You've Got it Bad

Fifty Two

Jade's POV

⚠️TW: Mentions abuse⚠️

I was having such a good past couple of days that it only just dawned on me that today I'd be going to say goodbye to my mother forever.

There were also a lot of things that Perrie could learn about me this weekend that could potentially test our relationship. I just hoped none of it ran her away.

I laid in bed, staring at the overnight bags we packed, sitting in the corner. I could hear her angelic voice as she sang in the shower, so it had to be at least 4am.

I had an uneasy feeling about the whole day, so I didn't sleep too well. After Perrie ahem put me to bed, I only slept for a few hours and spent the rest of the night watching her sleep soundly.

I was also uneasy about bringing her and Jaden along with me, but I couldn't leave them. It's not really a loving environment there. It's cold, and the only love for a long time were between my brother and mother. All because of an incident that I don't blame myself for, even though they both still do.

They've given me the cold shoulder and told me I was dead to them since I was around 14. I pretty much raised myself after that, as they didn't even look my way anymore.

My mother let me stay there for a few more years, but I was like a ghost to her. They were probably the loneliest years of my life. And whenever she felt like it, and I guess she would get tired of looking at me, she'd lock me out. There were many nights I had to sleep outside, and wander the streets alone.

As a kid. 

When I turned 16, I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I stole some of her money and got on the first train out of there. No clue what I was doing or where I was going. I just knew I had to leave.

Failed relationship after failed relationship and countless one night stands to feel anything at all, even as young as I was. I knew it wasn't right, but I was lost and confused.

At some point, I ran. And ran and ran, and then ran right into Jimmy. He seemed nice, or maybe I felt that way just because of the way I was being treated at home.

That's how I fell into that toxic ass relationship. I was desperate and ignoring all sorts of red flags, because looking back, I can see it was toxic from the very start.

For a little over a year, he made me believe that he loved me, and I thought I had finally found what I needed, though I had no clue what love really was.

Until he started to get violent and rough, forcing me to do things I didn't want to. Things were already pretty bad at first, but then he changed, and things went from bad to worse.

At that point I couldn't see my way out. I didn't feel wanted by anyone, so what was even the point.

When he started to get even more violent and more aggressive with me, and I had suffered every kind of abuse imaginable from him, I tried to run.

I tried many times to go back home, but she would never let me. I told her what was happening, and cried to her about Jimmy, but she brushed me off and said I probably deserved it.

Despite her being the only mother I'll ever get, her words burned through me, and I hated her for it. A lot of things she'd said to me over the years, I just brushed off, but that hurt in a different way.

Mainly because she knew. She knew that had already been happening to me with her husband, and looked the other way. I could never respect her for that, and I found it hard to even look at her sometimes, which is why I feel off about going back there now.