She Who Got Rejected ✔️

Chapter 9.1

[Zerfes]

Hundreds of years ago...

"Caring was a thing with claws

It sank them in and didn't let go

Caring hurt more than a knife to the leg

It was a wound that wouldn't set, a cut that wouldn't close."

I am whispering these lines by V.E. Schwab, when the man beside me commented,

"What's that? A poem?"

Napalingon ako sa kaniya at nakaramdam ng hindi inaasahang lungkot. Walang pinagbago, mas lalo lang lumala ang kaniyang kondisyon.

Habang tumatagal, unti-unti siyang natatalo ng sakit na ilang taon na niyang nilalabanan.

Hindi ko siya maintindihan.

Why keep fighting when you know you're bound to lose?

I smiled at him, at my friend, the first person who was kind to me in this world. The person whom aside from my sister taught me kindness and how it saves lives.

"Nah," I answered, in my tone was nostalgia, "A memory, Wirron."

Kasalukuyan, kami'y nasa isang malawak na parang. Hektarya ang damuhan. May ilang patse nito na talahib ang tumutubo samantalang may mga pandak at maliliit na halaman naman sa ibang dako.

My friend and I were sitting in a soft patch of grass, bathing under the soft, fading light brought by dusk.

"Hindi mo ba tatanungin kung ano ang pakiramdam ko?" tanong ni Wirron.

I don't need to ask.

I already know the answer.

Nang hindi ako sumagot at nanatiling nakatingin sa malayo, iniiwasan ang mga titig niya, Wirron laughed in defeat. Walang bahid ng galit, bagkus, dismaya at kawalan ng pag-asa ang narito.

"Speechless, Zerfes?" tanong pa niya. I want to help him. I really, really do, but after every mistakes I made in the past, natatakot na akong sumubok. Paano kung magkamali na naman ako? Paano kung pumalpak? Paano kung sa halip na makatulong, sa pagkasira nahantong?

I'm afraid of risking. I'm afraid of failing, not myself, I'm afraid of failing these people around me.

I'm afraid of myself, of these things I am capable of doing.

Hindi ako sigurado kung may kapareho ba ako sa mundong 'to.

The only thing I know right now is I feel alone.

And then suddenly, a hand patted me on my shoulder, its force no longer as strong as it used to.

This time, muli akong lumingon sa kaniya only to discover he's patiently waiting for me.

Napakuyom ang mga kamao ko.

My friend is dying...

And here I am, too afraid to save him.

When did I become so weak? How did fear win? I didn't even notice.

"You remember the long, lost wolves in this place?"

Nanatili bakante ang expresyon ng aking mukha. Wirron is an animal lover. He loves all kinds of animals. Wala siyang kamag-anak at sa halip na tao, ang itinuturing niyang pamilya ay mga hayop. He owns these hectares of land covered mostly by thick patches of forests.

This place we're in right now is one of the few grassland ecosystems on it. Sa 'di kalayuan ang tirahan ni Wirron, a place also sheltering his pets, one of the few remaining sanctuaries built by humans in this space of the world that openly welcome animals.

"Narinig ko lang ang tungkol sa kanila mula sa mga kwento at sa records ng municipal library malapit dito." saad ni Wirron. He's now staring at the patch of forests from a distance as if wishing for one of those wolves to come out and bid us a greeting. Isang bagay na hindi na mangyayari.

Those wolves are gone.

Dead.

Long dead.

"Those wolves were hunted by humans." Dumilim ang expresyon ng mukha niya. "They hunt them to extinction for eating their livestock, at alam mo kung ano ang pinakamasaklap?"

"They hunt them because they believed they eat children." sagot ko.

Bakas na bakas ang galit sa boses ni Wirron, "Yes," he hissed, "When the reality is wolves do not even attack humans, and just like other animals trying to survive out there, just like us, aatake lang sila upang depensahan ang sarili." His voice lost the strength to show his anger. Wirron looked tired, tired of fighting for something only a few people like him believe in, "Those poor wolves won't attack unless provoke." he whispered.

Wirron started coughing. Paulit-ulit na ubo. Tutulungan ko sana siyang kunin mula sa bulsa niya ang gamot na karaniwang dala-dala niya nang tinapik niya ang kamay ko, "I stopped drinking those. They don't help."

"What?" Hindi ko mapigilang mainis. "They're medicine to relieve-"

"I don't need relief! I need healing!" Wirron yelled.

Pareho kaming natahimik.

"Pagod na ako, Zerfes, pero alam mo kung bakit hindi pa rin ako sumusuko?" Umihip ang malakas na hangin. Ang mga bunga ng talahib sa 'di kalayuan ay nadala nito at ngayo'y lumulutang sa aming paligid.

"Kasi hinihintay kita." My eyes widened. I haven't cried for a long time pero nang mga sandaling 'yon, it was an extreme struggle not to shed tears. "Hinihintay kitang maniwala muli sa sarili mo."

"Enough of that-"

"Kaya mo, Zerfes. Inject that serum on me, that serum with wolf's genes."

"Manahimik ka! You don't know what you're asking of me."

"I know. I know more than you think I know."

Namutla ako sa sinabi niya. "Anong ibig mong sabihin?"