NEVER MIND love

Chapter 7

March 8, 2020

I am back in Korea after spending almost a year in the US. My contract was for two years but due to COVID19 we had to return to Korea earlier to the disappointment of my brother.He was very upset about leaving since this last assignment was his favorite. Taking pictures of street racers and their cars has to be his favorite thing I have ever done. He has been coming with me every time I am out of the country to help with Mia but I know it can get boring for him being on the shoot and having to babysit. This time he enjoyed every minute of it and even made some new friends in the community. 

My little girl is about to turn 2 and she is starting to talk. She learned a few english words in the states and I am proud of how smart she is. As she gets older she starts to look more like her father and it has made it hard to forget him. I try not to think about the past but every time I look into her eyes I can see Yoongi. You would think that by being outside of the country I would get away from his image but they are worldwide now and it does not matter where I go. I will see their pictures everywhere. Of course coming home a few days before his birthday has made it even harder. My whole village is filled with banners and events to honor him. I know I have to continue acting like nothing happened between us but it hurts seeing his face everywhere. I am thankful my brother and parents have given up on asking who is Mia's father and are none the wiser on who he really is. Specially now that I am moving back to Seoul for the rest of this pandemic. I have a new assignment and after finishing the 14 days of required quarantine I will be able to move in with my best friend Hae. She has recently lost her roommate who moved away and she is super excited to have Mia and I join her.

My parents are upset I am leaving and I am taking Mia with me but they understand I need to continue growing my career. This time Bong will not be coming with me and I know it will be hard on him and specially little Mia who is really attached to him. My parents are getting old and my dad can not manage the bakery by himself anymore and Bong is needed here. With all I have gotten paid the last few years I have been able to get my parents out of debt and the bakery was able to be remodeled. The business is doing really good by itself and they seem to be pretty busy all the time. I have been in quarantine since I landed in Korea, so Mia and I haven't had a chance to explore the town as much and no one outside my family has gotten to meet her. I am kind of glad because I live with the constant fear Yoongi's family will see her and notice what I see everyday. That she looks just like carbon copy of her father. I mean my family has not noticed but I feel like blood calls blood and Yoongi's family will be able to tell and I don't want them to pressure Yoongi on accepting his child when he clearly does not want her in his life. And my daughter does not deserve someone that does not love her in her life.

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April 3, 2020

This is my first week being in Seoul and Mia and I have been adjusting to the new place. We really miss my parents and it has made it hard. Hae has been amazing and just like everyone that has met my baby girl she has fallen in love. No one can replace Bong in Mia's eyes but Hae has been doing a good job being an auntie. I start work today and with the state of the city due to the pandemic I don't know how today will go. Hae has the day off and I am thankful since I have not found a daycare for Mia or any type of home help. Deep down I am kind of hesitant due to the virus and I don't know if I will be able to trust anyone else with my daughter.

I get my little girl ready for the day worried about how she would do without me. Today she is wearing a pink and white jumper and I am amazed at how big she looks. She has a lot of hair but it's mostly short except for her bangs that need a little trim. I put her hair in two ponytails and I brush her long bangs that match mine. She smiles up at me excited for the day and I cant believe today will be the first day I leave her behind. Usually Mia would go on the shoots with me but with this pandemic I don't want to risk her nor Hae. Mia starts to jump in the bed once I finish her hair and try to sit her down to get her shoes on.