The shy boy from math class

Chapter 34| True feelings

     "I feel so stupid!" I groan into my pillow. Genevieve rubs my back, trying her best to calm me down.

"You flat out told him you don't love him?" Genevieve asked.

"I don't. I wasn't going to lie to him right there!" I groan. "I can't get his face out of my mind, Gen! The moment I saw his eyes lose their shine the second I told him."

"I know that exact look." She hums. "I remember when I dumped Charlie Barber in eighth grade and I saw his face change in the blink of an eye."

I raise my face out of my pillow, furrowing my eyebrows at her. She sucks on her teeth, looking everywhere but me. "That wasn't helping wasn't it?"

I sit up, wiping my finger across my eye circles. "I should go talk to him. Don't you think?"

"It's been a day, maybe give him some time. Everything handles stuff differently. You personally like being comforted by me and I like taking it out on the punching bag in my garage." She urges. She bites down on her lip, focusing on the floor.

I run my hands through my hair while a million thoughts run through my mind. I stand up and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"I think I'm going to go see him." I don't even want to look at the judgmental stare Genevieve has planted on me.

She grabs my wrist and yanks me down. "No, you are not!"

I pull my wrist away, ignoring her stares. "I have to."

"No, you don't. Give the guy some time, Selena! He's not going to dump you, I promise." She says in a reassuring tone.

"And how do you know that?" I huff.

She lays down on her stomach, holding herself up by her elbows. "I've seen the way he looks at you and the way he talked about you when he texted me to help him pick out a birthday gift. I know for a fact that boy is falling in love with you."

She takes a deep breath and smiles. "Even though you're not admitting it to yourself, I know you're falling for him too. You're just scared. Scared that he'd hurt you in the end like Calvin. But I can reassure you that he's not."

I sit there without a word coming to mind. I'm speechless. I didn't expect that answer at all. Maybe she's right.

"Well Miss know it all, then why did I tell him I didn't love him?" I ask.

"I guess it was the fear and how he said so unexpectedly. If you want to talk to him about it tomorrow be my guest, but give him time and space. He gets his heart broken one day and then gets told the opposite the next day? That's too much to process." She gets up, grabbing her phone.

"Thank you, Gen," I mumble as she leaves my room.

Am I in love with Grayson? What do I love about him?

I love his eyes and seeing what color they are every day I see him. I love telling him about my day and he listens- - like actually listens. But that makes me love him like I love Genevieve. What makes me in love with him?

I can't imagine losing him. That month when he was in his coma was the month I didn't feel like myself. The thought of never seeing Grayson again made me want to hurl.

That night that I had broken up with Calvin, he held me in his arms the whole night and didn't let go. He rubbed his thumb across my arm and his hugs just felt different. What I feel for Grayson is something I never felt for Calvin.

He's patient with me. He lets me ramble for hours and asks questions then and now. I think I had mentioned once during a study date that I loved his elegant red roses look and he brought me red roses yesterday. I think we might've left them somewhere on the beach or something.

When we'd watch movies when I went over I'd catch myself looking at him laughing at the jokes instead of focusing on the movie. I noticed his dimple and how deep it gets when he laughs.

I love seeing how concentrated he looks when he's tutoring me. He sort of clenches his jaw on the harder questions and never looks up from the paper. He's patient with me. There'd be days where I didn't understand anything and he'd help me longer than other times. He never once laughed at me or got impatient.

I like it when he twirls his fingers around my curls. He always looks surprised seeing my new hairstyles even if he's seen them a thousand times before. 

As much as I hate to even admit this to myself, I want him more than I ever wanted Calvin. Every time we kiss I feel the bolts of electricity running through me.

I sit up on my bed, staring at the floor. My heart is beating fast and my body's cold. I can't possibly be in love. It's too fast for me to move on.

☆

I hide my face in my locker, dreading for this day to be over. Genevieve rushes over to my locker and pulls me to her. She brings her face close to my ears and eagerly whispers, "Looks like you broke his heart big time."

I furrow my eyebrows and look at the hallway packed with many kids. Then I spot him. My eyes widen and I quickly turn away. Genevieve has the same expression as me, following him with her eyes. He's walking confidently down the hallway. His black glasses are gone. He's wearing a black shirt that brings out his muscles. He's wearing all black and yet he pulls it off.

Genevieve snaps her fingers in front of my eyes and I finally blink. "You're basically drooling, Selena."

I turn back around to face my locker, hiding my face in embarrassment.

"Hi, Grayson!" Genevieve waves.

If I could just stuff myself into the locker and never come out, that'd be great. I glance over and see that he's long gone. I smack Genevieve's arm and she winced in pain.

"What the fuck was that?"

"He's still my friend and your boyfriend. I can't say hi?" she reminds me. "You're acting like he's the most popular guy in school or something. He's your boyfriend, Selena!"

I gulp and tense up when I hear the bell ring. "Right.
He's still- - he's still my boyfriend."

She nods and says, "That's what I said. Now go to class or we'll both be late."