𝐌𝐀𝐅𝐈𝐀 | 𝐉.𝐉𝐊 × 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 1 - 𝑹𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑫𝒂𝒚𝒔

Your second life only begins when you realize that you only have one.

Why have a second life, when you can just die, right now. Yes, those pills you're thinking about, cutting your veins, hanging yourself with a rope and painfully wait for your last damn breathe and dying like a coward.

But no, this is not how we're going to die. This is what I tell myself everyday, since five years. Five motherfucking years of trying to not take my own life and stay alive. Alive for what? I don't even know the reason myself, but I'm nobody to take my own life. This is what my mother told me when she used to be sober and not high on fucking drugs. Study hard, become a wealthy person and find a husband, is what my father told me before jumping off the Han River.

So hilarious, why would you have kids if you can't handle them. I'm sorry I couldn't take care of you. That's what my father wrote in a letter that he left before committing suicide. My mom? Well, she didn't warn us that she'd take drugs. She only comes back home completely fucked up, gets abusive, to then apologize and beg for more money to provide her drugs.

Be a good girl, study hard, do this and that, for what? Where are they now? One is dead and the other one is outside with her crackhead friends, while I'm at multiple places part-timing at the same time and...only hacking when I'm bored and have some free time.

My older brother left after our father's death, abandoning me with that shit ass junkie. She even got fired from her job, because she was caught doing drugs in the hallway. The damn hallway where everyone can see her.

I complain way too much, there's is much worse happening in the world. But still, I hope nobody's going to live what I am living right now.

"Y/n-ah!" That annoying cracked voice. Again. I'm fucked. Again. "Come here! Quick." She shouted, making me flinch at her sudden tone.

I hurried out of my room, plastic straw in my mouth, but still nonchalantly looking at her shrinking face. "Did you touch my needles? Where are they? I need them, I need a my fucking needles!" She pulled on her hair, desperately searching everywhere.

"Did you look under the bathroom's sink?" My plastic straw was getting bored to chew on, so I threw it away. "I bet it's there. You always forget where you—"

"Shut up. It better fucking be there or else you know what's going to happen to your slutty ass." She dangerously pointed at me, hurrying in the bathroom.

"Is she crazy?" I scoffed, leaning on the doorframe. "Ah, yeah my bad. I forgot." I talked to myself, slightly laughing at her crazy behavior. No wonder my dad left us.

Anyways, I should stop complaining. My situation is not going to get better so I might as well wait for the day that I'll die. I speed walked into my room, locking myself in it, just I can she will go crazy, bang in my door and hit me until I pass out, because she wouldn't be able to find the needles or whatever she is searching for.

I sat on my chair and put my headphones on in my heart and turned on my gamer set up. I invested on some second hand shit that I found in a second store, of course. I always loved hacking, it seemed fun to me. I always liked to watch videos on YouTube about people 'hacking' stuff or even movies. It's illegal but who cares? No one will know, because that's what hacking is for.

"Let's have some fun." I smiled to myself, as I made myself comfortable on my chair as I tapped some codes on the keyboard, before launching the app to get on the dark web. That was pretty easy actually, everyone could do it. "So what do we have today..." I looked through my favorite dark website.

There was always some gore shit, people doing LIVE shows, showing how they're torturing someone or even...worse. They are also...kids on there. I didn't watch any of them, but the titles always tell for themselves, but I wish I could report them pedophiles and murderer, but it's not that easy. Whatever, I was just explaining. They're also people selling illegal stuff like guns, drugs and so on.