wanted to forget him. Every night was the same, the same nightmare, the same scenes playing out. For those two years each time I closed my eyes all I saw was his lifeless body wrapped protectively around mine. His lifeless brown eyes starring back at me...." I choked as I tried to fight the onslaught of tears. Every night for two years straight i woke up drenched in my own sweat and tears. My guilt eat me up to the point that even the slightest noise was enough to send me in a corner hunched up as I balled my eyes out. My father...

"Dad was the only thing that kept me alive during that time,one night it got so bad I thought I was hearing his voice,I picked up a call and I swear I heard him call out to me but it turned out It was bane on the line. However, that was enough. I went in my room and locked myself inside. Picked out my hand gun and pulled the trigger without a second thought. Fortunately or unfortunately Dad was smart enough to empty my guns at the time. Last night was like a blast from the past. It felt like I was back in Afghanistan all over again,watching helplessly as he was torn from me."

I could feel his intense stare as I raised my legs to the bed and hugged them.

"I had only been with one man before you and he died protecting me. Two years prior to our meeting the navy and marine had a joint operation in Afghanistan. Jason and I where in charge of the operation. We had set up camp a little too near enemy lines and ...One moment I was scouting the perimeter and the next I was under Jason as a grenade went off,my ears rang so bad I could hardly hear the fire exchange, and when I finally came too I just ... I held his lifeless body in my arms,begging him to come back but ..... So when that bomb went off last night I was back to that night again. I don't want to lose any of you,it nearly killed me the first time around. I can't lose you like that... I just can't." I was a wailing mess by this point. I didn't even notice Valentino sit beside me,let alone embrace me. I would take torture any time of day than have someone I love ripped away from me. I can't handle Grief well.